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1/3/2014 c1 HerpDerp8215
You've got a few issues here. For starters, I'm not sure I buy the whole "14-year-old living by herself" premise. I think the cutoff point for legal emancipation is like 16, and even then you need to be able to prove that you're self-sufficient. Your protagonist would definitely end up in foster care. It's not a big deal. Maybe just age her up or stick her with a foster parent.

Second, I understand the need to flesh out your protagonist's issues, but you're telling rather than showing. Don't say that she's scarred, show it through her actions and how she thinks.

Finally, be aware of run-on sentences. You have them throughout.

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