for Naruto the Great7/4/2014 c2 
12Macdutton
Well then. A LOT of exposition, but I suppose you need to set the scene. On your writing, it's great aside from a couple of typos, such as Namekaze, which should be *Namikaze as far as I know. As it stands, I'm not a fan of the scene break though, just personal taste. Great start to a story though.
12MacduttonWell then. A LOT of exposition, but I suppose you need to set the scene. On your writing, it's great aside from a couple of typos, such as Namekaze, which should be *Namikaze as far as I know. As it stands, I'm not a fan of the scene break though, just personal taste. Great start to a story though.
6/11/2014 c1 yuzukikuran476
please let the pairs be Naruto and Hinata and i thought kyuubi is a boy ? and please update soon :)
please let the pairs be Naruto and Hinata and i thought kyuubi is a boy ? and please update soon :)
5/17/2014 c2 firelordeg
this is a great story I don't know why you haven't continued it in 5 month but I hope you will when life allows as for the line brakes chapter ones are better any ways thanks for sharing
this is a great story I don't know why you haven't continued it in 5 month but I hope you will when life allows as for the line brakes chapter ones are better any ways thanks for sharing
2/24/2014 c2 3Culebra del Sol
This story was very interesting to read at first when you brought in multidimensional beings at the start. When I saw your author's note at the end explaining your logic, it earned a definite follow/favorite.
I look forward to seeing more.
3Culebra del SolThis story was very interesting to read at first when you brought in multidimensional beings at the start. When I saw your author's note at the end explaining your logic, it earned a definite follow/favorite.
I look forward to seeing more.
12/23/2013 c2 Aelfswythe
This chapter is a HUGE improvement over chapter 1! I loved the opening, the descriptions are great, and the transitions are much smoother. I could have done without the nude blonde and the cussing - not necessary at all in my humble opinion.
However, I can see the improvement in the writing overall. Good work!
This chapter is a HUGE improvement over chapter 1! I loved the opening, the descriptions are great, and the transitions are much smoother. I could have done without the nude blonde and the cussing - not necessary at all in my humble opinion.
However, I can see the improvement in the writing overall. Good work!
12/23/2013 c1 Aelfswythe
This is your big sister by the way... :-)
You've got some interesting story lines going here. I liked the scene from the other world. I think you did a good job with the kid's speech. Writing how people literally speak is not an easy thing. The transitions between the different scenes are a little choppy and short. I think if you combined some of them and made less transitions it would go more smoothly. I don't know much about this genre, but keep up the writing! You're doing a great job! 3
This is your big sister by the way... :-)
You've got some interesting story lines going here. I liked the scene from the other world. I think you did a good job with the kid's speech. Writing how people literally speak is not an easy thing. The transitions between the different scenes are a little choppy and short. I think if you combined some of them and made less transitions it would go more smoothly. I don't know much about this genre, but keep up the writing! You're doing a great job! 3
10/30/2013 c1 ThunderClaw03
great job keep it up. with the power he just received he maybe but in the cra update soon
great job keep it up. with the power he just received he maybe but in the cra update soon
10/30/2013 c1 54brown phantom
You did a good job of establishing mystery here. And that's what I like for this challenge. Wouldn't be much of a hidden bloodline if everything was established too soon. Looking forward to what happens later on, and go at your own pace in updating. It's not like any of us are being paid to do this.
54brown phantomYou did a good job of establishing mystery here. And that's what I like for this challenge. Wouldn't be much of a hidden bloodline if everything was established too soon. Looking forward to what happens later on, and go at your own pace in updating. It's not like any of us are being paid to do this.