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for The Story of Suzie: The Darkness Beneath

8/12/2014 c2 Aisha Snow
Ok, I definitely was right about the girl being Kari but I think if she’s Dragomon’s Queen and enjoys the role, which from the first chapter, it seems so, I disagree with the characterisation.

Evil people aren’t picky on who they destroy. Kari would not spare Tai and Agumon, even if they were people her former self cared about. If Kari is evil, she’ll be ruthless to everyone.

I also think the way the older Tamers were written off was for convenience purposes. Since this is an M-rated story, if you wanted to write them out of the story, you could have them comatose/killed, lost their memories or something else that puts them effectively out of the action.

I do like you focusing on the minors, but be careful of dismissing characters for plot purposes.
8/12/2014 c1 Aisha Snow
For starters, I want to say I *LOVE* your description. Your sensory imagery is amazing. I especially loved the comparison of water to oil. From the description of this place, is Kurata in the Dark Ocean?

Human girl? Given the story, does that perhaps refer to Suzie, given the title? I am so happy to see a Suzie-centric fanfic. Despite being a minor character, she was one of my favourites especially how she turned Antylamon against the Sovereign and all. Ok, I’m rambling.

Ok so Suzie’s calling herself a Goddess and saying she has worshippers. This is interesting. But it is the Darkness Beneath, so hopefully there will be an explanation on how she got to here. Will this story be in flashback? If it is, that certainly is an original way to put it.

Suzie seems almost lonely though. The mild disinterest part. I’m wondering if it really is Suzie now though. I know this is a crossover, but how does she know Ken? I suppose I should read the other stories for that, but since I’ve seen you asking feedback for this one, I felt you deserved a review. Everyone deserves a feedback.

My second guess is Kari due to the worshippers bit. It reminds me of the Scubamon from the series. This makes things interesting. Has Kari become Dragomon’s queen? If so, I really want to know how. Guess I better give this review and go read the next chapter.
7/6/2014 c19 8The Keeper of Worlds
Well, okay straight up that is twisted and wrong on how he's using an Avatar-style, alchemy. Trippy and interesting, no doubt, and using it to play Russian Roulette on the multiverse is honestly kinda, simple. Plus he needs a good challenge himself. Dagomon may be Eldritch, but pride comes before the fall.

I think The Keeper needs to start to mess with him. I have a Digimon who SHOULD NOT EXIST to fight him, plus my own multiverse fueled powers.
6/20/2014 c1 18NeoAmyJogress
Ok so what I liked:
- How realistic Kurata's survival was
- Kari's description

Now the issues:
I feel Kari would turn blank even as Dagomon's Queen and not relish working under him no matter how much time has passed. I feel she would become emotionless and just not respond, be more robotic than evil and ruthless.

Kurata's sexual attraction towards Kari is creepy and uneccessary. As is it OOC. In fact Kurata in general is OOC because he was afraid of digimon. It was a phobia more than a favour to society. I may not remember much but he is my favourite villain so I do remember that.

The plot has potential but it seems disorganised. Kurata surviving is interesting but his machines wouldn't just come back. He'd feel a bit more groggy after almost dying too. Maybe start a plansheet to be more organised?
6/18/2014 c17 Shizuka Miyu
You have a good writing style but I feel you have troubles with characterisation. You've turned Suzie into another Henry essentially.

This line "Suzie and Lopmon looked briefly at each other in wordless agreement". I agree Suzie would grow up eventually and not be all Pwincess Pwettypants and all but at the same time, Henry and Suzie were opposites. North pole, south pole in my humble opinion so Suzie would not turn into another Henry. She'd retain some of her playfulness.

Also, Kristy's partner is Piyomon/Biyomon not Gumdramon. Gumdramon is Akaishi Tagiru's partner from the sixth series.

I must commend your vocabulary. It seems everyone I find in Review Tags have better vocabulary then I do *pouts* Not fair, you know. Haha totally kidding but if you're free, I'd love a beta for the technical stuff as I'm not all that great with it. Been looking around.

All in all, my major critique is characterisation. Some fics I read, I feel like I'm watching the series but in this one, the characters are a bit too unrecognisable. Cheerful characters are turned into lonewolfs/broody types. If I had to give it a ranking based on this chapter alone, I'd give it a 5/10.
6/6/2014 c17 8The Keeper of Worlds
Not a bad fight, but the dissolving and Cherubimon loss were odd.
5/26/2014 c2 bubblytiger3
I'm surprised you've taken this long to add Suzie into your story bearing in mine you used her as a plot device, sorry, but I expected her to be in it from the start, but I prefer the start you already have... Sorry, that's kind of a back handed compliment, but I kinda like the abrupt endings to your chapters
5/26/2014 c1 bubblytiger3
I'm not sure what to think of this story, I like the darkness to it. The weird description at the beginning made my skin crawl. eugh! but that's a good thing, it's set the scene for your story relatively well, I'll try and read the other chapters soon
5/17/2014 c16 36AspiringWriterGirl
Hmm.. I'm not sure, I don't think you've quite got some of the characterisation right, I just can't imagine some of the characters saying what they have. Particularly, the Commander, and I don't think that Ogremon is someone who would 'holler' that much. Few punctuational errors with absent commas, I wouldn't use some of the semi colons where you have and some words had been capitalised when they shouldn't be.
On the other hand, the pace of this story is good, and I think you make the characters across the series interact well with one another
5/4/2014 c16 8The Keeper of Worlds
Sweet:). Love the serious ownage on Algomon:)
4/2/2014 c15 The Keeper of Worlds
Yikes, that's intense!
3/13/2014 c14 The Keeper of Worlds
That's intense!
3/8/2014 c13 36AspiringWriterGirl
I read the other chapters and it has some great twists, I have to say I love your descriptions, they are unique and you don't repeat your descriptions, however, there were odd occasions where there was a minor grammar slip up, "The other three present were confused by the man calling Lilithmon, an young girl, a woman" I think should really be "A young girl, a woman" Other than that, I'm enjoying this crossover between series and think that by not filling in some details, you make good use of cliffhangers :)
2/19/2014 c1 1Angie Kudou
Alright, so I'll follow my usual style. First of all my usual style and go with compliments. That woman intrigues me. At first I thought it was Kari but she wouldn't be that cruel nor suggest to kill one of her friends at least in my opinion. But then again, I don't know something might have happened to her to a change. I came here through Review Tag but have found myself wanting to read more about what's happening.

Now what I disliked is Kurata did seem OOC. He seemed more insane than a normal person but I don't actually feel he'd kill a human nor just willingly team up with someone. I feel his decision is more solely based on his sexual attraction to this "goddess" then how much it'll benefit him. Though, it did match his character of him wanting to delete digimon so kudo's for that.

I'm not an expert on grammar myself but your fic is near spotless when it comes to grammar mistakes. Your spelling is also excellent. My overall thoughts are I immensely enjoyed this and do not understand why it doesn't have many reviews. The fandom needs to learn to recognise good fanfiction.
2/17/2014 c12 8The Keeper of Worlds
Nicely done, though he now just needs to unlock his Mega-form of Biomerge, Ulforceveedramon. Now THAT is a Speed/Strength combo demon!
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