for Devil Ninja1/21 c18 Leongreen14
Im ngl these mfs dragging it, yes naruto shouodve let rias know but thats it, thats the one valid reason the have
Im ngl these mfs dragging it, yes naruto shouodve let rias know but thats it, thats the one valid reason the have
1/7 c18 
1Aelan-the-Guide
It isn't like it matters overmuch given how long ago this fanfiction was updated, and how much longer still this chapter was posted (and this arc in general), but the current 'drama' with Naruto and co is more than a little tedious in my opinion.
I'll start by saying that, as an individual, I am not a fan of "separation arcs", particularly when the MC is 'forced' to leave, either by blackmail, kidnapping, imprisonment or capture, etc. So I will refrain from making comments in regards to that, as while the idea in general isn't inherently bad, I, personally, do not like them.
That said, this current 'drama' makes absolutely no sense to me and seems to be included solely for the sake of causing drama. To begin with, so far as everyone in the Peerage knew, Naruto had been 'kidnapped' They don't (at the time of the capture) know his full power, they don't know the strength of the opposition he faced, and they don't even really know the purpose of his kidnapping. All they know is that, when Asia was captured by Bikou, Naruto agreed to go with them to save her. That's it.
So the general drama and angst that everyone suddenly has with Naruto for "leaving" makes zero sense. So far as they knew, he was kidnapped. Who gets upset with a kidnapping victim for being kidnapped? All in all, this drama appears to be added for the sake of adding drama, which cheapens the whole experience.
Now, perhaps you've addressed this in a future chapter, or maybe even explained in an author's note, but at this point in time, I won't be seeing it. Your writing, as a whole, is good, your characters are wonderfully fleshed out and their personalities are all unique and memorable, staying true to their canon counterparts while also being expanded in other ways in a nicely done fashion. However, I'll be dropping this story here, solely because little annoyances keep building up and I just feel no desire to continue reading. Perhaps my opinion will change later and I'll revisit it, but for now, that'll be it.
I would like to reiterate that while I don't think this story in particular is for me (a pity honestly, given how far in I am and how much farther I had to go), you are still a solid writer with a great deal of talent and skill. I might give one of your other stories a try and see how they compare. Well, that's if you still pay attention to your fanfiction account and notifications, given your status as a published author and, again, how long it has been since any of your stories were updated.
-Aelan
1Aelan-the-GuideIt isn't like it matters overmuch given how long ago this fanfiction was updated, and how much longer still this chapter was posted (and this arc in general), but the current 'drama' with Naruto and co is more than a little tedious in my opinion.
I'll start by saying that, as an individual, I am not a fan of "separation arcs", particularly when the MC is 'forced' to leave, either by blackmail, kidnapping, imprisonment or capture, etc. So I will refrain from making comments in regards to that, as while the idea in general isn't inherently bad, I, personally, do not like them.
That said, this current 'drama' makes absolutely no sense to me and seems to be included solely for the sake of causing drama. To begin with, so far as everyone in the Peerage knew, Naruto had been 'kidnapped' They don't (at the time of the capture) know his full power, they don't know the strength of the opposition he faced, and they don't even really know the purpose of his kidnapping. All they know is that, when Asia was captured by Bikou, Naruto agreed to go with them to save her. That's it.
So the general drama and angst that everyone suddenly has with Naruto for "leaving" makes zero sense. So far as they knew, he was kidnapped. Who gets upset with a kidnapping victim for being kidnapped? All in all, this drama appears to be added for the sake of adding drama, which cheapens the whole experience.
Now, perhaps you've addressed this in a future chapter, or maybe even explained in an author's note, but at this point in time, I won't be seeing it. Your writing, as a whole, is good, your characters are wonderfully fleshed out and their personalities are all unique and memorable, staying true to their canon counterparts while also being expanded in other ways in a nicely done fashion. However, I'll be dropping this story here, solely because little annoyances keep building up and I just feel no desire to continue reading. Perhaps my opinion will change later and I'll revisit it, but for now, that'll be it.
I would like to reiterate that while I don't think this story in particular is for me (a pity honestly, given how far in I am and how much farther I had to go), you are still a solid writer with a great deal of talent and skill. I might give one of your other stories a try and see how they compare. Well, that's if you still pay attention to your fanfiction account and notifications, given your status as a published author and, again, how long it has been since any of your stories were updated.
-Aelan
12/25/2024 c11 Appolyon
Oh yeah, massively overblowing your oc by claiming instant fixing of broken bones is only a remnant of a healing factor
Oh yeah, massively overblowing your oc by claiming instant fixing of broken bones is only a remnant of a healing factor
12/25/2024 c12 Appolyon
Okay, immediately had a massive nerfing of Ruler to protect your character with a reasoning that wouldn't work against the sword that can control anything so would also work on the senjutsu trying to do that, let alone that Arthur should *eye roll* . . . But it's not like DxD is super on point with scaling, or that such a loss of reflexes or bs isn't a semi-common occurence in anime, so probably cant say too much on it
Okay, immediately had a massive nerfing of Ruler to protect your character with a reasoning that wouldn't work against the sword that can control anything so would also work on the senjutsu trying to do that, let alone that Arthur should *eye roll* . . . But it's not like DxD is super on point with scaling, or that such a loss of reflexes or bs isn't a semi-common occurence in anime, so probably cant say too much on it
12/25/2024 c11 Appolyon
This chapter felt better. It felt more like a Naruto-type rather then a Naruto-textured oc
This chapter felt better. It felt more like a Naruto-type rather then a Naruto-textured oc
12/25/2024 c11 Appolyon
Oh, that's a nice bit of consideration. With how you were talking earlier, I wasn't expecting you to aknowledge the differences between Naruto and DxD senjutsu. Wondering if your oc will learn Koneko/DxD's type as he's teaching her
Oh, that's a nice bit of consideration. With how you were talking earlier, I wasn't expecting you to aknowledge the differences between Naruto and DxD senjutsu. Wondering if your oc will learn Koneko/DxD's type as he's teaching her
12/25/2024 c10 Appolyon
So, were you writing this as you read DxD the 1st time or something? Here you have Sirzechs claiming they know of no other worlds then 3, despite the abundance of worlds other factions reside in.
Uuuuuh, that's not how evil pieces work. Even in a fanon, that's a serious stretch, as it's the game rules that a team loses when the king goes down, so for this to work, Ajuka/Sirzechs/someone with them would have to look at Naruto's specific piece and declare that only for him does he count as a king for losing
So, were you writing this as you read DxD the 1st time or something? Here you have Sirzechs claiming they know of no other worlds then 3, despite the abundance of worlds other factions reside in.
Uuuuuh, that's not how evil pieces work. Even in a fanon, that's a serious stretch, as it's the game rules that a team loses when the king goes down, so for this to work, Ajuka/Sirzechs/someone with them would have to look at Naruto's specific piece and declare that only for him does he count as a king for losing
12/24/2024 c9 Appolyon
Okay, there was certainly things to enjoy with that, specifically those portions when you weren't trying to force the pretense of this being naruto and have your oc actually enjoying their own personality. Those were far sweeter
Okay, there was certainly things to enjoy with that, specifically those portions when you weren't trying to force the pretense of this being naruto and have your oc actually enjoying their own personality. Those were far sweeter
12/24/2024 c9 Appolyon
"the way he'd introduced his peerage, the way he'd made out with Yubeluna in front of the woman he was supposed to marry for no other reason than to make Issei jealous"
You do recall that you cut that bit out of your story, right? They jumped to the challenge without any input from Issei to set that off.
So, your oc continuing to make up and use distinctly non-Naruto behavior. Why bother using Naruto if you won't make him naruto
"the way he'd introduced his peerage, the way he'd made out with Yubeluna in front of the woman he was supposed to marry for no other reason than to make Issei jealous"
You do recall that you cut that bit out of your story, right? They jumped to the challenge without any input from Issei to set that off.
So, your oc continuing to make up and use distinctly non-Naruto behavior. Why bother using Naruto if you won't make him naruto
11/18/2024 c42 brutusjr
Yami "LAME"
Exceedingly so...
Yami "LAME"
Exceedingly so...
11/16/2024 c8 Guest
Okay, mixes of good and bad. The improvements on Issei's part were nice to see. I was going to complain that you somehow made Issei even more of a perverted idiot then canon, but then you had it be something your Naruto-textured OC provoked, so that was actually kinda nice.
Curious how you'll completely do away the "double your strength in a week" power boosting training & "I can shut down any power" brokenness, or if you even have any intention too
Okay, mixes of good and bad. The improvements on Issei's part were nice to see. I was going to complain that you somehow made Issei even more of a perverted idiot then canon, but then you had it be something your Naruto-textured OC provoked, so that was actually kinda nice.
Curious how you'll completely do away the "double your strength in a week" power boosting training & "I can shut down any power" brokenness, or if you even have any intention too
11/16/2024 c7 Appolyon
Oh yes, I should also point out that Asia also survived the Dimensional Gap just fine, so also give her her own badass arc based on that
Oh yes, I should also point out that Asia also survived the Dimensional Gap just fine, so also give her her own badass arc based on that
11/16/2024 c7 Appolyon
First, screw you for doing Issei dirty like that with the fainting. I'm not gonna say it's terrible to dislike him, but I expected better of your writing then to add on worse and worse then the actual reasons you claim you do.
*same complaint with Riser.
There's also how sealing is designed to work on & all his experience would be against chakra abilities, and your Naruto-textured OC would also work out how to change that to work on sealing a demonic power one, but I doubt that will bother him because plot
First, screw you for doing Issei dirty like that with the fainting. I'm not gonna say it's terrible to dislike him, but I expected better of your writing then to add on worse and worse then the actual reasons you claim you do.
*same complaint with Riser.
There's also how sealing is designed to work on & all his experience would be against chakra abilities, and your Naruto-textured OC would also work out how to change that to work on sealing a demonic power one, but I doubt that will bother him because plot
11/16/2024 c5 Appolyon
Ok, so you massively raised the potency of holy power, with holy water High Classes laugh at being a threat to them.
Given how much you've changed him, making him such a dick he finds it funny to mess with someone going through an existential crisis or here giving breath to such options, is there an actual reason you sued Naruto for your OC rather then just openly making an OC?
Ok, so you massively raised the potency of holy power, with holy water High Classes laugh at being a threat to them.
Given how much you've changed him, making him such a dick he finds it funny to mess with someone going through an existential crisis or here giving breath to such options, is there an actual reason you sued Naruto for your OC rather then just openly making an OC?
11/15/2024 c5 Appolyon
Opening with a blatant lie, since that ache is from small damage and strain from hard work, interesting choice.
Opening with a blatant lie, since that ache is from small damage and strain from hard work, interesting choice.