Disclaimer(s): Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. I do absolutely ridiculous things to her characters, nothing more.

Regarding cruises/cruising: The cruise ship/line/personnel/schedule/etc described herein doesn't actually exist. This is merely an blend of my imagination and all of the various cruises I've been on throughout the years. I've fiddled around with a lot of things, so if you're a fellow cruiser, don't be alarmed. I did borrow Princess's deck nomenclature. Oh, and ED Alec is loosely based on this awesome and hilarious guy hubs and I encountered on one of our early vacations.

Other important stuff before we get started (after this, I swear I won't clog the chapter-ettes with my rambling):

1. This is an angst-free zone. It's fun, fluffy, a little smutty, and maybe… okay, yes… it's ripe with sarcastic commentary. You guys know I can't do straight romance anyway.

2. This is only about 1/3 of the way beta'd. Scooterstale (who is best first mate ever) fixed up the first bit a good while back, but then I stopped writing on it for a few months. And now, since it's all for fun and giggles anyway, I just decided I'll throw it up here, as is. Okay, fine, she's also on vacation right now ;P As such, any icebergs, sandbars, leaky toilets, randomly placed commas, and/or typos you may find, especially in the latter decks, are all on me.

Bon Voyage!

Summary: One big, white boat, one unfortunate tropical storm, a few too many bottles of booze, and two single thirty-somethings hanging out, maybe falling in love, and trying to not lose their minds amidst the endless rounds of shuffleboard and Bingo. Just a bit of fluffy summer fun to take the bite out of Old Man Winter.


"No, absolutely not. No way am I going."

"Bella, it's been eight months! Eight!"


"Precisely. So, it's time for you to actually do something."

"I do do something."

"Yeah, right. You work."

"I like working."


"Fine, I like staying busy."

"Whatever. You like not having to think about that jerk-face asshole."

"You're impossible… I'm not going. That's final."

"Yes, you are."

"Give me one good reason."

"The documents are already filled out. It's already paid for! You paid for it. Why? Oh, right. Because jerk-face asshole was a cheap jerk-face asshole."

"Al– "

"Don't even give me that. He totally forfeited any claim he had when he…"

"Left me?"

"You know what I mean. Don't even start sulking."

"I wasn't going to sulk."

"Yes, you were. You always sulk when it comes to him."

"Do not."

"Do, too. Uh, best friend here?! Trust me. I've heard it all."

"Explain again just how we're friends?"

"Because I'm awesome, and you know it. Now back to the topic."

"Fine, beyond it already being paid for, why the hell would I want to go by myself?"

"Duh! It's a vacation!"


"Plus, you need a place to stay anyway. Your house is being fumigated."


"I called the Health Department. They're coming day after tomorrow and they won't let you stay there for at least a week anyway. Okay, fine, and it's possible that they might even arrest you if you're there."

"Oh, my God!"

"Yeah, I told them that there were at least four-thousand tarantulas living in the crawl space. I said you were an arachnid hoarder."

"No! Just no way. You did not! That's complete bullshit. No way would anyone ever believe that load of crap anyway. Tarantulas don't even live here!"

"Well, Jessica believed me. Granted, she's not really that smart."

"Are you fucking serious? You told my next-door neighbor, who already thinks I'm a terrorist or something, that I collect spiders? What the fuck, Alice!"

"Yeah, she's totally sleeping with that Health Inspector guy, by the way. She was so freaked out that I don't think you could ever convince them not to come."

"Wait, Jessica's sleeping with Mike? Like idiot Mike, who only has that job because his dad is mayor?"

"Yep. So, you better start packing, B. Your flight leaves tomorrow night at eight. Jazzy said he'd drop you off on his way to the hospital. Ugh, he's back on nights again… And crap, someone's beeping in. I gotta go, okay?"

"This is so stupid."

"Well, then you can tell me all about it when you get home."

"I hate you."

"Whatever. Don't forget the aloe!"