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8/26/2016 c2 Moniurek
Good job. I really like it
4/10/2014 c2 30ancientmaverick
I enjoyed this very much, as I enjoy all of your offerings! One quibble, though. Women are not eligible to be Navy SEALs just yet. Otherwise, well done!
3/2/2014 c2 2Boxfin
Really liked it )
11/12/2013 c2 31lily moonlight
A very satisfying conclusion! I did wonder about Patreides in the first chapter, so it was nice to be proved right, although it wasn't the explanation I expected. I had to giggle at the comment about Flack's hair and leather jacket - so true! Short hair and no leather jacket suits him much better :P And I loved Mac sneaking up, and failing to on Stella :D Perfect scene and dialogue, and non-dialogue between them also :D I also really like how enthusiastic Danny is and his impressions of everyone, it gives a new angle to the familiar :)
11/12/2013 c1 lily moonlight
Hi again :) I'm typing carefully, as the Princess is trying her best to sleep on the keyboard :P I like the first part of this, and Danny is a likeable character with his bit of uncertainty, but also defiance. Also loved the parts with Mac and Stella, and Flack :D I'm very intrigued by the guard's confession, so I'll read on!
11/6/2013 c2 39Mahala
LOL! You deserve a very handsome reward ma'am. Nicely done, very nicely done! I loved the case and the whole setup in Empire: The Store! Your OC's were brilliant and I think you caught the Season 1 personas just perfectly as well as the atmosphere of the lab back then. Great little story. Pity it's already at an end!

As for the little side-challenge - you win, hands down! :-D (Mahala executes a flamboyant bow!)
10/27/2013 c2 21GeorgeAndrews
Mabel Augusta was fabulous! I'm glad you included her and set things from her perspective as well as the team. You captured the relationship between danny and stella perfectly like a super bossy older sister. And Hawkes' scene made me chuckle. I liked him better when he was an m.e. tbh. Though I can't lie, my favourite bit (and i awlays try so hard to refrain from saying/thinking this) was all of the Flack bits. I can't pick one out just all the times he was there or mentioned, i loved them all!
10/27/2013 c2 9hap.e.daze
One thing that I loved about this story is the way you managed to capture multiple perspectives with short glimpses. You also included just the right amount of detail to describe, develop and solve a case without dragging it out. The pacing was wonderful and such a challenge that is. Nice job with this story. I think the setting - preseason 1 - is genius. I'm tempted to try something too!
10/26/2013 c2 32NYwLove
I loved how you set this back in the day and all your details were so rich and spot on, they really added so much to the story. Your case was well thought out and I felt like it could actually have been an episode of the show! Mabel Augusta was such a card, you certainly have a knack for creating fun, crafted characters! So glad you did this challenge and oh you and Mahala!
10/26/2013 c2 33Kates89
I loved this, I loved the mention of Flack's pout and I liked how Stella told Danny it was about quality not quantity, especially as Stella had a similar talk with Lindsay in season 2 :)
My favourite bit though was Danny and Flack in interrogation, it was just perfect :)
10/26/2013 c1 Kates89
This was brilliant. I tried to read it the other day but was way to tired, so I'm glad I waited till I was more awake to read it. You've got each character spot on. I'm now off to read part 2 :)
10/23/2013 c1 15CAT217
Very enjoyable start. Like the nervous Messer he's adorable. I got choked up when you mentioned 9/11. As always looking foward to more. :)
10/22/2013 c1 21GeorgeAndrews
absoluetly loved this from assertive danny shall we say, eager to please, Mac's first words in it being how danny has potential, oh how he is proven correct stella being the one to doubt, I can totally believe that and obviously love that indelible ref too. ALso loved how it read very much like an episode. Great pace.
10/22/2013 c1 9hap.e.daze
So fun ... What a cool story. We NEVER get the very beginning, and I am so glad you decided to show us it. Mabel is a great minor character. I think that was a super way to capture us readers at the beginning. Danny's nerves and anxiety - truly something that I think is never really addressed. He's smart but a bit twitchy and you've definitely captured that subtle side of him. Stella / Mac - strong professional relationship. Obviously, she's the only one who can question him, and I like that she does. I really like how you've made Mac quite a serious character yet he finds humor in so much - feeling a bit guilty about pairing Danny with Stella for the first day, relishing informing him about his first case being at the Empire State... To me, that's very true to his character and hard to capture. Nice job! Looking forward to Part Two!
10/22/2013 c1 39Mahala
First of all, I loved Mabel Augusta the modern day gorgon! Don't get me wrong, I adored the other OCs too (esp the concrete references) but Mabel Augusta's a star. Everything from her humming and puffing to her dismay at finding the 'nasty' DB to her breakdown between the crystal glassware and 3D jigsaws which was just perfectly described! I loved her summing up of Flack, Stella and Danny too. Now to the hero of the story: I think you have Danny spot on. You've captured his S1 persona very well, his nervousness, his observations of the other characters (is OCME guy Sheldon I wonder?) and the puppy references. I also liked the reference to the Indelible scene. Great first part. Looking forward to part two. Hope u post it before I leave. (Half-term Duty visits!)
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