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for Blood Splatters: The 23rd Hunger Games

10/6/2013 c2 seventhquill907
Yay! Gamemaker!

Han is unlike any Gamemaker I've met. He's just out there, you know? I love the last paragraph *Chills*.

Great job, Bobo!
Please have extra inspiration so you can update soon (which is odd since there's not much left to write until reapings are done).
10/6/2013 c2 Heat Shield
It's good; I think a tad longer on each person (especially the tributes in the future) would make it easier for each of them to connect with us.

I personally like third person, and Gamemaker Ferring just seems maniacally evil. Just my type.
10/6/2013 c2 21Elim9
I prefer third person and personally find it easier to write. A lot of people seem to write in first person, probably because it's what's used in the book. But the book is only told from Katniss' perspective. When you're trying to juggle 24 different points of view - plus a gamemaker and a president - third person is probably easier and definitely more objective.

Third person *present* tense is an interesting choice, and I'm guessing you'll have a better feel for how that'll work out once you get to write something that's not describing events five years in the past.

Han is ... definitely different from a lot of other head Gamemakers. Ambitious. Ruthless. Cunning. Not terrified of the president, which is a nice change of pace. I wouldn't want to be in one of his arenas. (Then again, I wouldn't want to be in *anyone's* arena, but that's rather beside the point.)

Looking forward to meeting some tributes. :)
10/6/2013 c1 Elim9
You've done a great job of teasing the arena enough to get us interested without giving away too much. We get a good feel of the layout and see some of the mutts, but it's clear there are more surprises to come. So good job with that.

The idea of at least some of the reapings being rigged is an intriguing one - although it doesn't account for volunteers. Makes us wonder if you're already busy picking out those seven who will die slowly. [Insert evil laugh.]

"May I entrust you in making them remember?" is kind of an awkward sentence, but I'm not really sure what it should be, instead. Maybe "with" instead of "in."

Thank you for being up-front about how often you're going to update and the fact that the earlier chapters - reapings, train rides, and such - will probably be short. If we know beforehand how long to expect between chapters, you're much less likely to get a lot of PMs asking when the next chapter will be up. And nice job with a simple, easy-to-follow sponsor system (that also encourages reviews).

Looking forward to meeting some tributes. :)
10/6/2013 c1 4xxJokoxx
Well, I just sent in Janos. I wonder how these Games will go, I have a pretty good feeling that almost everyone will go into the forest. Looking forward to the Games.
Koala
10/6/2013 c1 2Call Me Fin
Well, like you said, it was short. But it was enough to hook me. A very unorthodox pair, president and gamemaker. I rather like them.

I think a bit more detail could have been put in, but like you said, the pre games stuff is usually quite repetive. I still hope you put a fair amount of detail in the reapings, because character devolpemt is extremely important. I need to be able to connect to the tributes, or else wouldn't be able to stay interested.

Overall a good starter chapter, with only a few grammar/spelling mistakes. I look forward to reading more!
10/5/2013 c1 Glaecier
Really good starting plot, great hook too. I love the woman president because in pretty much every story I read, it's nothing but guys in the big positions (game makers, presidents.) Short review right now because I can't think of much else other than awesome chapter, can't wait for more!
10/5/2013 c1 Heat Shield
Great intro, I actually like the Gamemaker since he had a backbone unlike so many other Heads in SYOTs. President Quinn seems kinda thin, you should write a bit more with her so she can develop more.
10/5/2013 c1 seventhquill907
I'm really excited to see what you do with my Career boys!

Everest and Graecus are so different... it'll be cool to see how you write each tribute and how their differences affect the Career alliance!
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