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for Lightclan challenge: Lionfall's Pride

7/28/2014 c1 Guest
Eh it's okay.
12/14/2013 c1 Matt
I like it so far, but it needs refinement. Add more detail, yes I know its intended to be a short story; But this should be more detailed cause of the way it is written, regardless of the target audience.
11/25/2013 c1 6Lady Morning
Excellent job, Nightpaw! I really enjoyed reading this.
You portrayed Lionfall's character very nicely. I enjoyed his point of view.
I would have liked to see more of how the Warriors saw the horses. Stick in the size, for one. They tower over cats. Also, humans recognize that horses' ears prick in interest or curiosity. Cats might see it as a threat or an insult. Try coming at the horse more from the angle of having never seen it before. You did do a good job of its description, but I'd love to see more of the angle I mentioned.
My favourite part was the character interactions, especially in the Clan. They just seemed exactly how a Clan in one of Erin's books would act. This was executed and written very professionally.
Keep writing! Three challenges to go!
11/24/2013 c1 Icefeather
Nice job! :D.
11/24/2013 c1 11Melissa daughter of Hecate
This was a good oneshot :D

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