9/2/2018 c1 Whammmm
Very impressed. I rarely see such creative plots implemented properly in a story. While there are a few spelling mistakes I also assume English isn’t your first language so it is a perfectly acceptable mistake. Well done.

8/31/2018 c5 2FinalKingdomHearts
I look forward to the next chapter.

8/31/2018 c5 abc.raven
hi aragon,
i started reading the story recently. I appreciate the length of yours chapters and some of the additional notes.
I also have no issues with your grammar, but English is not my first language. Therefore my assessment may not be correct.
My overall impression is, that you like to write the story and have fun writing the story. I hope, I am not mistaken and wish you for the possible future chapters as much fun as for the past chapters.

cu
raven

8/30/2018 c5 Dragon6676
Great chapter its good to have a writer of your level back in the fanfiction

8/30/2018 c3 howmanyisthat
so here is something that i dislike about how you write scenes. you seemingly always have a bunch of meaningless misunderstandings. first i'm just gonna say i hate misunderstandings in general but because they're meaningless, it doesn't bother me much. what does bother me though is that come about in a way no person in the actual situation would allow to happen. I'll use a couple examples to elaborate.

my last review kind of poked fun at this. In that scene, the Flamels know that Harry is going to be mad at whoever left him with his abuser. nevermind their centuries of experience, it's just common sense. Because they know the circumstances and because they know Dumbledore wouldn't have done it on purpose, any sane person would explain the protection and the need for the protection first. instead we have this misunderstanding where Harry HATES Dumbledore for (here's the meaningless part) one sentence. and it's really meaningless because Harry end up emotionally the same either way. Harry disagrees about being left with the Dursley's for protection, is upset for never being checked up on and overall dislikes Dumbledore. But now we're left with no good reason for the Flamels for creating the misunderstanding in story other than they're stupid even though as readers we know its just how the scene is written without any deeper meaning.

Another example example would be Sh'lainn meeting Harry. No one with her experience would approach an abused runaway the way she approached Harry. He's gonna be scared and distrustful of any stranger so her approach should be as non-threatening and clear as possible. But she isn't and Harry does get scared but it's meaningless and the misunderstanding is cleared away. The same could be said about how she knows about his abuse.

And this chapter with the Delacours (and it was obviously gonna be Fleur cause with the way you write, it's clear you have good taste). First, have you ever opened the door and not noticed everyone standing there? Second, your grandparents come in with an unknown kid, you don't just look at him with curious eyes and talk like he's not there. you smile and introduce yourself cause you have manners. And the anger, ugh. A normal response to your literal ancestors showing up with a famous recently discovered to be missing kid would be to assume dementia had finally caught up with them lol. But seriously why would anger be your first response? and don't even get me started on Flipsy.

So the point i'm making is that you seem to be writing intelligent characters doing stupid actions to create misunderstanding that you resolve instantly leaving only the stupid behind. That's what i think you should work on. well i hope that was helpful cause the next thing is just something i've been musing about.

Why does Harry hate his scar? I understand as a young kid that anything that makes you different is bad and after entering the wizarding world it was a reminder of everything he'd lost. I just figured after 4th year where he learned that the killing curse left no mark or 3rd year where he heard Lily's final moments, he'd see it in a different light. Harry adores anything from or about his parents and the scar is a physical representation of Lily's love for him because he wouldn't have it without whatever she did in the end. That's why I figured that as he matured and learned more about the world, he'd come to see the lightning bolt as one final gift from his mother. It also fits with the end of the story because even though the horcrux is gone and Harry has avenged his parents, Lily's sacrifice was for Harry to live, and so the scar is still there but is now healed.

8/29/2018 c2 howmanyisthat
why would anyone explain it like that?

1 start with abused child (he has no self-worth)
2 tell him he is loved and valued (he gains self-worth and imagines 'what if')
3 tell him person X put him in abusive situation (angry at X for taking away 'what if')
4 protection (outrage at X because protection not equal abuse)
5 explain how protection works (distraction)
6 explain why protection is needed (imagined threat not as important as real threat and anger at X is settled on)

the Flamel's are pretty stupid. If they want Harry to come to his own decision and not go through an emotional rollercoaster (which, now that i think about, would make him pretty easy to manipulate, huh) the steps should have been 1, 2, 6, 4, 5, 3. But wait, the Flamel's can't be stupid, they have centuries of experience and wisdom. So why do it like this unless ... OMG THEY'RE TRYING TO TURN HARRY AGAINST DUMBLEDORE! but why? they must be the dark lords. i'm going to go write a fanfic about this fic where i expose evil/manipulative Flamels lol

(cause i know it might come through on text but i am joking and poking fun at how evil/manipulative Dumbledore came about lmao)

8/29/2018 c1 mckertis
WAY too much water. Lots of fat to trim in here.