1Okay, heads up I normally will not be updating this fast, this just came to me and I couldn't let it go until I finished it. Hope you enjoy :)
I don't want to fall asleep
Here I feel at home
Yes, with you I feel so wanted
But I am afraid now
Am I really something to you
So unsure about myself but
I don't want to fall asleep
Here I feel at home
Alec sleepily watches the figure that lays in bed with him. The moonlight shining through the window leaves an ethereal glow on Magnus's tan skin. He observes with steadfast concentration Magnus's every unconscious move. From his chest rising and falling, his eyes fluttering every so often as he dreamt, to the way his arm drapes over his midsection while he feels the other wrapped around himself. Magnus was beautiful, but no, beautiful could not even begin to describe how he is to Alec. And that is what confused Alec so much. For since Magnus was well, Magnus, what could the 800 year old warlock see in him? He was far from beautiful, Jace is the beautiful one, not him. So why did Magnus always call him that?
Letting out a sigh he lays his head back upon Magnus's bare chest. To think, a few months ago he would never have thought this possible but, here he is. Alec starts to lightly trace random patterns along Magnus's side, lost in thought. Here I am doubting so much but, I…I feel so safe. So secure. A feeling I have never had at 'home'. The more time I am spending with him the more I feel like this is home, and not the Institute. He lets his eyes slid shut as he sighs before opening them up again. Laying there in Magnus's embrace he does not want to be anywhere else. He looks back up at his sleeping face and smiles. Magnus's face is so relaxed, so serene and make-up less. Alec does not want to fall asleep for he is the only one who ever sees the warlock with his defenses down, and he could simply watch him sleep for all eternity.
Eternity.
That one word holds enough power to let the fear creep back into Alec's blissful thoughts.
How could he possibly want me? A closeted Shadowhunter. What am I to him, really? Do I mean anything to him or am I just another conquest in his long line of lovers? He is immortal, I am not; this could never work so why is he bothering with me?
But then Alec's thoughts take a shift.
What am I to him? Well what is he to me? I thought I loved Jace but I was wrong, he was my safe haven, my never could be. What I feel for Magnus is different than what I felt for Jace. I mean, I like Magnus. Yeah, but what is he to me? My boyfriend. Not like that Lightwood. He's in my thoughts all the time, knows what to say, he is here for me. I feel so safe, so wanted, so secure, I-
During Alec's inner turmoil and debate he had tensed up. The change was enough to stir Magnus from his sleep, who tightened his arm around Alec in response-effectively cutting off Alec's inner debate.
"Mhmmnn, Alec? Why are you so tense darling?" Magnus sleepily questions before yawning. His one hand began stroking Alec's hair while the other traces the runes etched on his back.
At his ministrations Alec's body quickly relaxed into the familiar touch. Sighing, Alec snuggles more into Magnus which earns him a sleepy chuckle. He feels that warm feeling rush over him again.
"It's nothing." Alec mumbles into his chest.
"Well 'nothing' has you up at this ungodly hour of-" Magnus turns his head to find the clock, "-two am?! God Alexander, have you gotten any sleep?"
"…maybe a little…" Magnus lets out a sigh.
"I wasn't tired-" Alec yawns.
"Well, now you are so shush."
Magnus readjusts slightly as Alec turns his head to look up at him. Magnus smiles warmly at him before leaning down and giving him a soft kiss, erasing all thought from Alec's head. A soft smile remaining on his face as he pulls away, Magnus brushes a few strands of hair out of Alec's face. Alec leans into the touch closing his eyes and sighing. He then ducks his head back down and snuggles back into his warlock.
"Goodnight Alexander."
"Goodnight Magnus."
He feels Magnus place a kiss on his hair before his eyes slowly start to slide shut. Alec smiles contently. Yes, here he was safe, here he was secure, here he was wanted. He was not sure about much, but this he was sure of. Alec did not want to fall asleep.
Because lying here, in Magnus's embrace, sure felt like home.
Thanks for reading :) I plan on 3 more parts to this piece, but I do not know when I will have them up. I had a spontaneous writing session at 12am and wouldn't let me rest until I finished it (which I wrote by hand first), typed it, and posted it.