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3/20/2014 c4 VSX-2018
Well, that's not bad.

A good backstory for Blacklight, kinda reminds me of the organization ONI from Halo. I think that the project that Blacklight was participate in is a super secret one, not wanting the outsiders, even the governments to find out.

I hope that many voters won't pick a vote to kill Minna. If they did, then this story will stink and I won't read it.

I wonder if the leader of the New World Order will figure out that Blacklight may still be alive, because he or she thinks that Blacklight cannot be killed that easily.
3/19/2014 c4 5BbK2442
At this point, Blacklight has 4 options:
A. Try to talk her down.
B. Run/fly away.
C. Take her down nonlethally.
D. Kill her.
Personally, I hope he chooses A, B, or C. I rather like Minna even if she does stupid things sometimes.
3/19/2014 c4 15Corporal Tommy
*Suspense Music* This might not go well
3/19/2014 c4 2Warmach1ne32
I agree on your "Spartan" pilot program but 1 car is 1 or 2 tons at most so a 12 year old albeit super pilot can lift 100 sedans? not likely maybe a ton at most and 'projected strength when he is older is maybe 5 tons at 20 years old' sounds fair. Have you seen 5 story buildings? remember he is 12 years old. While it is cool, the reader saying "What, come on no way that could happen!" would kill interest like BL killing those Migs. And yes I have seen RWBY and it isn't good, it's awesome.

Finally Desert Eagle is only used by show offs in the military since it was as big as an Ipad so it's cumbersome in tight places and the amount of recoil throws accuracy right out the window, also the 6-ish/more or less round clip doesn't help with staying in the fight as most pistols have 9 or 12 round clips, it isn't even used in service. I recommend the Heckler and Koch 45 due to having a 10 round clip while still having a relatively big bullet, and the other features I found in Wikipedia which makes it comfortable to use in half a year of practice. i would love a fight scene, of BL dodge bullets 'Matrix' style then run into the trees, then fire warning shots before talking while trading fire before everyone from base is heard and both of them agreed to a truce or something like that before a Neuroi crash in and BL shows his skill in a dogfight. I hope this helps Good luck :)
3/19/2014 c4 2LightSpecter141
You know what, I've tolerated Minna's policy because it does make a certain amount of sense. But not anymore, when you decide to kill someone in pretty much cold blood because you think it will protect your subordinates then you have crossed the line. I hope Minna pays for this because NO ONE threatens such a badass main character and gets away with it. Hope that happens in the next chapter.
3/17/2014 c3 1Gamerman22
When it'll be update? Dude, take it easy on that game. x-com
3/16/2014 c3 16VentXekart-MIGRATED TO AO3
Positive:
-The terrorist group being called 'new world order' made me smile because I actually started reading this after playing a bit of Deus Ex.
-A few details about the F-22 that were fairly accurate.
-The grammar of this story is in relatively good shape.
-I haven't seen a lot of spelling errors in this story.
Negative:
-I doubt that someone that young of an age could be an ace pilot.
-There are a few grammatical and spelling errors in this story that need to be fixed.
-The OC of this story is close to being a Gary Stu.
Neutral:
-Making the OC twelve-years of age is a bit of an unusual choice unless you are doing so to avoid OCx(Strike Witches Character) pairings.
My suggestions:
-Try adding a backstory about how blacklight became an ace pilot, that will reduce the chance of your OC becoming a total Gary Stu.
-You need to explain why Casey Yeager-Sakamoto became blacklight's commander and how she ended up as one in the first place.
-Try to steer clear of OCx(Strike Witches Character) pairings as much as possible.

I'd happy to give you more advice on how to improve this story if you want. Just send me a PM if you would like some advice and I'll send out a response as soon as possible.
3/14/2014 c3 8lolperson2
this better have yoshikaxlynnete in it
3/8/2014 c3 1JJSlay
This is great. Good spelling, good grammar, nice length, if only a bit short. heh next chapter you should make him realize they are all based on WW2 pilots from his world heh.
3/8/2014 c1 3Deadman'sHand92x45
ok soooo I'm going to keep this really brief. This story is not good... not good at all. First on a sheer mechanics level its not well written. The dogfight seemed to seriously lack detail it was like I was reading the audio log of a blackbox from them there was next to no description of the actually dogfight. Secondly the MC Blacklight WTF is he a 12yr old in the American military!? I hate to break it to you but america doesn't use child soldiers and even if we did why the hell would we give him the most advance military aircraft in our arsenal to fly. Oh but of course he is the world's best pilot who just has godly skills I guess all of those days of playing something like HAWX really prepared him to be the most amazing super ace ever. Then h goes to the witches world and instantly gets magical powers that make him even better than any of the witches... bullshit this is called strike witches not gary stu power hour... let's see then their is Mio who is acting like a weak fool which is tottally out of character for her. Lastly there is yoshika who is starting to have "feelings for him" yeah how does that work you do realize that she likes girls with big tits right? I mean hell other than that one guy in the first season she hasn't shown any remote intrest in men (and certainly not preteen boys yeah hate to break it to you but on a maturity level there is a big difference between a 12yr old and a 14yr old) hell the only person she shows romantic attraction to is Lynne hell she is staring at her tits most of the time if you pay attention to where her eyes are looking when those two are together. I know this is rather short but to be honest I only skimmed through this story after the frst chapter I am sure I could find even more bullshit stuff in this story if I looked harder but frankly I can't be bothered with it I have shit I have to do. The only reason I a writin this review is I was asked by one of your readers to. My personal advice take this story down and delete it from your compture frankly there is no saving this one. One writer to another don't be discouraged from writing in my personal experiences with fellow writers myself included people's first stories tend to suck and the second story you write will also be pretty bad but by the third story you write you will make some good progress. Just remember when writing fanfic ask yourself how would this story make sense in the verse and never come from an angle of "trying to improve" something because you will just end up failing misreably. Case in points jackasses who think they are making strike witches better by adding male OCs but they always turn out to be gary stus that have a reality warping auroa that forces the witches to act out of character thus making Strike Witches worse not better.

Cheers
Blaze92x45
3/8/2014 c3 2Warmach1ne32
Great chapter, looking forward for the practice flight, and Shirley's reaction to him hitting mach 1. Very interested in Black Light's magic power, might I suggest invisibility. I know it might be unfair, but as a certain spokesman to the F-22 says "War is not meant to be fair,". With this BL don't need to learn shields and with his speed and maneuverability with vector thrusting will make BL the fastest, deadliest, and invisible Neuroi Reaper. Also United States of Liberion is the official name in SW's world (said so by Shirley in her introduction), so United States Air Force will be mistaken for Liberion Air Force unless there is America in US of America. I recommend with a video named "Aer Vis" in youtube as a possible theme song for BL or at least a favorite. There is a Marine Corp, Navy, and Army (original) version. Keep on writing and don't let the tyrannical rule of the public educational system bury your imagination. Over and Out ;-)
3/8/2014 c3 15Corporal Tommy
Something is definitely going down
1/28/2014 c2 Corporal Tommy
Do finish this chapter
11/29/2013 c1 2Warmach1ne32
Can you PM me to let me know what you think about my idea and I might continue to give feedback if you let me? Please and Thank You :)
11/29/2013 c2 Warmach1ne32
First things first, Nice ideas, of solving the ammunition problem of having a future jet that relies on radar-homing missiles and able to fit a vulcan gatling cannon using magic. While conventionally other authors just put the whole jet there or have the jet strikers developed there then crossing and not turn it into a striker when crossing over. I have a few corrections for the story to be a bit more accurate, 1st the vulcan is the big brother of the minigun which fire the 7.62 while the vulcan fires 20 mm or 2 cm diameter (the lenght of the circle not the length of the entire round which is 102 mm or 10 cm long) and the vulcan M61A1 fire rounds at 6000 rounds/minute or 100 rounds /second while the M61A2 fires an extra 60 round/second faster. Watch a youtube clip on a minigun in real life and its different from the bom-bom-bom of regular automatic weapons and sounds like a roar. Also the helmet is also a Heads-Up-Display (HUD, sound familiar?) so it shows what your speed, altitude, and bla-bla-bla. While 12 years old is a stretch pilots have to handle high G-Forces (not the gerbil A-Team) which could put grown men into states called G-LOC (Gravity induced Lost Of Consciousness) or you black out as blood is pulled into the legs in high G maneuvers and only a special way of breathing and a special G-suit that inflates to squeeze the legs to prevent to much blood pulling there are the things keeping pilots to blackout. So since its 2015 in your story I think a remote controlled F-22 would be more believable than a 12 year old flying a Raptor which no caring mother would allow, but where's the fun in that. Also if you are a fan of the F-22 you should know that it have radar absorbing materials and a very small cross-section if seen in the front the jet looks very thin so it would register on radar as a fly , it can also go super-sonic without using afterburner but Blacklight could pump magic straight into his exhaust to go even faster but it could get him very tired fast, and lastly the reason F-22s can dance in the sky is because of thrust-vectoring or moving the nozzle of the exhaust like a rudder. If you already know this you are a fellow F-22 fan and maybe Black and Yeager could have a race. Anyways keep up the good work and I think Blacklight could maybe use martial-arts training like MC-MAP (Marine Corp- Martial Arts Practice) which is official, simple and deadly. :)
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