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1/22/2015 c1 Reader
The general plot and themes are alright and you have a nice way of expressing setting, but... The dialog is rough. People don't usually go off on rants about their personal lives and their back-stories (or if they do, then everyone knows it, but those people are rare and far between), nor do they willingly accept anything and everything that other characters say (since no life is conflict free and at the very least there is some form of disbelief or concern within the characters). I guess my issue is mostly in the emotions expressed by the characters, as they are either stale ("hm, oh, you want to taunt a bear during its hibernation? Okay then." And so they left...) or they are expressive in the wrong areas (or not enough)
... "so, what did you have for lunch?" Hearing this I turned, "Lunch? Oh, I was thinking about my death. Didn't really eat." I said with a smile. I saw Jamie get concerned when he heard that I had died... [there are many things wrong with that, and it's what I see when I read this].
Upon evaluation, it seems that the other characters have emotions and know how to use them, but Jack and Jamie's mom don't seem to understand what they or others are saying and are just acting as a reaction to others actions...
6/26/2014 c9 Super-Dash
Please please please please please please please please! continue! im hanging here!..
but really, this is a awesome story. continue some time soon please!
6/20/2014 c9 1l3eautifulNightFury
Update soon!
1/14/2014 c9 2koa-lover-random
please write more this is sooo good
11/10/2013 c1 5SkatingWithDragons
11/10/2013 c2 SkatingWithDragons
11/10/2013 c3 SkatingWithDragons
I will spam you with reviews
11/10/2013 c4 SkatingWithDragons
Love your story! :)
10/30/2013 c3 Intalasia

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