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7/12/2015 c1 29Boris Yeltsin
I'm loving it. Continue.
7/12/2015 c35 Guest
NONONONONONONONONO!
7/12/2015 c35 3BlakeShadow
OMG you cannot do this to me! I can't believe you ended at this cliffhanger. I fucking hate Ella at this point. Excuse my language. You have to update soon.
7/11/2015 c35 FlyOn02
Oh my fucking God! This chapter was so Goddamn intense. (sorry for lang) really good chapter.
7/11/2015 c35 7jabbrjays
I'm not going to review this entire fic. Every time I try to start it's like running into a brick wall. No offense to you as a person, but the writing in the beginning is so bad that it's genuinely off-putting. Since this chapter was tolerable I'll give you a quick rundown.

1. If you're going to have a split-POV chapter, use line breaks. Parenthetical (X POV) doesn't cut it. Normally I'm anti-split-POV-chapters, but this one was long enough and the switches were semi-decent. Good on you.

2. You don't smash alcohol bottles - they're pretty tough and the sharp glass is a hazard. What people do to dispose alcohol is they upend the bottle and pour the drink out.

3. The latter two POV sections of this chapter are really dialogue-heavy. While I liked the end bit, the juxtaposition of Max's words with Ella's mental rebuttals, I felt that as a whole the chapter was lacking. I'd suggest taking the time to have a character describe their surroundings and interact with their environment. If it's raining outside then characters get wet - they hunch into their jackets and try to cover their heads, they get cold, etc. When Fang pours out alcohol, the smell should be pretty overwhelming as alcohol has a strong smell, even in small quantities. Does the rain wash away the booze?
Not only that - characters respond to other things. They have internal narratives and narrating voices and physical reactions. They clench their fists, grind their teeth, hunch their shoulders, wipe away tears. They notice how others do the same, and comment on that.

Like I said, I'm not reading this entire thing. But this chapter was decent and I might pop around every few weeks to see if there's an update. The concept is played out, but your focus is reasonably entertaining.
7/11/2015 c35 1NwRaven
A cliff hanger nooo! :( update soon please I can't wait to read what happens next. Although I'm nervous about the next chapter.
7/11/2015 c35 2Max-Without-Wings
AaaaaahhhhhHHHHHHH WUT. Damn cliff hanger. Screw you Ella. Dumbass. Sonofabitch.
7/11/2015 c34 3BlakeShadow
Please update soon. I need to know what happens next. I hate Ells for making Max think it is all her fault. This is one of the best fics I've read in a while and I can't wait to find out what happens next.
7/10/2015 c34 24VampireRide
I can definitely badger you about updating faster. I kept wanting to PM you to update but then I got scared I'd be "that creepy fan who needs to stop" and so I held back. XD
And I love Iggy and hate his brother and the feels and I'm so upset Max is starting to think Fang doesn't actually like her. I blame the witch Ella and I hope Max realizes he really does like her and she really likes him so if nothing else that should help her.
Stay Majestic
7/10/2015 c34 FlyOn02
I love this please keep going, I am a writer too I understand writer's block sucks.
7/9/2015 c34 1Cristyceci
I'll proofread the mi foto you like.
7/9/2015 c5 2Max-Without-Wings
Was that a Supernatural quote I saw? Nice.
7/9/2015 c1 Max-Without-Wings
You got me hooked on this story the moment you mentioned BVB. I can't wait to read it all
7/9/2015 c34 4piningspaceboys
I have an idea, but I don't know if you already have this idea or not. What if Max gets a little depressed and tries cutting herself, and Nudge funds her and stops her? That way, when Fang calls Nudge, she will tell him what happened?
7/9/2015 c34 WorstBookshelfEver
I think its a really good idea for some of the readers to review the upcoming chapter. They (the reviewers) could give you new ideas (for writers blocks) and give another opinion on grammar, plot and layout. I'm pretty sure the Beta system is good for that, but I personally haven't had any prior experience with it. If you want a reader to proofread, I'd like to try for it. Thanks.
Please update soon!
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