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for Beyond super sonic

3/6/2018 c1 3Lucina Moonlight
dude space it out no one can read this
3/10/2015 c1 Racgirl
Try to put it into paragraphs it makes it easier to read
5/11/2014 c1 AngelCakes2335
You had a good idea here. Unfortunately it could have been executed better. This story lacks detail and proper paragraphing. This combined with a slightly confusing plot makes the story extremely hard to follow. Also, have you ever heard of Spell Check? It's this amazing program that makes sure you spell your words right. Might I suggest using it for your next stories? And one more thing, you REALLY need to learn how to use quotes. When someone starts speaking you make a new paragraph and place quotations at the beginning and end of the phrase or statement. End a quote with the appropriate endmark (, ? . or !). And PLEASE don't use "said" so much! There are so many substitutions for that word (whispered, exclaimed, called, and retorted to name a few). At least embellish it a little with an adverb like "said soothingly" or "said weakly".
In short, add a bit more detail and take a crash course in grammar and your stories will be fantastic.
4/13/2014 c1 Tails vs Scourge
Tails & Sonic were at the park,when Scourge :"How ,what's up,little dude?"Tails:"I'm alright,I guess."Just the real Scourge came and stabbed Tails through his :"NNNNNH!"Sonic,Sally,Antoine,Rotor,&,Bunnie all rushed over to a wounded :"NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!"Tails fell down on the ground,&, moved a ,Rotor,Antoine,Sally,&,Bunnie had gulped quietly and looked angry at :"I have just killed the baby of your 'Freedom Fighters team'.HHHHHAAAAAA!"Sonic:"ENOUGH!You lack conviction, 's in your know."Antoine stabs Scourge through his heart(Scougre's).Sally:"TAILS!Tails, ,please wake . !"Rotor,Antonie,Bunnie,&,Sonic also Sally all had tears falling down their says her goodbye speech to her nephew,Tails the :"Rotor treated you like a brother and a told you some jokes and taught you how to fight hand to treated you like a little brother and a friend.I treated you like a nephew and a Bunnie also treated you like a nephew and a now,good bye my sweet little nephew.I love you,Tails honey."Miles Prower/Tails the fox a mechanic,a freedom fighter,a friend,a little brother(to Sonic),&,a nephew(to Bunnie Rabbot,&,Sally Acorn)is now by Scourge the bye Tails.
3/20/2014 c1 4D 65 6F 77
This was written by a potato
12/21/2013 c1 13Velvet D'Coolette
This was an interesting story that framed an intriguing concept! I like the way you slowed down the narration as Tails is stabbed. Your pacing is certainly quickfire until that point and then you slow things down, which works well, I think.

You have two main scenes here, one with the fight and the other with the tender moments when Tails is injured. They each feel very different.

I'd just like to suggest a few things to make the story feel a bit smoother for readers. Firstly, you may wish to consider breaking it up into paragraphs. Personally I found I had to highlight the story as I read it so that I didn't lose track of which line I was reading. Remember: A paragraph needs to be about a particular subject so when you're moving on in the story, start a new paragraph. A paragraph ideally needs around 3 sentences in. Speech usually needs to start on a new paragraph.

Secondly, it can also help a great deal if you use quotation marks so that a reader can tell when the characters are talking and when they are not. It helps the reader stay in the story rather than having to pull out of the world and situation you've created to figure out when the speech ends and the next action begins.

Thirdly, from one writer to another, there's nothing quite like reading your own story back to yourself a few days or weeks after you've written it. You can see the bits you need to alter (for example, I suspect you may want to amend this part: "Sonic and tails both shouts called out" so that you can choose whether they shout or call out).

Other than that, good work!
11/1/2013 c1 2Moe43
Try spacing out the paragraphs, and using quotations when someone speaks. Maybe some comas and periods as well, but overall. The plot is good!

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