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for The Intruders

12/24/2013 c1 6Lady Morning
Excellent! This was a very good read.
I really liked Morninglily's character and name. Both were well thought out and expressed in this oneshot. Her interactions with the other characters were interesting and true to the personality you chose for her.
Your oneshot was well written, but could have used a bit more editing in parts. There's a strategy a lot of professional authors use that I think could really help your storytelling style out. Read it out loud. You yourself can read it. Some people find it helpful to record their reading and then listen from that. Other writers prefer to find a good friend or trusted family member to read it out loud for them. This way can be helpful because it gives you an idea of how other people read it.
I also loved your solution to the problem. Graypaw's character showed his thinking well for this as well. I really liked how this helped the patrol to interact with the strangers.
Keep writing!
12/17/2013 c1 Guest
One word. LAME!

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