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for Better Be- Ravenclaw!

1/14/2019 c5 23EdTheBeast
Always liked the twins. great chapter!
1/14/2019 c4 EdTheBeast
Very well done. The government part & the X-mas part. The I Love You part was fantastic!
1/14/2019 c3 EdTheBeast
Doing a very good job. I'm not a fan of Ron, Percy, Molly, Draco. But doing a good job of turning Draco.
1/14/2019 c2 EdTheBeast
K. except for the differences in another AU; this is turning out to be a great story!
1/14/2019 c1 EdTheBeast
In my story Snape was charmed by his Mom. So him being on Harry's side is not far fetched.
1/5/2019 c9 superdude50989
Good story wish it was longer.
1/2/2019 c9 4Monster King
Great job
12/28/2018 c1 Olly
Yeah... No, sorry but Hermione is too much out of character for me to enjoy this story. I already found canon Hermione to have some Mary Sue tendencies but the one in your story is even worse, making the character leave the tolerable level of Mary-Sueness to enter the annoying category.
12/28/2018 c9 Ame's world
Too cute !
Thanks
11/22/2018 c9 Sheiky81
I LOVE the story. Short sweet and simple. No complications. Fantastic writing. Thank you!
11/2/2018 c9 comodo50
Absolutely loved this story, it was nice without so much drama and quite neat IMO.
10/29/2018 c9 taxzombie
Just finished your tale. Very nicely done. Good flow and a pleasing tale. I thank you for sharing it.
10/27/2018 c9 MrsH
Thank you for the cool short story. I enjoyed it very much.
10/25/2018 c7 1purplevictory
Ah, I reviewed too soon. You've had them acting more age appropriately in the chapters since- seeking parental interaction, not wanting to face the Dursleys, playing with Transformers, etc. Good developments.

I am also glad that the horcruxes are going to be gone. Presumably, the goblins put some effort into research-it would be rather convenient for them to guess all the locations and the amount of them otherwise. Adding a sentence or two to explain that there was a team researching Voldemort/Riddle and those who had memories of him may make that believability a bit more smoothe.
10/24/2018 c4 purplevictory
This is a really sweet story so far, and I'm quite enjoying it. I see that it was written a few years ago, if you're still writing this may or may not be a helpful critique:
This is a minor thing, so don't be discouraged by the length of my explanation, I am only gathering various examples to make one very nitpicky point.
I am fine with the characterizations so far, except for their psychosocial development/maturity. Harry and Hermione discussing the concept of what "romantic love" truly is. That is a concept for somebody older. Do 11 year olds love? Certainly. They even date, of course. But the concept is rather complex. You could get the same concept across with a discussion more realistic for their age that ends with them saying "I love you." Age appropriate concepts will not water down the intensity of their feelings, simply be more believable.

Similarly, I agree with your assessment of Ron's character. However, for him to be able to fully grasp and put words to this complex manipulative plot that involves his 10 year old sister essentially selling her sexuality to an 11 year old...It's just unrealistic of the level of understanding he might have over that situation. One potential path you could take is to explain the dark plot through his parents or Dumbledore and use Ron's thoughts an actions to supplement that, which would display Ron's personality.

Also, the deep kissing. Yes, middle school kids are hormonal. But at 11 kissing is *usually* chaste. The average adolescent begins GROUP dating around 13 and a half for boys and 12 and a half for girls, and dating as couples closer to 15. Obviously that is an average, and there is always a low end (11 is certainly more and more common these days). But hormone and psychological development should be taken into account with the way they kiss and think of each other.

It is your story, and your charcterizations. And, as I said, a VERY GOOD story. All things considered, this is a very minor thing that crossed my mind, even though it took me so many words to flesh out what I was thinking! Haha, and that is why you are the author and I am not!
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