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for Mahou Shoujo Kaleido Amethyst, 1st version

11/1/2014 c11 Akuma-Heika
Pretty sure the heroes would attack them for their monster origin not the divine one (unless they are heroes like Gilgamesh)

Waste is not usually what the body fails to break down but what results FROM breaking down nutrients.
11/1/2014 c5 Akuma-Heika
hope liz gets some subbie moments at least. harry is the vampirc demigod after all.
10/18/2014 c11 T-B-R
wow, when I read the V.2 story version I was hooked, but this one has so much more lemony goodness in it compared to V.2
4/29/2014 c11 firebluebird2006
you reference various events in Harry's past why dont you write a fic with them in it?
4/5/2014 c10 Twigon
They're already starting to treat her like an it, rather than a partner.

It disgusts me. If there a single scene of it being used like it's been in public or in view of others, that'll also be a bail point for me.
4/5/2014 c9 Twigon
What the hell, Durandall. I never would have known, if you hadn't pointed it out in an authors note. I simply would have pruned his stories off my favorites list when they went non-updated for about a year.

That's depressing.

As for the continued sexual escapades, I have to admit that I am immensely uncomfortable with people getting pegged (female on male anal) if the peggee isn't in control. I know it's hypocritical, seeing as I have now problem with male on female female on female, or male on male versions of the same thing, but it bothers me. At least he's getting something to thrust into- if he was left out dry I probably would have rage-quit. On the other hand, if the one getting nailed is setting the pace then I find it much more attractive.
4/5/2014 c8 Twigon
I'm freaking the hell out. The slave scene turned me on, but disgusted me at the same time. Seeing as I am most comfortable in the lead, and get a great deal of pleasure out of tying up others, this is strange and I'm mostly blaming it on the fact that the part of your brain that deals with disgust basically turns off after the dick turns on. I tend to draw connections between myself and characters, and as I wouldn't mind becoming a girl for a bit (would be fun to experiment, actually) it isn't hard to empathize with Harry.

Until he started submitting to everything. I can understand it as part of his/her nature, anything to make them happy, but the way they're actually treating him/her...

"Hey, I love you, so let me degrade and dehumanize you in bed, calling you something less than myself, a toy to be used."

There isn't, cannot be, equal love between a slave and a master. There can be fondness, an enjoyment of each-other, but the label of slave inherently makes the bearer less than people in general, much less their master. Watching/reading this is like witnissing the start of the descent into becoming nothing more than a living toy.

What's a cumplug now? The dildo's in both holes later are acceptable too. The collar you cannot remove is a constant reminder of being less than your master, but they love you, so it's okay, right? Being tied up can be fun- it's even more kinky when you're left like that for a while, even between sex-sessions; like an appliance to be used when convenient for the user, no thought of the tool being taken into account. The gag with a hole so you can't even speak while still being able to be mouth-fucked is degrading as you drool all over yourself, but your partner(s) won't think any less of you since they put it there... Could they?

It's a slippery slope. I was expecting some mutual action, Harry/Amethyst being in charge once in a while, and the start with Liz's tailbone scale spot and Fen's willingness to go down for Harry's benefit with demanding retribution seemed good, but if you continue this slide down even in the rewrite I will get the fuck out now.

There are two genre's I, almost without exception, cannot stand; mind-break and neotare (also known as cheating.). If the submissiveness continues to grow, then it might as well be called mind-break.

(Of course, Harry/Amethyst is already broken with their willingness to go whatever lengths necessary to keep them happy, but he's not even grumbling to himself. It's like he has no pride, no will at all. 'It would make them happy, I'm fine with it, as a good partner should be.' Is scarily close to 'Master likes it, I'm a good pet, I like it too!')

And of course, this is all without mentioning how OOC several of the characters are. Tamamo wanted to be the perfect wife, and what she's doing now? That's as far from perfect wife you can get and still be in a committed relationship. Fran jumped right in to the domination after she was accepted, and Altrouge hasn't been shown to have much on-screen hesitation. The Gorgan Sister's were family members, nothing more, for the entire story. I can't imagine much of a reason to move the comfortable relationship to physical, even if Harry/Amethyst Is fine with it, beyond 'everyone else is doing it.'

At this point, I'm basically labeling the story as 'Porn with little plot.' Which may be what you intended.

In the end, I suppose I'd just like to know if the transformation from assertive, caring young man/occasional woman is going to go straight to all-female cum-craving slut, no thought in her head but to please the master.
2/28/2014 c11 MissGardenia
Ouch, the dreaded rewrite notice. While not an actual cancellation notice, I've seen it as the kiss of death for many fics in my own time.

Well, that said, as you note, there were certainly pacing issues and plots you either skipped or glossed to get to where you wanted it for this idea. If you feel you need to visit them properly, I wouldn't blame you.

Unrelated to that, given that you were having Harry/Amethyst be less and less enthused with the Wizarding World, have you given any thought to what she would end up doing after graduation/leaving? I had the crazy thought that, given she was having fun playing around with magical technology, that she'd be transitioning to a Magical Girl and mother, that she'd be mostly not going to one of her worlds any more...she could certainly go and join a new one instead of 'just' bumming around the Nasuverse. And with all those...to actually visit the 'real' Nanoha worlds? Well, she'd fit in at that point. (Okay, so the mothers in that verse have mostly adopted, but still!) Sell it to Zelretch as wanting to see their tech in person and steal what she can and probably get into hijinks that would entertain him?

...just a thought, was all.
2/28/2014 c11 Guest
that penalty was loving this story.

IN: Damon N.
2/28/2014 c11 Rydan fall
Try other servants, like a certain assassin name The Magus Killer, for one.
If Harry keeps that servant slot sepperate, he could summon more then one of a certain class.
How would everybody react on the infamous Magus Killer being around again?

As for a fun side project for Harry?
The Tardis from Doctor Who.

What about Harry learning on how to dimesion shift a property he himself has warded to a preselected location?
Why?
It's the perfect theft.

So there are other things to think off, like Iron Man or the Knight Sabers from Bubbelgum Crisis.

That map Harry based on the Maureders Map in Fat's Gamble, what if you ad those stones to your remote weapon system?
Ad the property displacement wards to them as well and Harry could theoretically drop a opponent into a Vulcano on some dimensionaly other Earth.

Think about the servant/spirit links Harry has, when traveling dimensional.
Unless Zell did something to compensate, it should be in standby mode when dimensionaly sepperated.
Which could give problems to Harry's Grail based servants, but Hogwarts would just reconnect when the link is back again.
Holly is ironically, a way for Harry to use the leylines from several dimensional alternet Hogwarts-en.

Think wild, reduce the Lemon and more story (with humor).

For one, what about a floating Island or maybe a flying ship like lets say the Warrior?
The last "Ship of the Line", first of the true "Iron Clads".

Grail War fake servant, old fasion story based (bad) witch.

Harry is a walking catalist, without precossions(?), he can't select anybody or even random summon a certain servant?
So he either uses tue Earth as a Catalist or gets some catalist to use, so he can select who comes.
Anyway, will you let Harry try to build a Delorian like the one from "Back to the Future"?
2/28/2014 c11 1Lunaryon Lord of Chaos
Can't wait to see
2/28/2014 c11 1alex-uk
damn... well, 3 months for better than this should be worth it... still its a good story so try going and hopefully a werid time distortion will happen and it will only take a week or so... suppose i do see where it could of been fuller but as basicly a massive omake it did give a sense of being pull forward... still cant wait for the new and improved version of it as its been amazing so far.
2/28/2014 c11 9jmspikey
So long as you don't cancel I'm good
2/12/2014 c10 MissGardenia
I wouldn't feel pressured to make this story have new sex scenes or kinks every chapter. I think the concept itself is strong enough, even as a divergence from Fate's Gamble, that you can have interesting things going on with Amethyst coming into her own personality and goals without devolving into just a sex romp.

That said, given the things going on, I'd sort of expect her to start pushing (or for independently) for the circle to be closed, so to speak, and getting her girls involved with each other at the same time, instead of the relationships all only being with her.
2/6/2014 c10 1harlequin320
nice chapter, keep up the good work, update soon
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