for Muted Dreams6/16/2014 c2 GarionRiva
Nice contrast from the first chapter. Is Ash gonna do something about the pokemon capture limit of six? I mean his relationship with Oak isn't that good and that Oak will not care for his pokemon anyways. So I'm curious about that.
Looking good, can't wait for the next one.
Nice contrast from the first chapter. Is Ash gonna do something about the pokemon capture limit of six? I mean his relationship with Oak isn't that good and that Oak will not care for his pokemon anyways. So I'm curious about that.
Looking good, can't wait for the next one.
6/16/2014 c1 GarionRiva
This chapter is great. I like that it's a bit dark and more complex. I usually hate big blocks of paragraph that have different POV but I find your writing style easy to read and follow.
Big chapter with lots of expectations, looking forward for more.
This chapter is great. I like that it's a bit dark and more complex. I usually hate big blocks of paragraph that have different POV but I find your writing style easy to read and follow.
Big chapter with lots of expectations, looking forward for more.
6/16/2014 c1 DarkPirateKing69
the summary sounded fairly interesting so i decide to check this out... but oh god those paragraphs are horrid..even with 3/4 format, this is pain to read. sorry, not for me. maybe someone isn't bothered by them, but i definitely am.
the summary sounded fairly interesting so i decide to check this out... but oh god those paragraphs are horrid..even with 3/4 format, this is pain to read. sorry, not for me. maybe someone isn't bothered by them, but i definitely am.
6/16/2014 c2 
5AzureSkyTower
Every time a new person starts to talk in dialogue, you need to start a new line. This will also prevent paragraphs from getting too long and confusing as it is hard at times to tell who is talking.
5AzureSkyTowerEvery time a new person starts to talk in dialogue, you need to start a new line. This will also prevent paragraphs from getting too long and confusing as it is hard at times to tell who is talking.
6/16/2014 c1 MOVEDGOODBYE
i want to read the rest but there isn't anymore. do you see my dilemma? heh, take as long as you need, so long as it gets updated at some point I don't care
i want to read the rest but there isn't anymore. do you see my dilemma? heh, take as long as you need, so long as it gets updated at some point I don't care
3/8/2014 c1 3God Of Cake
Like the story so far! Ash/Reds mom sounds like a certain giraffe necked horse and whale... Update soon if you can!
3God Of CakeLike the story so far! Ash/Reds mom sounds like a certain giraffe necked horse and whale... Update soon if you can!
12/11/2013 c1 Acekiller28
Awsosome just pure amazing while not what happen but the story I enjoy just a few questions first is he considered a human or pokemon and seconds is will mew be playing a larger part in the later parts cause I mean he is kids mewish
Awsosome just pure amazing while not what happen but the story I enjoy just a few questions first is he considered a human or pokemon and seconds is will mew be playing a larger part in the later parts cause I mean he is kids mewish
12/9/2013 c1 3Laties228
Had to reread it a few times before everything settled properly; it's really good though. However, I do have a few questions that the details seemed to be a bit omitted. First is about Ash's changes. First thing that came to my mind was that Ash would be transforming into a Pokemon. Can't say that this is common, per se, but if that is what you're doing, then be careful.
The next point focuses on the adults. I really felt bad for Mr. Ketchum (Jackson), but I hope you explain later on what happened to him. Delia and Ron seem to be terrible ... words can barely describe their wickedness, so I hope they receive their just desserts soon. You also hinted that Professor Oak is similar toward Gary as Delia is toward Ash; is it basically the same or is he less violent? Also, you made Leaf's parents kind of similar to Ash's as well. Are the kids going to have any sort of parental figure to look up to, and will the RBG trio be traveling together despite their different goals?
Third, it seemed as though you went into a lot of detail over Ash's ring, and you separating those few lines from the neighboring paragraphs caused it to take my interest. Will it be important for later on in the plot, or was that a curve ball to throw me off?
I think that was it, and sorry it took so long to review; school got in the way again.
-Laties228
3Laties228Had to reread it a few times before everything settled properly; it's really good though. However, I do have a few questions that the details seemed to be a bit omitted. First is about Ash's changes. First thing that came to my mind was that Ash would be transforming into a Pokemon. Can't say that this is common, per se, but if that is what you're doing, then be careful.
The next point focuses on the adults. I really felt bad for Mr. Ketchum (Jackson), but I hope you explain later on what happened to him. Delia and Ron seem to be terrible ... words can barely describe their wickedness, so I hope they receive their just desserts soon. You also hinted that Professor Oak is similar toward Gary as Delia is toward Ash; is it basically the same or is he less violent? Also, you made Leaf's parents kind of similar to Ash's as well. Are the kids going to have any sort of parental figure to look up to, and will the RBG trio be traveling together despite their different goals?
Third, it seemed as though you went into a lot of detail over Ash's ring, and you separating those few lines from the neighboring paragraphs caused it to take my interest. Will it be important for later on in the plot, or was that a curve ball to throw me off?
I think that was it, and sorry it took so long to review; school got in the way again.
-Laties228
12/7/2013 c1 RyderA
try to make the paragraphs smaller so its easier to read
other than that keep up the great work!
try to make the paragraphs smaller so its easier to read
other than that keep up the great work!
12/6/2013 c1 36I Am Darkrai
Did he just become...Red?
WHAT?!
MSNFNFJEINVNDNRIFVRNIRUGMN
MIND. BLOWN.
I. DON'T. KNOW. WHAT. TO. SAY.
36I Am DarkraiDid he just become...Red?
WHAT?!
MSNFNFJEINVNDNRIFVRNIRUGMN
MIND. BLOWN.
I. DON'T. KNOW. WHAT. TO. SAY.