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2/10/2014 c1 3Sunsetcheetah
You mentioned you are a new writer. Congrats on joining in:)
One thing I would really recommend on doing is having your story read out loud. This is something I do when I'm writing. It helps put things in perspective and also to see if they make sense. Or you could also get a beta.
On reviewing your story I like the idea (makes me thing of Ranma and a half! Which I love!)
I had trouble understanding at first what was going on. So I went and read the summary. That ended up helping a bit.
I would suggest setting up the story a little better. Giving details of what's going on and who is there already. Having most of the characters introduced as they speak is a bit confusing. Also I do understand that Harry has been transformed into a girl but at times it's hard to know who is talking.
Please don't get discouraged by my critic though! It takes practice and this is your first attempt! If you have a Mac, you can have it read what you've written back to you (Which is what I do).
Also be careful with run on sentences or sentences that would make more sense as two and mindful of commas!
Good luck and keep writing!:)
12/23/2013 c1 59KeepsAwayTheNargles
Hahah I thought this was very Interesting! I loved the characters and their constant banter, It was so enjoyable. It got confusing towards the end with the new characters, but by any chance Is this a Harry Potter/Inyuyasha crossover? You used the setting really well, and I like the whole deamon thing :) Well done
12/21/2013 c1 Opinr
A good first chapter I look forward to more.

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