for The Darkest Hour: Book 1 The Leopard is Born2/6/2014 c6 Blue741776
ah, poor Leopardkit, though I can't really sympathize with talonkit, for me, its a miracle to be away from my 5 siblings ;)
ah, poor Leopardkit, though I can't really sympathize with talonkit, for me, its a miracle to be away from my 5 siblings ;)
12/17/2013 c5 Blue741776
what's ultimatum? never mind, I'll look it up later. Have you checked out my story yet? also, I thought this story was in the old forest. But great chapter! I already like Duskkit!
what's ultimatum? never mind, I'll look it up later. Have you checked out my story yet? also, I thought this story was in the old forest. But great chapter! I already like Duskkit!
12/2/2013 c4 Blue741776
Cool! though, can cats grin? I don't use it in my stories because Erin Hunter never did, but its supposed to be made-up so, okay! I think you could have used a little more detail in explaining the other cats, use words like 'silky' 'soft' or 'sharp' when describing the features of fur, ears, expressions, or stuff like that. I just think it hives the reader an idea of what the personality of that cat is when it's outward featured are described.
But over all, good chapter!
Cool! though, can cats grin? I don't use it in my stories because Erin Hunter never did, but its supposed to be made-up so, okay! I think you could have used a little more detail in explaining the other cats, use words like 'silky' 'soft' or 'sharp' when describing the features of fur, ears, expressions, or stuff like that. I just think it hives the reader an idea of what the personality of that cat is when it's outward featured are described.
But over all, good chapter!
11/27/2013 c1 xxAshfurxx
YAYZ ASHFUR...oh wait...nope not same Ashfur :P nvm
CCCCOOOLLLL BBUUUUTTTT MMMAAAKKKEEE MMMOOORRRE CCHHHAAAPPPPPPIIIEES (cool but make more chappies(Chapters))
YAYZ ASHFUR...oh wait...nope not same Ashfur :P nvm
CCCCOOOLLLL BBUUUUTTTT MMMAAAKKKEEE MMMOOORRRE CCHHHAAAPPPPPPIIIEES (cool but make more chappies(Chapters))
11/27/2013 c3 Blue741776
Good chapter, you seem to be really good at foreshadowing future events, I'm absolutely terrible at that! I think I did it three times in my 35 chapter story. I've been trying to go back and fix up my first few chapters, but it takes forever!
Good chapter, you seem to be really good at foreshadowing future events, I'm absolutely terrible at that! I think I did it three times in my 35 chapter story. I've been trying to go back and fix up my first few chapters, but it takes forever!
11/24/2013 c2 Blue741776
Wow! I can't believe this is your first fanfic! it's really good I love the detail, way better then my prologue, just try not to use the same adverb or adjective in the same paragraph or sentence, like I just did. Anyway, if your interested, could you read my story? it's kind of long already, but if you have the time, I'd like you to read it.
Wow! I can't believe this is your first fanfic! it's really good I love the detail, way better then my prologue, just try not to use the same adverb or adjective in the same paragraph or sentence, like I just did. Anyway, if your interested, could you read my story? it's kind of long already, but if you have the time, I'd like you to read it.