for Big Sister for the Day12/7/2013 c1 
117Rosawyn
Fandom blindness warning: totally fandom blind! I've never even heard of 'Listen to Me Girls, I Am Your Father,' which I suppose shouldn’t be much of a surprise to either of us, because it seems FFN hasn't heard of it either. :P
Anyway, I noticed this one didn't have any reviews, and something about a pie in the summary caught my eye. Apparently I like pie, lol.
The opening is very abrupt, but it really seems to fit, since it's something quite unexpected happening. At least, it doesn’t seem like the boy expected it. Is “the boy” the same person as Yuuta? If so, I think it would be better to use his name in the first case. As it is, it seems to be suggesting that Yuuta is a third character involved in the conversation, but it's not made clear.
I am intrigued by the character of Raika. She seems very socially awkward, since she speaks in a monotonous tone, but she made a pie for someone's birthday, which is a really nice thing to do. (I wish someone would make a pie for my birthday!)
The “baking tin” phrase seem odd to me. It's probably just a regional thing, but I've always seen/heard it as “pie plate” (usually this one), “pie tin,” or “pie pan.” To me, a “baking tin” (or, more often, “baking pan”) is for baking cakes and usually has square corners. Of course, you can make a square pie, and you can probably make a pie in a cake pan, so I guess it's not really that important. Just stood out as a bit odd.
It's nice of Yuuta to invite Raika to the party. :) Especially since she made a pie.
I'm confused about the whole walking away thing. I mean, I get that she's socially awkward and didn't seem to realize he was still talking to her and stuff. I'm just confused, because she apparently stops twice. And I have no idea why she raises a hand? Does the second stop refer to her stopping raising her hand?
Birthdays aren't just for families where I'm from! I wonder if it's a cultural thing, or if Raika just doesn't know that friends are often invited to birthday parties.
Wow, I don't know if this is just fandom-blindness, but him asking her to be his wife for the day just seems so hilariously random. And her almost non-reaction to it is hilarious too. I guess even Yuuta is a bit socially awkward, or at least he seems so here. His wife for the day, lol.
Pretty sure “town” is a typo in “jotted something town.”
I have no idea what a 'Ja ne' is, so that was pretty confusing. Is that something in Japanese?
Well obviously, she didn't like the idea of being his wife for the day, so too bad! Nice ending, by the way.
117RosawynFandom blindness warning: totally fandom blind! I've never even heard of 'Listen to Me Girls, I Am Your Father,' which I suppose shouldn’t be much of a surprise to either of us, because it seems FFN hasn't heard of it either. :P
Anyway, I noticed this one didn't have any reviews, and something about a pie in the summary caught my eye. Apparently I like pie, lol.
The opening is very abrupt, but it really seems to fit, since it's something quite unexpected happening. At least, it doesn’t seem like the boy expected it. Is “the boy” the same person as Yuuta? If so, I think it would be better to use his name in the first case. As it is, it seems to be suggesting that Yuuta is a third character involved in the conversation, but it's not made clear.
I am intrigued by the character of Raika. She seems very socially awkward, since she speaks in a monotonous tone, but she made a pie for someone's birthday, which is a really nice thing to do. (I wish someone would make a pie for my birthday!)
The “baking tin” phrase seem odd to me. It's probably just a regional thing, but I've always seen/heard it as “pie plate” (usually this one), “pie tin,” or “pie pan.” To me, a “baking tin” (or, more often, “baking pan”) is for baking cakes and usually has square corners. Of course, you can make a square pie, and you can probably make a pie in a cake pan, so I guess it's not really that important. Just stood out as a bit odd.
It's nice of Yuuta to invite Raika to the party. :) Especially since she made a pie.
I'm confused about the whole walking away thing. I mean, I get that she's socially awkward and didn't seem to realize he was still talking to her and stuff. I'm just confused, because she apparently stops twice. And I have no idea why she raises a hand? Does the second stop refer to her stopping raising her hand?
Birthdays aren't just for families where I'm from! I wonder if it's a cultural thing, or if Raika just doesn't know that friends are often invited to birthday parties.
Wow, I don't know if this is just fandom-blindness, but him asking her to be his wife for the day just seems so hilariously random. And her almost non-reaction to it is hilarious too. I guess even Yuuta is a bit socially awkward, or at least he seems so here. His wife for the day, lol.
Pretty sure “town” is a typo in “jotted something town.”
I have no idea what a 'Ja ne' is, so that was pretty confusing. Is that something in Japanese?
Well obviously, she didn't like the idea of being his wife for the day, so too bad! Nice ending, by the way.