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for A Victor's Ally - The 73rd Hunger Games

4/20/2020 c1 Radio Free Death
Hey there! I'm aware that this story is pretty old, but there's a sequel already out so I thought to start at the beginning. I hope you don't mind my advice, even if it's years later. Maybe it'll come in handy for future stories.

["Luke," I let out a laugh]

Speech tags are stuff like 'said', 'asked', 'replied', etc. If something isn't a speech tag, it's treated as a separate sentence. This means that you end the dialogue with a period, because it's the end of that sentence.

[In the end he managed to knock her off the side of the cliff, but not before she delivered a nasty cut down his arm, leaving a permanent scar that even the Capital couldn't fix.]

I find this incredibly hard to believe, as they have the capabilities to cover up scars (Katniss comments on this very fact). Maybe have it that he doesn't want to forget, that the scar is there to remind him of what he's been through and what he's done.

[Once he returned, he was never the same. For the first few weeks he refused to see anyone, and it wasn't until after his victory tour that we were able to rekindle our friendship. Even then, it was different. His whole demeanor had changed from the fun-loving boy I used to know, to a careful, guarded man.]

I really don't get this level of ignorance.

Juliet grew up with the games. She's seen kids being killed in horrible ways, she's seen what it does to victors. Unless the propaganda is so strong that Juliet assumes all kids that come out of it are just happy and fine with what they've gone through, but it doesn't really seem like that. It's like she doesn't get why he's so miserable or why his personality would change after something like this.

["The reaping is today," I stated glumly,]

Never use stated. It's not the same as said.

Kit comes off as a little psychotic. There's pretending that everything's okay and then there's being so oblivious to other people's suffering. From the way she acts, you'd think she was preparing for a festival, not the murderdeath games.

[I took a deep breath before entering my section, pushing past a group of weeping girls. Judging by their fancy dresses and perfect makeup, I assumed they belonged to the richer part of the district. They obviously didn't have to worry about tesserae increasing their chances. I scoffed.
Girls. This was why I didn't get along with them.]

Why is she being so catty? What does being rich have to do with being a girl? Not only that, but their names are in the drawing as well, so they're all suffering together. Yeah, maybe not as much, but they can still be picked.
1/21/2020 c21 Chantal
So she found out already, what the Capitol would do to good looking victors.
1/20/2020 c20 Chantal
Undoubtedly President Snow is planning to prostitute Juliet out against her will, like he did Finnick.
1/20/2020 c19 Chantal
It makes sense that the replay of the Games would be nearly the worst part of the whole thing.
1/18/2020 c18 Chantal
She killed the final tribute, so hopefully the hovercraft can get her to the hospital in time.
1/18/2020 c17 Chantal
This was a really tense and fast chapter. I'm afraid Moe may be dead.
1/18/2020 c16 Chantal
Undoubtedly all four of them are going to be thrown together at once.
1/18/2020 c15 Chantal
I'm wondering if the Capitol reaped Juliet on purpose because they knew Luke's feelings for her. The original books did imply that kind of stuff happened.
1/18/2020 c14 Chantal
So it was Moe who killed Atlas. And they wounded Psycho girl, another plus.
1/18/2020 c13 Chantal
Oh no, a cliffhanger ending! Did Atlas kill Juliet or did another tribute get him?
1/18/2020 c12 Chantal
So now most of the career pack is gone. Juliet has a good chance, but there's still the little psycho girl out there.
1/18/2020 c11 Chantal
Not Laurette too, right on top of Hank. :(
1/18/2020 c10 Chantal
Hank being wounded is so terrible, especially since he's in love with Laurette. I hope she's not dead, but I bet he won't be able to use that arm.
1/18/2020 c9 Chantal
So Juliet killed a career. It might not seem like it her, but it'll undoubtedly help later in the Games.
1/18/2020 c8 Chantal
I'm not surprised by the careers, but I am a little surprised over the 12 year old being so deadly. And District 12 lost both tributes at once.
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