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for A State of Mercy

7/6/2016 c13 Guest
Where the fuck is Carl?
5/24/2016 c12 Guest
i will take this trade off lol
5/24/2016 c12 Guest
First few chapters weren't too impressive but your writing style develops in later chapters which is good although in my opinion the focus on OC is a bit much considering this is a fanfic which is based upon that. But other than that it's good.
5/24/2016 c1 6Fyrstorm
Okay, instantly I have to say this: HOW DID THE RELATIONSHIP HAPPEN? You can't just throw us into the story and say 'oh by the way these two are TOTALLY in a relationship'- you have to give REASONS, ESPECIALLY if it's with an OC! Dear god, Exodus got this right; you have to build the relationship or else it won't work!
In fact, that's something else I noticed right off the bat; NOTHING'S EXPLAINED. I mean sure, we get something on the state of the Evas, but everything else? In the story, we don't get much answers. What went on after 3rd Impact? How'd they build more Evas? Who are the Harvesters? What happened when they first showed up? Do they just hate humanity, or are they operating on instinct? Who's this kid? How did he meet Asuka? And more importantly, why should I as a reader be invested in his character? Why should I care what happens to him? I think your story should answer more than just a few of these in the first chapter. At the very least, make me feel SOMETHING for the character beyond just 'oh he's a sex-obsessed teen who's somehow nabbed Asuka'. Even Exodus did that, even if it was 'I can't wait to see DJ get his cocky ass kicked'.
But yeah. This needs work. A lot of work. Probably also a beta reader.
11/6/2014 c9 Guest
Holy fuck this is some terrible shit, this is like if Neon Exodus Evangelion and Neo Armageddon Evangelist had two babies then forced inbreeding upon them and their offspring for generations.

Sir I must say bravo, I have never seen a troll fic this intense before.
8/7/2014 c1 Ruby Schnee Rose
7/29/2014 c1 ChaddyManPrime
Wow, you're purposely trying to piss us off.
12/22/2013 c5 Gabriel-TDO
geh...not the worst eva fic I have had the displeasure of reading, but is just as unoriginal and boring.
12/5/2013 c3 13MAI742
Oh, this is precious. _

Keep up the good work! It's so horrible that a kind of grandeur can't help but creep into it and molest it while it sleeps.

12/5/2013 c2 MAI742
Apparently, 'Lau' really is a Cantonese surname (shows what I know). Given that all the jungley bits are in Guangxi/Guangdong, that actually fits.

"the horribly sex filled room Asuka calls home is down there"

12/5/2013 c1 MAI742
"These were what the Japanese scientists had been afraid to make their Evas - atomic killing machines"!

12/4/2013 c1 Seeking Professional Help
I don't usually read fics with OC's that hook up with other pilots. But i'll make an exception here.
11/25/2013 c2 mfgub64
I agree completely with Blitzstrahl about OC ships, but I read this anyway because sometimes they'll at least be well written. I really disliked this fic though. Your original characters are terrible and unlikeable, Asuka is nothing more than a sex fiend, Kensuke is actually a pilot (even if just a spare), and as far as I can tell Shinji's only role is the punching bag. Just awful.
11/22/2013 c1 5Blitzstrahl
Not even going to actually read this, Numbered Child x OC ships are instant fails.

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