for Loyalty's Boundaries11/28/2015 c1 
3Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac
I adore these sorts of "slice-of-life" stories about everyday people getting caught up in the Rebellion or the Empire, and at last I've found someone other than me doing them. This was great fun, and it properly conveyed the arbitrary, fascistic terror of the Empire. The Stormtrooper's rage at his squad's death, and the sadistic way he took it out on Melika, was a very good example of how the evil of the Empire works, besides being a convenient plot device. The action was a bit hard to follow, though - I had to read the section I just cited to follow what was going on. (Then again, this story is a couple years old, so this might all be old news. :v) There were also a few awkward phrases and dialogue tags ("the medic snapped as Melika began to open her mouth;" "he moaned, oblivious to her softening;" the odd passive voice in a place it shouldn't be). Maintenance, etc.
With all due respect,
~Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac
Thanks for a fun story! c:
3Supreme Gamesmaster YddisacI adore these sorts of "slice-of-life" stories about everyday people getting caught up in the Rebellion or the Empire, and at last I've found someone other than me doing them. This was great fun, and it properly conveyed the arbitrary, fascistic terror of the Empire. The Stormtrooper's rage at his squad's death, and the sadistic way he took it out on Melika, was a very good example of how the evil of the Empire works, besides being a convenient plot device. The action was a bit hard to follow, though - I had to read the section I just cited to follow what was going on. (Then again, this story is a couple years old, so this might all be old news. :v) There were also a few awkward phrases and dialogue tags ("the medic snapped as Melika began to open her mouth;" "he moaned, oblivious to her softening;" the odd passive voice in a place it shouldn't be). Maintenance, etc.
With all due respect,
~Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac
Thanks for a fun story! c:
1/9/2014 c1 F Maurice
Really good. It's nice to read a story once in a while from a new character in the Star Wars universe.
Really good. It's nice to read a story once in a while from a new character in the Star Wars universe.