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5/17/2016 c1 Guest
Hear hear! Well said mate.
2/22/2016 c4 2Author of Ice and Fire
Sorry for the late review! School's been nuts, and also I think you've broken the record for longest train rides chapter ever posted in a SYOT :) Not a bad thing at all, just took me a little while to find the time to finish. But I'm here now!

So, Emmett. He's a cool dude. I must say, I'm not usually a fan of the strong, silent types - not that I dislike them, they just don't usually hook me as characters. I like that Emmett is playing at being the monster though, that definitely adds a lot to him. His relationship with his dad is sweet too!
10/24/2015 c1 Radio Free Death
["Perfect," she assures.]

Dialogue tags weaken the narrative. It's better to use 'said' in most cases, especially here when the dialogue already tells the reader that she's assuring him. You don't need to state this twice.

[I scowl, "Am I really?"]

If there isn't a speech verb, then it's considered the start of a new sentence, so there should be a period rather than a comma before the quotes.

[I took great care this morning choosing my tie, because my father once told me the color of a man's tie tells people what kind of man you really are. If you choose a tie too dark, you'll be perceived as boring and mediocre and everybody will lose interest. But if it's too light or too patterned, people will assume you're trying too hard to please. I never understood why it mattered until now.]

Did his dad get that right? The studies I found on this subject talk about color ties, specifically reds and blues and their psychological effect on others. Not necessarily shades. Or you could just pick a tie that actually compliments what you're wearing.

["Settle down, Leon. Wait until afta' the speech, mkay? Then you's can hug me all ya' want." Oh that just sounds delightful. Now I'll have to find some way to avoid her after I get back in.]

This feels totally at odds with how he was with her before, in which he relied on her for emotional support. Now he wants to avoid her?

[It requires great effort not to roll my eyes. Something about these "stylist" people always irked me. My father used to encourage me to date a Capitol woman in the entertainment industry because that way I'd get some more publicity. I always assumed the old man was joking. I couldn't always tell. Before he passed I was something of an enigma because I was so rarely seen outside the mansion walls. It wasn't that I was advised never to show my face, it was more like I just hated being seen in public. I imagine my emergence as the nation's leader will be a shock, not so much because he died, but more because people may have forgotten I even existed.]

First, there shouldn't be any great effort not to roll his eyes considering he's not a teenager. He would most likely avoid sighing impatiently.

Second, he's the son of a dictator, it'd be hard for him not to be known. He wouldn't be forgotten. Most likely the media would just accept him as a recluse and jump at every opportunity whenever Leon was forced to show his face.

Well, this was refreshing. It really is nice to see an insecure president who's trying to fit into his daddy's shoes. I think his way of being affable and open by showing he's human and deliberately setting up his clumsy tie act is a nice touch...but remember that dictators couldn't really afford to seem human in the sense that we are. If he's not careful, Leon might find himself in the crosshairs of ambitious political leaders.
9/8/2015 c3 Author of Ice and Fire
*stumbles in a month late*

Gah, I'm so, so sorry I didn't review this earlier. I vaguely remember reading it when you first posted it, but stuff got in the way, and if I can't review immediately, odds are I'll totally forget and it'll just never happen. But then I remembered this wonderful story, so now I'm here! This might be shorter than usual, sorry, but I just wanted to let you know I'm still reading and loving this story!

Your characters though, man. They're such . . . characters. Sorry, my brain's not functioning well enough to fully explain it, but you just write everyone so well, and it's amazing. Like, within reading one paragraph from the POV character, I felt like I knew everything about her. You convey backstory and personality so, so well, and so subtly too, letting readers figure out what happened rather than explicitly stately it, which is AWESOME.

And what a character to start us off with. I don't think I can truly say I like Rebecca/Iris, but I am definitely interested in where she goes from here. I've got a feeling she's going to be a force to be reckoned with in the arena. But yeesh, that stuff with her uncle though... *shudders*. Maybe the Capitol can get her a nice therapist during the week before, but I dunno, she seems so deluded and far gone that at this point, I think anyone trying to help her would only make her snap. I definitely would not want to be within a mile of her once the Games start.

Shorter review, I know, but I loved this chapter just as much as all the others! Eagerly awaiting more!
8/6/2015 c3 14Josephm611
Oh man, Rebecca.. I hate you. You are a spoiled, manipulative brat, and I hope you die. As for Flint, I like that guy. He's decent enough to stay away from her, and he seems like a really cool person.
4/6/2015 c2 Guest
I found your story tonight and enjoyed it immensely thus far. I'm not logged in on the phone but my user id is pendragonsquest. Please do continue the story as you can.
4/6/2015 c2 1Pendragosnquest
Back on the PC and logged in; again, I wanted to say excellent story thus far, and I look forward to updates!
4/5/2015 c2 2Author of Ice and Fire
"Whew" is right! You've got some amazing dedication writing such long chapters. And obviously some incredible writing talent, 'cause I sat through that entire thing and wasn't bored once.

Anyways, before I get into a more detailed review, I just wanted to say I'm so glad you're continuing this! When I found it, I loved it, though I tried not to get too attached since it hadn't been updated in two years. But then I was scanning the HG section for nothing in particular and spotted this familiar title, and I was ecstatic when I realised there was now a chapter 2. Hurray!

And man, what a chapter it was. Couple of questions before I move onto my opinions of the tributes and such, but will this follow a semi-SYOT-esque format? I know these are all you're own characters, but I'm wondering how much of an impact they and the Games will have on this story. Are you mostly going to focus on Lockhart, or will we be seeing some tribute POVs as well?

Also before I talk about the tributes, I love that, despite the mature, serious tone of your story, you manage to toss in all these little lines that make me giggle. I think my favourite in this chapter was Lockhart's "Why couldn't he have died later?" when speaking of his father. Yeah, Dad, jeez. Way to inconvenience everyone with your stupid death :)

Anyways, the tributes! Assuming they will play a more important role in the story, I figure I ought to do a little opinion blurb on each of them, like most people do for SYOTs. So, here we go!

First off, I love the crazy escort from District 1. She's such a great contrast from serious, no-nonsense Aurora, who in turn is a huge contrast from Emilio. As for the tributes themselves, 1 seems like a tough competitor this year. I have no idea why, but Aurora is really reminding me of Erza Scarlet, for whatever reason (if you know Fairy Tail). As for Emilio, he earned a special place in my heart after he started giving those shout-outs to his homies. One line, and I already feel like I know everything I need to about his personality.

District 2 is quite different from the norm. I love how, on the one hand, you've got tiny, angry Leah, and on the other you have big, gentle Emmett. Hehe, they kind of remind me of Rocket and Groot (okay, I really have to stop comparing these tributes to other characters). Anywho, they both seem cool, and like some pretty tough competition as well!

Didn't get too much from the District 3 girl, but I love that Trey was chewing gum during his intro. You have an amazing talent of conveying a character's personality in their actions and dialogue - I don't even need a POV from most of these guys to understand what they're all about. It's a great talent to have in writing, and I'm super envious because you do it so, so well.

Now, District 4 is where it gets REAL interesting. Twins that volunteered for the same year? And I'm getting a really creepy vibe from them too. Like, icky creepy. Icky, Bates Motel, Game of Thrones Lannister Twins creepy. I can't say why, but ugh, these guys make me shudder. I'm kind of scared to find out what's up with them. A fire burned down their foster parents' home - yeah, I wonder who started that. I have a feeling one, if not both are at least slightly psychotic, and that's probably not the worst of it.

The fun doesn't stop at District 5. I love Willow's casual way of volunteering, though I must admit I was a bit confused at first - I thought she was being sarcastic when she said she wasn't Isabel. Zachary on the other hand . . . oh man. I don't even know what to think of him. Honestly, my first thought was "Crap, a vampire!" Seriously weird dude.

And the weirdness doesn't stop at 6. Seriously, what's up with Dahlia's hair? It's creeping me out. She reminds me of one of those kids in a horror movie - hey, maybe she and Zach will get along well then. That would hands down be one of the weirdest alliances I'd ever seen. And then Cedric, what's his deal too? So many mysteries - I can't wait to find out more about these guys!

I've got to wrap this up soon, sorry, so I won't be able to say too much on the rest of these guys. But anyways, not getting too much from 7. They're cool, but not as larger-than-life as a lot of these other guys.

First off, the name Bonnet is a genius one, and I love it so much. Second, performing artists are really cool! Excited to see more of Cel (just gonna call her that 'cause I can't remember how to spell her name). Not much to say about James, but normal tributes are nice to see in this sea of crazies. Poor James is in the sane minority, it seems.

So Amber's a druggie? Oof, the Games are not going to go well for her then. Don't have too much more of an opinion on her, because Roy totally stole the show. I always love criminal tributes (eheh, that may not be the best thing), and I'm really excited to learn more about him. He's definitely one of my favourites so far!

Will is also up in my favourites. As soon as his name was announced, I already liked him, but when he pulled out the corny jokes, he automatically shot up into my favs. Those puns though. Beautiful. If I'd been in that crowd, I would have laughed, so don't be sad, Will. Not much to say on Allison.

Not much to say on Keira either, but I like that Terrance tried to run and was complaining about his rights. Poor guy hasn't gotten the memo that if you live in the district in Panem, you really don't get any rights. I don't see the Games going well for him, if only because he seems pretty rebellious for the Capitol's standards. Then again, Lockhart doesn't seem to mind that kind of thing, so who knows?

12 didn't make too much of an impression on me either, though I'm curious to know why everyone seemed to know Lucas. Anyways, I really have to wrap this up, so sorry for cutting this short, but just know I loved this chapter, and the characters, and your writing in general, and I'm so happy you're getting back to this.

Also, thanks for the shout out! You're welcome for the review, honestly, you deserve more, this story is excellent!
4/5/2015 c1 6santiago.poncini20
3/11/2015 c1 2Author of Ice and Fire
I'm in utter awe here, really. Your writing is absolutely spectacular. From the descriptions to the dialogue, everything flows so well and is so interesting to read. Never once did I find myself zoning out or skimming over parts, everything was fantastic.

I love the characters you've created too, especially President Lockhart. He feels like such a real person, not just a two dimensional character - even though he's the president of Panem, he's so relatable. The fake tears made me crack up, and the crooked tie was a perfect detail - honestly, everything was so wonderful, I barely know where to begin. I know this story hasn't been updated in a while, but I really hope you're still planning to do something with it, or to do something else Hunger Games-y, because you're an amazing writer, and I'm already wanting more.

Good luck with future writing!

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