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for Timewarp: Hogwarts Style

3/16/2018 c1 2k+Hawki
-Need to work on your punctuation. You’re using full stops to end dialogue rather than full stops (e.g. “I know.” Adria replied should be “I know,” Adria replied).

-Would they really be able to listen to CDs at Hogwarts? Doesn’t the magic there bugger up electronic equipment?

-“They’re ALL READY killing us.”

Should be “already.”

-So, first section in, and I’ll be honest, even the above stuff aside, the writing style is very basic. Feels geared towards younger children. Maybe it’s accurate to the age group, but it has a script-like format that doesn’t flow as well as it could. Even using the actual ‘Harry Potter’ novels as an example, even at the age of 11, the writing flowed far more naturally.

-Likewise, the second section. It feels extremely superficial. Here we are at a point in time where Voldemort is running the show, muggle borns are literally running for their lives in the outside world, and here we have teenagers whose means of striking back…is to play pop music. The song doesn’t even have thematic relevance to the situation they’re in. So if it’s to be taken as a songfic (not saying it is), the lyrics don’t match the nature of the narrative.
3/5/2016 c1 Guest
I love the thought that the muggleborns fought back.
12/17/2014 c1 3123a456e
Aw that was so awesome! I wish you wrote the Harlem Shake one as well! Just have the muggleborns performing random songs every once in a while with the purebloods so confused.

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