for The Way of a Shinobi9/24/2013 c1 
23jiemae
I really love the way this is written! I especially love the details and I can see how much effort you put into this! And although I was off put at the start with Kakashi replaced, I think it could have some VERY interesting effects. I applaud you for this. : )
23jiemaeI really love the way this is written! I especially love the details and I can see how much effort you put into this! And although I was off put at the start with Kakashi replaced, I think it could have some VERY interesting effects. I applaud you for this. : )
9/12/2013 c3 1Molly Grace 16
This is a pretty good story so far. I'm liking what I've seen of Shin as well. I look forward to seeing what other changes come from Team 7 learning under him.
1Molly Grace 16This is a pretty good story so far. I'm liking what I've seen of Shin as well. I look forward to seeing what other changes come from Team 7 learning under him.
9/5/2013 c2 sindbad7771
I liked the first chapter but this one bad Shin too Mary sue for me . And is he your main character because you are making him so , too much about him and his Mary sue family not enough about team 7
I liked the first chapter but this one bad Shin too Mary sue for me . And is he your main character because you are making him so , too much about him and his Mary sue family not enough about team 7
9/4/2013 c2 168Felicity Dream
Sound structure overall. Risky using an OC and it would have been best to have somehow gotten the readers to warm up to him from the start, but more exposure to him might still get readers to warm up to him. Not much deviation from first chapter, which is usually something one has to keep in mind about rewrites as readers will get easily bored, but the second chapter is much better in that regard.
Liked Kakashi's no-nonsense introduction and hopefully he'll be more combat-ready than in canon, eh? Shin is interesting so far, but as an OC, needs more fleshing out and something/scenes/etc. that reaches out to the audiences and makes them like him and relate to, and also likable. Right now, he's what is called a static character, but I'm sure as you go more through the story you can add more depth to him that will allow him to become a dynamic character (but he's in no way a Gary Stu and no way in hell let anyone tell you he is -ain't nobody nowadays knows what a Stu is and accuses any character of it and I'm damn well sick of ignorants).
Hope that helps :) Nothing else for me to say since it's still early in the fic and hasn't progressed forward enough for anything else to be said. Liked it overall (though loved Zabuza running away), and look forward to seeing a bit more and what twists you can come up with.
One more thing though. Rethink your summary. It's really broad and vague, and not enough to capture a reader. The aim of a summary is to catch the eye of someone, so you should try to reword it so that it becomes interesting and intriguing enough that someone will want to read it. Include a little "spoiler" or rather "reveal a little but not a lot." That's especially when you have something like the first sentence being Team 7 having a different sensei, which is a run through cliche in this fandom (and when you use an OC, less people will want to read it).
(If it's 9:17 pm over there, then we definitely have the same timezone :D)
168Felicity DreamSound structure overall. Risky using an OC and it would have been best to have somehow gotten the readers to warm up to him from the start, but more exposure to him might still get readers to warm up to him. Not much deviation from first chapter, which is usually something one has to keep in mind about rewrites as readers will get easily bored, but the second chapter is much better in that regard.
Liked Kakashi's no-nonsense introduction and hopefully he'll be more combat-ready than in canon, eh? Shin is interesting so far, but as an OC, needs more fleshing out and something/scenes/etc. that reaches out to the audiences and makes them like him and relate to, and also likable. Right now, he's what is called a static character, but I'm sure as you go more through the story you can add more depth to him that will allow him to become a dynamic character (but he's in no way a Gary Stu and no way in hell let anyone tell you he is -ain't nobody nowadays knows what a Stu is and accuses any character of it and I'm damn well sick of ignorants).
Hope that helps :) Nothing else for me to say since it's still early in the fic and hasn't progressed forward enough for anything else to be said. Liked it overall (though loved Zabuza running away), and look forward to seeing a bit more and what twists you can come up with.
One more thing though. Rethink your summary. It's really broad and vague, and not enough to capture a reader. The aim of a summary is to catch the eye of someone, so you should try to reword it so that it becomes interesting and intriguing enough that someone will want to read it. Include a little "spoiler" or rather "reveal a little but not a lot." That's especially when you have something like the first sentence being Team 7 having a different sensei, which is a run through cliche in this fandom (and when you use an OC, less people will want to read it).
(If it's 9:17 pm over there, then we definitely have the same timezone :D)
9/3/2013 c1 35NHunter
I've already made my comments about this chapter before, but if you want them again - well, the fight is way too similar to canon, but for now it is quite alright as you may deviate from canon later on much significantly. Though, you already started on this way by making "butt-poke-no-jutsu" and actual technique. Quite the one apparently too...
watching the story
35NHunterI've already made my comments about this chapter before, but if you want them again - well, the fight is way too similar to canon, but for now it is quite alright as you may deviate from canon later on much significantly. Though, you already started on this way by making "butt-poke-no-jutsu" and actual technique. Quite the one apparently too...
watching the story
9/3/2013 c1 8Angelix.onix.luna
I take it shins either a old teammate of kushina or a old student of hers? Overall i like the character and chapter
8Angelix.onix.lunaI take it shins either a old teammate of kushina or a old student of hers? Overall i like the character and chapter