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10/27/2018 c9 MrsH
Thank you for the cool short story. I enjoyed it very much.
10/25/2018 c7 1purplevictory
Ah, I reviewed too soon. You've had them acting more age appropriately in the chapters since- seeking parental interaction, not wanting to face the Dursleys, playing with Transformers, etc. Good developments.

I am also glad that the horcruxes are going to be gone. Presumably, the goblins put some effort into research-it would be rather convenient for them to guess all the locations and the amount of them otherwise. Adding a sentence or two to explain that there was a team researching Voldemort/Riddle and those who had memories of him may make that believability a bit more smoothe.
10/24/2018 c4 purplevictory
This is a really sweet story so far, and I'm quite enjoying it. I see that it was written a few years ago, if you're still writing this may or may not be a helpful critique:
This is a minor thing, so don't be discouraged by the length of my explanation, I am only gathering various examples to make one very nitpicky point.
I am fine with the characterizations so far, except for their psychosocial development/maturity. Harry and Hermione discussing the concept of what "romantic love" truly is. That is a concept for somebody older. Do 11 year olds love? Certainly. They even date, of course. But the concept is rather complex. You could get the same concept across with a discussion more realistic for their age that ends with them saying "I love you." Age appropriate concepts will not water down the intensity of their feelings, simply be more believable.

Similarly, I agree with your assessment of Ron's character. However, for him to be able to fully grasp and put words to this complex manipulative plot that involves his 10 year old sister essentially selling her sexuality to an 11 year old...It's just unrealistic of the level of understanding he might have over that situation. One potential path you could take is to explain the dark plot through his parents or Dumbledore and use Ron's thoughts an actions to supplement that, which would display Ron's personality.

Also, the deep kissing. Yes, middle school kids are hormonal. But at 11 kissing is *usually* chaste. The average adolescent begins GROUP dating around 13 and a half for boys and 12 and a half for girls, and dating as couples closer to 15. Obviously that is an average, and there is always a low end (11 is certainly more and more common these days). But hormone and psychological development should be taken into account with the way they kiss and think of each other.

It is your story, and your charcterizations. And, as I said, a VERY GOOD story. All things considered, this is a very minor thing that crossed my mind, even though it took me so many words to flesh out what I was thinking! Haha, and that is why you are the author and I am not!
10/18/2018 c3 Guest
(Please don't use "alot" when you mean "a lot".)

Love how you're tackling the "muggleborns can't show their parents what they're learning even though their parents are paying through the nose for their education" bullshit. So many writers ignore or don't cotton on to that fact.
10/18/2018 c2 Guest
These chapters are awfully short for there to be so few of them, but then again, the story itself is a bit...straightforward? I adore the plot direction and highlights but I do wish each chapter went more in-depth and possibly showed other characters' thoughts, etc., but that's just because I'm greedy for more of your writing.
10/18/2018 c1 Guest
(No, Hermione, you can't usually tell someone has been abused JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM FOR 3 WHOLE MINUTES...)
10/8/2018 c9 2trekkifulron
This was a fun read.
10/5/2018 c9 92JDLuvaSQEE
Oh my gods I love this story so much! This was wonderful from start to finish! The ending felt like a great way to have a potential sequel!
9/10/2018 c6 1lindleya1
I love this story, it's a great "what if?" type story, which I love. I especially love your Fudge, as not the man we see in PoA and GoF who's had Malfoy whispering in his ear for 4 years, but a man who realises he can actually do something after getting a nice early slap in the face from Harry.
8/26/2018 c9 nemesis-hime
The story is great!
8/12/2018 c9 19Sorceress of Magic
Love love this story!
8/7/2018 c9 Guest
Great little story, a little shallow on details, more of an extremely well filled-in outline (double the size of each chapter with additional details, more explanatory scenes/examples of the general purpose of each chapter, then divide each chapter into two chapters), but still, extremely well-thought points in this little story. It just needed to be fleshed out much more thoroughly. (The chapters are awfully, awfully short for there to be so few of them.)

Personally, I would like to have read more of Albus, Severus, Filius, Minerva, and perhaps even The Granger's thoughts during the first couple of chapters - "setting their scenes" as it were.

What's "footy"? Soccer? Non-American football? (Not everyone will know this bit.)

(Continuity oops: Mr/Mrs Granger couldn't see Hermione get on the train because, being muggles, they couldn't get to the platform...and then several chapters later, alluvasudden they could...)

I love how Harry didn't suddenly become SuperStudHarry, how he was kept more realistic, and I get why changing Albus from AssholeDumbledore to RepentantDumbledore might be fun for a writer but I love even more how that "change" didn't stick...mwahahaha!

Nicely done!
8/2/2018 c9 serialkeller
Great fic. It's also really nice reading about a decent Draco Malfoy.
7/29/2018 c3 AnotherEightClouds
Great story!
7/22/2018 c9 Guest
YAY best story EVER! Yay but isn't 16 a bit young to be married? Whatever! Best ever!
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