for The perfect defect7/23/2017 c22 moonlightclock
It's been years since the last update please update a new chapter soon It is a really brilliant story to not continue it
It's been years since the last update please update a new chapter soon It is a really brilliant story to not continue it
5/30/2017 c20 Guest
Sasuke's backstory was pretty interesting. Now that's we've heard about his struggles, it makes me think the story made a mistake in picking Naruto for the main character. It should have been Sasuke. Compared to the rest of the people in the Uzumaki household, Naruto is actually the least interesting person in the fic. Minato and Kushina are mad scientists trying to fix the family that they destroyed through their neglect. Sai is the unwanted defect trying to find his place in the world. Sasuke is the newest creation who can't understand emotions, but who knows if he doesn't maintain his "perfect" facade, he'll be killed, just like all the creations that came before him. Meanwhile, Naruto is the biological son who flips out every time there's a new revelation about his parents. And he flips out an awful lot.
While the other characters are trying to achieve something, what's Naruto trying to achieve? He's rebelling to get his parents' attention? That's an impotent goal because Minato and Kushina have already decided on their own that they want to fix their family. Naruto's rebellion is therefore unnecessary. Besides that, what are the rest of Naruto's problems? He was bullied pretty badly as a kid and still gets harassed to some extent; however, it's not currently a huge problem, and even if it was, it's a fairly mundane problem compared to the issues his other family members are facing. Naruto maybe has a split personality? That sucks, but it's not affecting his life at the moment. Even if it was, it's not a problem that fits well with the rest of the fic. This is a science fiction story and Naruto's problems have nothing to do with science fiction while Minato's, Kushina's, Sai's, and Sasuke's all do. Naruto is a bratty teenager while the others are mad scientists and artificial humans. He's the only one in the family who's out of step with the genre.
Naruto is also a passive contributor to the plot. He reacts to the things others do, he doesn't act. Dying his hair and having a party are not plot-changing actions. Sai attempting suicide IS a plot-changing action. Minato and Kushina bringing Sasuke home IS a plot-changing action. And, as I've tried to argue, the stakes he's playing for are pretty low. Naruto wants his parents' attention and for their family to be whole and that's mostly it. Meanwhile, Minato and Kushina are trying to fix all the terrible things they've done. A redemption journey is a much bigger goal than what Naruto's trying to achieve. Then there's Sai who just wants to be accepted and feel like he's wanted. Sai is trying to validate his entire existence, again that's a much bigger deal than what Naruto's got going on. Finally there's Sasuke who is playing for the biggest stakes of all. If Sasuke can't continue to impress his parents, he's going to be discarded, just like his predecessors. Sasuke's issues are literally life or death, even more than Sai's!
Sasuke's also got the biggest obstacles in trying to get what he wants. He's got no friends and no true allies. Naruto and Sai are basically working against him while Minato and Kushina have the ability to turn on him. He doesn't understand emotion and is limited by his own inexperience. He has both internal and external challenges. In comparison, Minato and Kushina are only limited in achieving their goals by their own inability to face the truth of what they've done. Sai has Naruto's support and the partial support of his parents. Naruto doesn't have to lift a finger to get what he wants because Minato and Kushina are already working on it. So that leaves Sasuke with the biggest problems and the biggest challenges in overcoming those problems. Your main character should always be the person in the story with the most to win or lose (Sasuke), not the one with the least (Naruto)!
(Despite being the love interest, Naruto is probably one of Sasuke's biggest problems. Rather than being caring or supportive, Naruto is the opposite. For example, I simply don't understand why Sasuke thought Naruto could be trusted with his story. Because shipping is the only explanation. Literally the second he finished talking, Naruto went running to Kiba! Not only that, but Naruto does NOT have a good track record with keeping Sasuke's secrets. He'd always planned to use Sasuke's book against him, it just so happened he spilled that secret in retaliation to Sasuke forcing him out of the closet. Despite the story insisting Naruto is a good person, his actions SHOW he isn't as harmless as the story TELLS us he is. In practice, he's definitely one of Sasuke's roadblocks. In 22 chapters, Naruto's done nothing to help Sasuke, but in that same time, he's done multiple things to harm him. At the same time, the only thing Sasuke's done for Naruto is to demand sex from him, just like his bullies, so he isn't being caring or supportive either. The fic is half over and all our main couple have done is prove they're awful for each other.)
To make a comparison so you understand what I'm getting at, picking Naruto as the main character is sort of like S. Meyer picking boring, ordinary Bella as the main character in Twilight. Everyone else was vampires, everyone else had long-standing problems with the Volturi. Bella was a bystander. That's basically Naruto in this story. He's a boring, ordinary bystander. I'm greatly sympathetic to his anger at his parents and his resentment of Sasuke, but him having good reasons to be mad isn't a justification for why he should be the main character. He'd actually be a lot more interesting as a side-character that Sasuke was trying win over. It's like, Sasuke didn't ask to be created, didn't ask to join the Uzumaki family, had nothing to do with Sai trying to kill himself, yet his creation was the cause of it. Now his new brother hates him for all of these things. Even worse, he suddenly finds himself attracted to said brother. How would Sasuke change Naruto's mind? How would Sasuke help Naruto with his family problems when he's the cause of some of them?
You see? This is a much more interesting way to look at the story and the characters than the way it is now with Naruto as the POV character. Naruto has such a limited world-view and such limited goals that it also limits the scope and theme of the story. With Naruto as the main character, your story can only be about family and teenage frustrations. With Sai as your main character, the story could be about what it means to exist, with Minato and Kushina it's about redemption, and with Sasuke as main character it's about existing, fitting in, understanding the world, and learning about love.
Sasuke's backstory was pretty interesting. Now that's we've heard about his struggles, it makes me think the story made a mistake in picking Naruto for the main character. It should have been Sasuke. Compared to the rest of the people in the Uzumaki household, Naruto is actually the least interesting person in the fic. Minato and Kushina are mad scientists trying to fix the family that they destroyed through their neglect. Sai is the unwanted defect trying to find his place in the world. Sasuke is the newest creation who can't understand emotions, but who knows if he doesn't maintain his "perfect" facade, he'll be killed, just like all the creations that came before him. Meanwhile, Naruto is the biological son who flips out every time there's a new revelation about his parents. And he flips out an awful lot.
While the other characters are trying to achieve something, what's Naruto trying to achieve? He's rebelling to get his parents' attention? That's an impotent goal because Minato and Kushina have already decided on their own that they want to fix their family. Naruto's rebellion is therefore unnecessary. Besides that, what are the rest of Naruto's problems? He was bullied pretty badly as a kid and still gets harassed to some extent; however, it's not currently a huge problem, and even if it was, it's a fairly mundane problem compared to the issues his other family members are facing. Naruto maybe has a split personality? That sucks, but it's not affecting his life at the moment. Even if it was, it's not a problem that fits well with the rest of the fic. This is a science fiction story and Naruto's problems have nothing to do with science fiction while Minato's, Kushina's, Sai's, and Sasuke's all do. Naruto is a bratty teenager while the others are mad scientists and artificial humans. He's the only one in the family who's out of step with the genre.
Naruto is also a passive contributor to the plot. He reacts to the things others do, he doesn't act. Dying his hair and having a party are not plot-changing actions. Sai attempting suicide IS a plot-changing action. Minato and Kushina bringing Sasuke home IS a plot-changing action. And, as I've tried to argue, the stakes he's playing for are pretty low. Naruto wants his parents' attention and for their family to be whole and that's mostly it. Meanwhile, Minato and Kushina are trying to fix all the terrible things they've done. A redemption journey is a much bigger goal than what Naruto's trying to achieve. Then there's Sai who just wants to be accepted and feel like he's wanted. Sai is trying to validate his entire existence, again that's a much bigger deal than what Naruto's got going on. Finally there's Sasuke who is playing for the biggest stakes of all. If Sasuke can't continue to impress his parents, he's going to be discarded, just like his predecessors. Sasuke's issues are literally life or death, even more than Sai's!
Sasuke's also got the biggest obstacles in trying to get what he wants. He's got no friends and no true allies. Naruto and Sai are basically working against him while Minato and Kushina have the ability to turn on him. He doesn't understand emotion and is limited by his own inexperience. He has both internal and external challenges. In comparison, Minato and Kushina are only limited in achieving their goals by their own inability to face the truth of what they've done. Sai has Naruto's support and the partial support of his parents. Naruto doesn't have to lift a finger to get what he wants because Minato and Kushina are already working on it. So that leaves Sasuke with the biggest problems and the biggest challenges in overcoming those problems. Your main character should always be the person in the story with the most to win or lose (Sasuke), not the one with the least (Naruto)!
(Despite being the love interest, Naruto is probably one of Sasuke's biggest problems. Rather than being caring or supportive, Naruto is the opposite. For example, I simply don't understand why Sasuke thought Naruto could be trusted with his story. Because shipping is the only explanation. Literally the second he finished talking, Naruto went running to Kiba! Not only that, but Naruto does NOT have a good track record with keeping Sasuke's secrets. He'd always planned to use Sasuke's book against him, it just so happened he spilled that secret in retaliation to Sasuke forcing him out of the closet. Despite the story insisting Naruto is a good person, his actions SHOW he isn't as harmless as the story TELLS us he is. In practice, he's definitely one of Sasuke's roadblocks. In 22 chapters, Naruto's done nothing to help Sasuke, but in that same time, he's done multiple things to harm him. At the same time, the only thing Sasuke's done for Naruto is to demand sex from him, just like his bullies, so he isn't being caring or supportive either. The fic is half over and all our main couple have done is prove they're awful for each other.)
To make a comparison so you understand what I'm getting at, picking Naruto as the main character is sort of like S. Meyer picking boring, ordinary Bella as the main character in Twilight. Everyone else was vampires, everyone else had long-standing problems with the Volturi. Bella was a bystander. That's basically Naruto in this story. He's a boring, ordinary bystander. I'm greatly sympathetic to his anger at his parents and his resentment of Sasuke, but him having good reasons to be mad isn't a justification for why he should be the main character. He'd actually be a lot more interesting as a side-character that Sasuke was trying win over. It's like, Sasuke didn't ask to be created, didn't ask to join the Uzumaki family, had nothing to do with Sai trying to kill himself, yet his creation was the cause of it. Now his new brother hates him for all of these things. Even worse, he suddenly finds himself attracted to said brother. How would Sasuke change Naruto's mind? How would Sasuke help Naruto with his family problems when he's the cause of some of them?
You see? This is a much more interesting way to look at the story and the characters than the way it is now with Naruto as the POV character. Naruto has such a limited world-view and such limited goals that it also limits the scope and theme of the story. With Naruto as the main character, your story can only be about family and teenage frustrations. With Sai as your main character, the story could be about what it means to exist, with Minato and Kushina it's about redemption, and with Sasuke as main character it's about existing, fitting in, understanding the world, and learning about love.
5/30/2017 c12 Guest
Up until now, Sasuke has only played a small part in the story and he and Naruto have barely interacted. Yet now they're kissing? All of the sudden, Sasuke, a character we barely know is being shoved down our throats as the love interest with very little buildup? The pairing is clearly labeled so people knew it was coming, but the story hasn't set it up in a logical way. If this was an original fic, people wouldn't be cheering for Sasuke at all, they'd be wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Up until this point, all of his on-page interactions with Naruto have been incredibly negative, mostly thanks to Naruto. Thanks to that, Sasuke's attraction looks bizarre and unfounded. What's Naruto done that's so desirable? Act like a dick at every possible opportunity?
Yes, Sasuke already picked up on Naruto's attraction; nevertheless, the question remains, why on earth would Sasuke want Naruto? Naruto is constantly rude and treats Sasuke with disdain. Don't get me wrong, Naruto's attitude is understandable. Sasuke takes everyone's attention away from Naruto (particularly Minato and Kushina's), Sasuke is an unwanted addition to their household, and his status as the perfect creation is what pushed Sai over the edge. However, all the things Naruto hates about Sasuke are things Sasuke can't control. It's illogical Sasuke would become interested in a person who looks down on him. Naruto doesn't even think of Sasuke as an actual person with feelings! How can Sasuke possibly think anything about Naruto is desirable? Does he get off on being hated?
Naruto kissing back doesn't make sense either. Yes, he's very attracted to Sasuke, but he also genuinely doesn't like him. Is Naruto really that superficial? Is a pretty face all he cares about?
Up until now, Sasuke has only played a small part in the story and he and Naruto have barely interacted. Yet now they're kissing? All of the sudden, Sasuke, a character we barely know is being shoved down our throats as the love interest with very little buildup? The pairing is clearly labeled so people knew it was coming, but the story hasn't set it up in a logical way. If this was an original fic, people wouldn't be cheering for Sasuke at all, they'd be wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Up until this point, all of his on-page interactions with Naruto have been incredibly negative, mostly thanks to Naruto. Thanks to that, Sasuke's attraction looks bizarre and unfounded. What's Naruto done that's so desirable? Act like a dick at every possible opportunity?
Yes, Sasuke already picked up on Naruto's attraction; nevertheless, the question remains, why on earth would Sasuke want Naruto? Naruto is constantly rude and treats Sasuke with disdain. Don't get me wrong, Naruto's attitude is understandable. Sasuke takes everyone's attention away from Naruto (particularly Minato and Kushina's), Sasuke is an unwanted addition to their household, and his status as the perfect creation is what pushed Sai over the edge. However, all the things Naruto hates about Sasuke are things Sasuke can't control. It's illogical Sasuke would become interested in a person who looks down on him. Naruto doesn't even think of Sasuke as an actual person with feelings! How can Sasuke possibly think anything about Naruto is desirable? Does he get off on being hated?
Naruto kissing back doesn't make sense either. Yes, he's very attracted to Sasuke, but he also genuinely doesn't like him. Is Naruto really that superficial? Is a pretty face all he cares about?
1/4/2017 c22 
9LilithAnnRose
Please continue. Please update. I want more, will naruto begin to reconnect with his real family or branch off alone and start anew please i need to know will sasuke or sai be in the picture to come dont leave me hanging here
9LilithAnnRosePlease continue. Please update. I want more, will naruto begin to reconnect with his real family or branch off alone and start anew please i need to know will sasuke or sai be in the picture to come dont leave me hanging here
7/11/2014 c22 58Rice-Ball247
Oohhh wow 3 face off between Sasuke and Sai xD kyaaa pardon me while my imagination flies me off to someplace strange :3 hope to read more soon :)
58Rice-Ball247Oohhh wow 3 face off between Sasuke and Sai xD kyaaa pardon me while my imagination flies me off to someplace strange :3 hope to read more soon :)
6/18/2014 c22 1sasunaru321
I love this fan fiction! It's one of the best I have seen in a long time!
Honestly though I stayed up from 1:30am till 5:00am reading it (with little breaks) I just could not stop!
I think you got Sasuke right on character, and although there is very tiny differences with Naruto (when I say tiny, I mean tiny) he is still like greatly wrote.
So far the story was serious and funny. AND your story is the only one that has ever made me literally LOL.
Great job and can't wait for the next chapter!
1sasunaru321I love this fan fiction! It's one of the best I have seen in a long time!
Honestly though I stayed up from 1:30am till 5:00am reading it (with little breaks) I just could not stop!
I think you got Sasuke right on character, and although there is very tiny differences with Naruto (when I say tiny, I mean tiny) he is still like greatly wrote.
So far the story was serious and funny. AND your story is the only one that has ever made me literally LOL.
Great job and can't wait for the next chapter!
6/17/2014 c22 21ZeePrince
And so the battle for Naruto's Love begins! Who will win Sainor Sasuke!? Hahaha it's getting intense!
21ZeePrinceAnd so the battle for Naruto's Love begins! Who will win Sainor Sasuke!? Hahaha it's getting intense!
6/17/2014 c22 68Harley Diamond
Love the chapter! I love how you put it from Sasuke's point of view. I just really hope Sasuke makes Sai back of. Naruto is Sasuke's
68Harley DiamondLove the chapter! I love how you put it from Sasuke's point of view. I just really hope Sasuke makes Sai back of. Naruto is Sasuke's
6/8/2014 c21 58Rice-Ball247
Argh this is killing me! As weird as it is to admit, I kinda wanna see more SaiNaru LOL I love shipping Naruto with almost every male. Yup yup, he's my universal uke! But I digress, wow! There's been so much packed into this story, and the tension is so thick, it's intense D: I can't wait to read more from you though :) I'm glad I found this story.
58Rice-Ball247Argh this is killing me! As weird as it is to admit, I kinda wanna see more SaiNaru LOL I love shipping Naruto with almost every male. Yup yup, he's my universal uke! But I digress, wow! There's been so much packed into this story, and the tension is so thick, it's intense D: I can't wait to read more from you though :) I'm glad I found this story.
6/8/2014 c16 Rice-Ball247
It's not often that I read a story these days that compels me to review. But this story has, for the first time in a few years, actually evoked emotions out of me. I can't count the number of times I read some chapters and cried- and this chapter in particular has tears rolling down my cheeks, and it made me so anxious that I has a coughing fit. Not necessarily a bad thing. I think your Sai is my favourite of all. Naruto is like a reflection of Sai as well, only Naruto is able to express himself more. I'm glad Sai finally snapped. Sasuke... It's like a love-hate relationship. Although he is quite likeable I'm sure the other readers are squeeing over him. And don't even get me started on Minato and Kushina! I'm more conflicted about them than anything. On a small note, I can't help but smile with all the minor hints of pairings in this fic. There's a lot of growing up to be had on Naruto's part, and each character, major or minor, manages to brutally pull the best and worst out of him. Well written, well done.
It's not often that I read a story these days that compels me to review. But this story has, for the first time in a few years, actually evoked emotions out of me. I can't count the number of times I read some chapters and cried- and this chapter in particular has tears rolling down my cheeks, and it made me so anxious that I has a coughing fit. Not necessarily a bad thing. I think your Sai is my favourite of all. Naruto is like a reflection of Sai as well, only Naruto is able to express himself more. I'm glad Sai finally snapped. Sasuke... It's like a love-hate relationship. Although he is quite likeable I'm sure the other readers are squeeing over him. And don't even get me started on Minato and Kushina! I'm more conflicted about them than anything. On a small note, I can't help but smile with all the minor hints of pairings in this fic. There's a lot of growing up to be had on Naruto's part, and each character, major or minor, manages to brutally pull the best and worst out of him. Well written, well done.