for controlling much?11/26/2014 c2 Guest
You dont have to make Dedward physically abusive. He WAS abusive. Controlling someone like he did, making decisions, belittling friends, making Bella feel weak and unattractive are way far abusive piling it on makes no sense. Bella should have been frieghtened that she could not be herself. She had to be who she thought dedward wanted. Why make him physical abusive? Would have been a much better story if Bella woke up to the reality of her relationship with the corpse. This just makes her choosing Jake a second best choice because edward became physically abusive and thats just makes no sense. At all. too bad had some hope for this. But very dissapointed.
You dont have to make Dedward physically abusive. He WAS abusive. Controlling someone like he did, making decisions, belittling friends, making Bella feel weak and unattractive are way far abusive piling it on makes no sense. Bella should have been frieghtened that she could not be herself. She had to be who she thought dedward wanted. Why make him physical abusive? Would have been a much better story if Bella woke up to the reality of her relationship with the corpse. This just makes her choosing Jake a second best choice because edward became physically abusive and thats just makes no sense. At all. too bad had some hope for this. But very dissapointed.
11/26/2014 c1 Guest
Listen. Your hearts in the right place and a Bella possibly getting a clue is usually a good thing especially since Dedward is an abusive controlling, manipulative creep and I cant fathom why Bella is remotely attracted to him. I get its her first love but this pale skinny emo knucklehead aint no romeo.
And you seem like a sweet girl... But the dialog is choppy and clumsy and makes for difficult reading.
A great story idea not executed so well. Perhaps a beta? Anyway too bad Bella thats what happens when your a moron but you wanted your walking corpse. Ooops!
Listen. Your hearts in the right place and a Bella possibly getting a clue is usually a good thing especially since Dedward is an abusive controlling, manipulative creep and I cant fathom why Bella is remotely attracted to him. I get its her first love but this pale skinny emo knucklehead aint no romeo.
And you seem like a sweet girl... But the dialog is choppy and clumsy and makes for difficult reading.
A great story idea not executed so well. Perhaps a beta? Anyway too bad Bella thats what happens when your a moron but you wanted your walking corpse. Ooops!
12/6/2013 c11 
2alixandria
Ok, well let me know please when you will re post this story ty, I still want to read this story.
2alixandriaOk, well let me know please when you will re post this story ty, I still want to read this story.
12/2/2013 c10 alixandria
I liked it but you are missing some words in order to read and understand the story better, some spelling mistakes too, just fyi...you need a beta, they do help a lot, I know one if you are interested? Love ya.
I liked it but you are missing some words in order to read and understand the story better, some spelling mistakes too, just fyi...you need a beta, they do help a lot, I know one if you are interested? Love ya.
10/27/2013 c7 OrangeLamb
I like your story, But I am having a small issue...it seems to me that your chapters aren't matching up. you know feel a little scattered? i love the concept its just hard to follow.
I like your story, But I am having a small issue...it seems to me that your chapters aren't matching up. you know feel a little scattered? i love the concept its just hard to follow.
10/23/2013 c6 kouga's older woman
I was super busy this past weekend so I fell
behind in my reading, but with stuff that is this
good to read, I won't be able to stop and will be
caught up in no time!
I was super busy this past weekend so I fell
behind in my reading, but with stuff that is this
good to read, I won't be able to stop and will be
caught up in no time!