for The Golden Devil10/17/2017 c18 REDD1997
Nice fight between Naruto and Kokabiel can't wait to see what else he can do now that he has Excalibur and Albion there's no telling what he can come up with now.
Nice fight between Naruto and Kokabiel can't wait to see what else he can do now that he has Excalibur and Albion there's no telling what he can come up with now.
10/17/2017 c13 REDD1997
So Naruto finally introduces Miya to the others, will she be a main character in this story or is this just a one time thing? Either way can't wait to see how sekirei is incorporated into this story besides just the hanya mask.
So Naruto finally introduces Miya to the others, will she be a main character in this story or is this just a one time thing? Either way can't wait to see how sekirei is incorporated into this story besides just the hanya mask.
10/17/2017 c12 REDD1997
Damn talk about a one-sided fight in the words of Ice Cube "YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT." I wonder how people will react knowing that the Lucifer family is now back and what people will think about Naruto's ability to use light magic.
Damn talk about a one-sided fight in the words of Ice Cube "YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT." I wonder how people will react knowing that the Lucifer family is now back and what people will think about Naruto's ability to use light magic.
10/17/2017 c10 REDD1997
Awesome can't wait to see how people react to Naruto collecting Excalibur or to see how people react to a devil USING Excalibur. So many people are gonna lose it. Also can't wait to see who all will be in Naruto's peerage.
Awesome can't wait to see how people react to Naruto collecting Excalibur or to see how people react to a devil USING Excalibur. So many people are gonna lose it. Also can't wait to see who all will be in Naruto's peerage.
10/17/2017 c5 REDD1997
Nice chapter seems Naruto's got some new powers can't wait to see what he can do with them.
Nice chapter seems Naruto's got some new powers can't wait to see what he can do with them.
10/17/2017 c2 REDD1997
Wow didn't see that coming with the whole excalibur's sheath thing talk about a nice twist to the story can't wait to see what he can do wih it.
Wow didn't see that coming with the whole excalibur's sheath thing talk about a nice twist to the story can't wait to see what he can do wih it.
10/13/2017 c21 Guest
What a load of bullshit so Rias and Akeno can keep secrets from Naruto but when Naruto has some they go ballistic?
What a load of bullshit so Rias and Akeno can keep secrets from Naruto but when Naruto has some they go ballistic?
10/5/2017 c8 
31529
A pretty good story... but not really a crossover... the only thing shared between this and Naruto are some characters' names. Thanks for writing.
31529A pretty good story... but not really a crossover... the only thing shared between this and Naruto are some characters' names. Thanks for writing.
10/5/2017 c21 Meta1213
Love this stody and i noticed you made some edits to theplder chapters since i last read them. All good and i can't wait to ses what else you do.
Love this stody and i noticed you made some edits to theplder chapters since i last read them. All good and i can't wait to ses what else you do.
9/28/2017 c21 Guest
* "It seems the improperly mixture of the Senjutsu injection with his own absorption ability reacted badly for Jirōbō "
"It seems that Jirōbō's own absorption ability reacted badly with the Senjutsu injection mixture."
* who flinched as she rubbed her newly healed side where Jirōbō's detach fist had impaled before he died.*
"detached fist had impaled her..."
* MySacred Gear may have finish healing your injuries but that doesn't mean you should do any major movements just yet."*
"My Sacred Gear..."
Needed a space.
"finished" not "finish".
* "Don't be say that, Mito! *
Nuke the "be".
* Rias and Akeno were following through with their promise to get answers out of Naruto while off to the side, Gawain was sitting near Kiba, Arcueid, and Len, *
Comma after "Naruto", while the comma after "side" needs nuking.
* the two Knights glances over to the side.*
"glanced"
* But before the Former Nekoshou hadNekoshou had the chance to do anything, *
Nuke "hadNekoshou".
* his words making Issei and the others stared at the blonde Knight in shock.*
"stare" not "stared".
* and Koneko nearly took away her emotions."*
"abandoned" not "took away". You take away things from others, not yourself.
*The report stating that I had gone made with power after harnessingSenjutsu was a lie that the House of Botis had told everyone to prevent the truth from coming out*
"mad" not "made".
"harnessing Senjutsu", needs a space.
Comma after "lie".
"has told"
* It never bothered him on who he was doing his experiments on,*
Nuke the first "on".
* I told my grandmother the situation but it seemed like she already knew everything."*
Comma after "situation".
* before taking notice to Rias avert her eyes*
"notice of Rias averting her eyes"
* s it alright if you contact my grandmother*
"Could you contact my grandmother.."
Your current sentence is asking for permission to contact his grandmother, rather than asking if Arcueid would mind doing so for him.
* She wants to you both and Kuroka before she gets Lord Sirzechs."*
"wants to talk to you both..."
* as they wrapped together over his lap, *
"her lap"
* Koneko couldn't help but feel relieved that she was alone in the Occult Research Club building despite the current scenario they were facing*
Comma after "building".
* Koneko questioned to herself before she heard footsteps and turned to see three women standing off to the side. "Kasumi Botis, and those two are…?!"*
"muttered" not "questioned", as she did more than just utter a question.
Comma after "herself"
* Kasumi said coldly as she placed on her hip, her yellow eyes glowing behind the mask*
"placed her hand on her hip..." Pluralization is also appropriate here: "placed her hands on her hips..."
* The Lucifer Satan waved his hands in front of him with a smile still on his face before it was replaced with a semi-serious expression*
Comma after "face".
* There is one thing that I haven't told you. For the past few years, the House of Botis has been making demands for the House of Gremory to hand Koneko over to them*
"demands to" not "demands for".
* Sirzechs's head turned lightly as his gaze actually went passed Naruto and Rias to something behind them, making the two turn their heads to see serious Kuroka standing at the door with a bottle of Silver Vine Sake in her hand and Avalon floating near her head.*
"past" not "passed"
"to see a serious a looking Kuroka..."
* and if your information hold truth than I am sure we can make some sort of deal… but that is only if you work with us*
"holds true" with a comma after "true" or "information is truth" with a comma after "truth". Former works better than the latter BTW.
* I thought that she would be safe before since she was going to be a Peerage member of Lucifer's little sister, and I could watch her from the shadows… *
Comma after "before" and nuke the one after "sister".
* A small smirk formed on Mito's face as she dismissed the chain coming out of her palm vanished before bringing the hand to rub her other arm"
Comma after "palm". Insert "it" prior to "vanished".
"the hand" should be: "that hand".
* Sorry, but Kitchi doesn't like people who he believes is a threat. *
"are a threat".
*it's mouth opening wide allowing her dismembered hand fall out of its mouth, and the venom Mito was talking about could be seen dripping from its fangs.*
"Its" not "It's". Possessive required.
Comma after "wide'.
"to fall out of..."
* Guren questioned in shock as they watched the Hydra lift itself from Mez's body before moving close to Mito and gently rubbed its head against the smaller girl,*
Commas after "shock" and "body".
* "That's because the injections that those fools had were only the weak, incomplete doses that we created after we first went through our older brother's notes." *
Comma after "had". Nuke the comma after "weak".
* Guren had already tore through the chains until she was hovering over them. *
"torn" not "tore"
Comma after "chains".
* Kitchi was the first one to reacted as he tried to bite the crystal user only for her to kick his head away with enough force to knock his body back. "*
"react" not 'reacted".
Comma after "react" BTW.
* and brought her hands up to intercept Guren's follow up with a kick before grabbing onto her ankle tightly. *
Comma after "kick".
* as she watched Guren retreat a few feet back to reveal crystal shard coming from her stomach. *
"shards" not "shard".
* complete knocking the air out of her lungs and made the girl lose consciousness.*
"completely".
* you don't stand a chance at one-on-one combat!" *
"in one-on-one combat!"
* Kuroka, get downmove away!" *
"down, move away!"
* But need to get Kitchi out of there soon!"*
"But we need to..."
* The issue that we have is that we don't know where they are located since they no longer live at their previous estates.*
Commas after "is" and "located".
* who responded with a deadpanned look.*
"deadpan" not "deadpanned".
*"That is good in thought form, *
"theory" not "thought form".
* Is a special technique that is said to allow the user instantaneously teleport themselves to anywhere they wish using special marker." *
"It's a special..."
Comma after "technique".
Insert "to" after "user"
Comma after "wish" 85% sure, rather than the usual 100%.
"markers" not "marker"
* I read about you in the text, you're Minato Namikaze! The Yellow Flash!"*
"texts" not "text".
* Turning around as Kuroka walked passed him,*
"past" not "passed".
* even if that means giving up me li-"*
"my" not "me".
* Clenching her hands into fists as memories of their battle with defeating Mez before a Senjutsu powered Guren joined the fight and knocked them both out with ease*
Insert "and" prior to "defeating"
Comma after "Mez".
* getting a look at the small burns on crying girl's hands before sending hateful glares at the three.*
"the crying girl's..."
* I should have warned you about the spell casted on the prison you are in.*
"cast" or "placed" not "casted".
* Most of them were test subjects that Sutairi had been before he died*
"had been working on before he died."
* and no one noticed one of his eyes changes colors with his iris become a pale yellow color while his sclerae turn black*
"changing" not "changes"
"becoming" not "become"
Nuke the word "color", as it's superfluous.
"sclera" not "sclerae". As you're dealing with a single eye, thus singular and not plural.
"turned"
* In the reflection of his eyes, a close-up look of Koneko and Mito could be seen before his eye returned to normal as he turned back towards the exit of the dungeon.*
"eye" not "eyes"
"before it returned to normal"
Comma after "normal", 75% sure, rather than 100%.
_
Anyway, you might want to take a gander at the Freeware program known as "Grammarly" as it would've helped you eliminate 90 to 95%, at the least, of the errors I jotted down above.
As for a "Reading Story", respectfully, finish one of your stories first before asking for that. The sheer number of unfinished "Reading Stories", because the Source Material was abandoned is rather staggering.
And I know, YOU wouldn't do that. Problem is lots of authors have said this, only for Real Life to force them to do so anyway. *shrugs*
Better to finish a story and have that one turned into a "Reading Story", least that way the sole responsibility lies with the author of the "Reading Story", thus increasing chances that it'll end up finished as well.
Example, if there's a 50% chance you won't finish a story and there's a 50% chance that the Reading Story Author won't do the same, than the overall chances of the Reading Story being finished drops down to 25%.
Not something that should fill the rest of us with optimism.
A finished story on the other hand would have a 50% chance for completion. Still nothing to write home about, but still better than the alternative.
Just my 2 cents though.
* "It seems the improperly mixture of the Senjutsu injection with his own absorption ability reacted badly for Jirōbō "
"It seems that Jirōbō's own absorption ability reacted badly with the Senjutsu injection mixture."
* who flinched as she rubbed her newly healed side where Jirōbō's detach fist had impaled before he died.*
"detached fist had impaled her..."
* MySacred Gear may have finish healing your injuries but that doesn't mean you should do any major movements just yet."*
"My Sacred Gear..."
Needed a space.
"finished" not "finish".
* "Don't be say that, Mito! *
Nuke the "be".
* Rias and Akeno were following through with their promise to get answers out of Naruto while off to the side, Gawain was sitting near Kiba, Arcueid, and Len, *
Comma after "Naruto", while the comma after "side" needs nuking.
* the two Knights glances over to the side.*
"glanced"
* But before the Former Nekoshou hadNekoshou had the chance to do anything, *
Nuke "hadNekoshou".
* his words making Issei and the others stared at the blonde Knight in shock.*
"stare" not "stared".
* and Koneko nearly took away her emotions."*
"abandoned" not "took away". You take away things from others, not yourself.
*The report stating that I had gone made with power after harnessingSenjutsu was a lie that the House of Botis had told everyone to prevent the truth from coming out*
"mad" not "made".
"harnessing Senjutsu", needs a space.
Comma after "lie".
"has told"
* It never bothered him on who he was doing his experiments on,*
Nuke the first "on".
* I told my grandmother the situation but it seemed like she already knew everything."*
Comma after "situation".
* before taking notice to Rias avert her eyes*
"notice of Rias averting her eyes"
* s it alright if you contact my grandmother*
"Could you contact my grandmother.."
Your current sentence is asking for permission to contact his grandmother, rather than asking if Arcueid would mind doing so for him.
* She wants to you both and Kuroka before she gets Lord Sirzechs."*
"wants to talk to you both..."
* as they wrapped together over his lap, *
"her lap"
* Koneko couldn't help but feel relieved that she was alone in the Occult Research Club building despite the current scenario they were facing*
Comma after "building".
* Koneko questioned to herself before she heard footsteps and turned to see three women standing off to the side. "Kasumi Botis, and those two are…?!"*
"muttered" not "questioned", as she did more than just utter a question.
Comma after "herself"
* Kasumi said coldly as she placed on her hip, her yellow eyes glowing behind the mask*
"placed her hand on her hip..." Pluralization is also appropriate here: "placed her hands on her hips..."
* The Lucifer Satan waved his hands in front of him with a smile still on his face before it was replaced with a semi-serious expression*
Comma after "face".
* There is one thing that I haven't told you. For the past few years, the House of Botis has been making demands for the House of Gremory to hand Koneko over to them*
"demands to" not "demands for".
* Sirzechs's head turned lightly as his gaze actually went passed Naruto and Rias to something behind them, making the two turn their heads to see serious Kuroka standing at the door with a bottle of Silver Vine Sake in her hand and Avalon floating near her head.*
"past" not "passed"
"to see a serious a looking Kuroka..."
* and if your information hold truth than I am sure we can make some sort of deal… but that is only if you work with us*
"holds true" with a comma after "true" or "information is truth" with a comma after "truth". Former works better than the latter BTW.
* I thought that she would be safe before since she was going to be a Peerage member of Lucifer's little sister, and I could watch her from the shadows… *
Comma after "before" and nuke the one after "sister".
* A small smirk formed on Mito's face as she dismissed the chain coming out of her palm vanished before bringing the hand to rub her other arm"
Comma after "palm". Insert "it" prior to "vanished".
"the hand" should be: "that hand".
* Sorry, but Kitchi doesn't like people who he believes is a threat. *
"are a threat".
*it's mouth opening wide allowing her dismembered hand fall out of its mouth, and the venom Mito was talking about could be seen dripping from its fangs.*
"Its" not "It's". Possessive required.
Comma after "wide'.
"to fall out of..."
* Guren questioned in shock as they watched the Hydra lift itself from Mez's body before moving close to Mito and gently rubbed its head against the smaller girl,*
Commas after "shock" and "body".
* "That's because the injections that those fools had were only the weak, incomplete doses that we created after we first went through our older brother's notes." *
Comma after "had". Nuke the comma after "weak".
* Guren had already tore through the chains until she was hovering over them. *
"torn" not "tore"
Comma after "chains".
* Kitchi was the first one to reacted as he tried to bite the crystal user only for her to kick his head away with enough force to knock his body back. "*
"react" not 'reacted".
Comma after "react" BTW.
* and brought her hands up to intercept Guren's follow up with a kick before grabbing onto her ankle tightly. *
Comma after "kick".
* as she watched Guren retreat a few feet back to reveal crystal shard coming from her stomach. *
"shards" not "shard".
* complete knocking the air out of her lungs and made the girl lose consciousness.*
"completely".
* you don't stand a chance at one-on-one combat!" *
"in one-on-one combat!"
* Kuroka, get downmove away!" *
"down, move away!"
* But need to get Kitchi out of there soon!"*
"But we need to..."
* The issue that we have is that we don't know where they are located since they no longer live at their previous estates.*
Commas after "is" and "located".
* who responded with a deadpanned look.*
"deadpan" not "deadpanned".
*"That is good in thought form, *
"theory" not "thought form".
* Is a special technique that is said to allow the user instantaneously teleport themselves to anywhere they wish using special marker." *
"It's a special..."
Comma after "technique".
Insert "to" after "user"
Comma after "wish" 85% sure, rather than the usual 100%.
"markers" not "marker"
* I read about you in the text, you're Minato Namikaze! The Yellow Flash!"*
"texts" not "text".
* Turning around as Kuroka walked passed him,*
"past" not "passed".
* even if that means giving up me li-"*
"my" not "me".
* Clenching her hands into fists as memories of their battle with defeating Mez before a Senjutsu powered Guren joined the fight and knocked them both out with ease*
Insert "and" prior to "defeating"
Comma after "Mez".
* getting a look at the small burns on crying girl's hands before sending hateful glares at the three.*
"the crying girl's..."
* I should have warned you about the spell casted on the prison you are in.*
"cast" or "placed" not "casted".
* Most of them were test subjects that Sutairi had been before he died*
"had been working on before he died."
* and no one noticed one of his eyes changes colors with his iris become a pale yellow color while his sclerae turn black*
"changing" not "changes"
"becoming" not "become"
Nuke the word "color", as it's superfluous.
"sclera" not "sclerae". As you're dealing with a single eye, thus singular and not plural.
"turned"
* In the reflection of his eyes, a close-up look of Koneko and Mito could be seen before his eye returned to normal as he turned back towards the exit of the dungeon.*
"eye" not "eyes"
"before it returned to normal"
Comma after "normal", 75% sure, rather than 100%.
_
Anyway, you might want to take a gander at the Freeware program known as "Grammarly" as it would've helped you eliminate 90 to 95%, at the least, of the errors I jotted down above.
As for a "Reading Story", respectfully, finish one of your stories first before asking for that. The sheer number of unfinished "Reading Stories", because the Source Material was abandoned is rather staggering.
And I know, YOU wouldn't do that. Problem is lots of authors have said this, only for Real Life to force them to do so anyway. *shrugs*
Better to finish a story and have that one turned into a "Reading Story", least that way the sole responsibility lies with the author of the "Reading Story", thus increasing chances that it'll end up finished as well.
Example, if there's a 50% chance you won't finish a story and there's a 50% chance that the Reading Story Author won't do the same, than the overall chances of the Reading Story being finished drops down to 25%.
Not something that should fill the rest of us with optimism.
A finished story on the other hand would have a 50% chance for completion. Still nothing to write home about, but still better than the alternative.
Just my 2 cents though.
9/28/2017 c6 Guest
Well, that was stupid. This fic had a good start but is falling downhill. This was the dumbest chapter yet. Everything was stupid. It's pretty bad when you can't come up with anything to write except to use contrived devices to make you main character suddenly less strong. Maybe you shouldn't have spent so much time the previous chapters ranting about how strong he was? Maybe you could have started him out slower and had a much more believable plot? Then his sister and Asia are supposedly far enough to be safe but suddenly are right back in the middle when this weak from fear Naruto is hurt. Oh yeah, there's the fear thing that he supposedly conquered the previous chapter and now it's back again?
Are you trying to write Naruto as a pussy?
Well, that was stupid. This fic had a good start but is falling downhill. This was the dumbest chapter yet. Everything was stupid. It's pretty bad when you can't come up with anything to write except to use contrived devices to make you main character suddenly less strong. Maybe you shouldn't have spent so much time the previous chapters ranting about how strong he was? Maybe you could have started him out slower and had a much more believable plot? Then his sister and Asia are supposedly far enough to be safe but suddenly are right back in the middle when this weak from fear Naruto is hurt. Oh yeah, there's the fear thing that he supposedly conquered the previous chapter and now it's back again?
Are you trying to write Naruto as a pussy?