Behold my SECOND attempt at a Fraxus story, and also at humor. I spent about ten minutes trying to write the summary, because I kept trying to make it long and detailed, but I had to shorten it drastically due to bad wording. I hope you read it anyway!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail

Freed placed his head in his hands, trying ineffectively to move past the page he was on. He tried to focus, but his concentration was slowly slipping away from him. Of course it wasn't very easy to concentrate with those IDIOTS disrupting the guild hall with their NOISE. It wasn't necessary for them to talk SO LOUDLY that Freed, who was all the way across the guild at the bar, could hear every word they were saying.

He sighed in annoyance before snapping his book shut, and focusing on his drink. 'strongest team' he thought, referring to Natsu and his group of destructive lunatics, 'if they're so strong, why don't they have the power to contain themselves?'

While Freed sat and stewed, another member of the guild caught sight of him, and made their way over.

Freed didn't notice, until a familiar blue exceed plopped down in his lap.
It took him a second to register what had happened, before he gave a startled, "H-Happy?" he quickly whipped around, expecting to see Natsu coming over to pester him or something, but he saw no one. Natsu was still over at his table, jabbering away to his heart's content. 'That's odd,' thought Freed, 'those two are always together.'

"Happy," he said again, taking in the cat's sagging shoulders, and miserable expression, "Why aren't you with Natsu?"
Happy sniffed, large eyes filled with tears, "Natsu has Lucy. He never talks to me. He doesn't even need me anymore."

LUCY. That explained it. Natsu HAD been spending an awful lot of time with the celestial spirit mage, going out on jobs together, taking walks together, going out to eat together; now that he thought about it, be hardly EVER saw Natsu and Happy interact with one another anymore.

…And it seemed like Happy was taking it pretty hard.

"Happy," he said, feeling odd trying to comfort the other, "I-I'm sure Natsu still needs you, he's just overwhelmed with his feelings for Lucy." wow that sounded better in his head,

"Maybe he's just trying to help her out because she's still new here."

"She's all he ever talks about." Happy continued, completely ignoring Freed's attempts at comfort, "And I'm the only one on the team who has a problem with it!"

"Well maybe you should just-"

"It's like I'm not even there!"

Freed scowled in irritation, "I know the feeling." But a second later, he sighed, and tried again, "Listen, Happy," he stopped to make sure he had the other's attention, "It isn't fair for Natsu to abandon you like that, but you can't get jealous over his relationship with someone else. It's not good for either of you, because he'll only get angry, and you'll only get hurt. Just let things settle down with him and Lucy, and he'll come around. Natsu isn't the kind of person to just abandon one of his friends like that, so don't even worry about it."

Happy seemed to ponder that for a moment, before leaping into the air, "I know what to do now!"

Freed smiled, a warm feeling settling in his stomach, as he realized he had just saved a friendship from shattering to pieces. He could rest easy now, knowing that he had just done such a good deed-"

"I'll get Natsu to be my friend again by making HIM jealous!"
Freed choked, "Wh-What?"

"I'll get Natsu back by telling him that I quit the team, and formed a team with you! Then he'll feel bad, and come running back to-"

"Happy," Freed's annoyed tone gave away his feelings, "That's not what I meant. Plus, I already have a team."

Happy turned to him with a sly expression so like Bickslow's, it unnerved the rune mage quite dearly.

"Maybe it'll get LAXUS'S attention too."
Freed's face turned red, and he looked away awkwardly, "What would make you think I would want that?"

"Because you liiiiiiiike him."

Freed wanted to get angry, and tell off the noisy cat for butting into his business, but… he couldn't help but think… WOULD that get the blond's attention?

"I'll do it!" Freed said, feeling excitement rush through his veins. There were no rules against this… Plus if it didn't work, the two of them could just play it off like it was a joke.

"Aye!" said Happy, "Let's have a meeting at Lucy's house!"

"Right-wait… Happy, we can't just break into someone else's house!"

"But Natsu might walk in on our meeting if I go home!"

"…Then we'll go to my house."

Happy rubbed his hands tougher deviously, "Aye."

Freed lived in a cute little white house on the outskirts of Magnolia, the front yard holding dozens of flowers, while the back contained a small gurgling pond, and a vegetable garden. The interior was neat and tidy, just as you would assume for the other's living space, but rather than being stiff and proper, it was really rather cozy inside. Upon entering, he had led Happy into the living room. There was a single table, and two chairs pushed against a large window, proudly displaying the flowers out front. Then, in the center of the room, there was a soft looking sofa with a coffee table, and a decent-sized lacrima-screen. There were dozens of pictures along the walls, and on every surface of Freed and his team, smiling together, laughing together, fighting together… it just made Happy all the more anxious to get HIS best buddy back.

"So," said Freed sitting down gently on the sofa, still maintaining his perfect posture, "Now that we are away from prying ears, what would you like to discuss?"

Happy cleared his thoughts, and leapt up to sit next to the rune mage. "Ok, the way to make Natsu jealous is simple; I just have to stop hanging around him. But Laxus will be a bit tougher."

Freed furrowed his brow, "How so?"

"Well he already ignores you anyway,"-Freed looked insulted-"So you have to pretend that ALL of your attention is on me." the way he said that made Freed lean away.

"And how will we go about doing that?"

Happy didn't even miss a beat, "By making you my servant!"

"Absololutely not! I'm not going to put myself through the humiliation of-"

"But LAXUS will notice you."

Freed faltered, before going silent. He did have a point… Laxus MIGHT notice him…

"I'll get Wendy to keep Cana away from him."

Freed 's cry of, "I'll do it!" sealed his fate.

Happy only said, "Aye!"

Ten minutes later, Freed really regretted his choice. Happy had seen it fit to change his entire OUTFIT just to fit the part. Black pants, a white dress shirt, a black vest, a black bowtie, and his regular boots (he'd refused to give them up, and for some reason, they complimented the ensemble) had him looking like a traditional waiter, and with his hair tied back, he even FELT the part. But it was still embarrassing.

"Happy, remind me again why I have to wear this?" and… why was he listening to a cat?

Happy smiled, "That's 'Happy-sama to you!" But his amusement was short lived, as a second later, he found himself snatched up by the tail, and facing a very angry rune mage, who had one eye narrowed, and the other filled with darkness.

"Now listen, HAPPY…"

Happy quickly put up his paws, (and he thought LAXUS was the scary one on the team!) "Sorry! Ok, fine, you only have to call me that at the guild!"

"I'm not calling you that at all!"

"It's for the part!"

Freed started to retort, but Happy quickly cut in.

"It's for Laxus."

Freed agreed almost immediately.

Over at Fairy Tail, however, things were a little more NORMAL (if such a word can be used to describe that guild). Natsu had finally quieted down, so the air was rather peaceful. Reedus was happily painting away to his heart's content, Cana was gulping down barrel after barrel of alcohol, Mira was greeting everyone with a smile; it looked just like the relaxing family environment that Fairy Tail was known for…

…That is until the group of the century walked in.

One moment, everything was fine… then Freed Justine strode inside, wearing some strange get-up, making him look like a fancy waiter. And if that wasn't odd enough, what he held in his hands WAS.

He had a red, velvet pillow, with golden tassels on the corners, and a smug, blue exceed resting atop it.

The speed in which the boisterous guild went silent was astonishing, as NO ONE could believe what they were seeing. Such a number of stares should have made anyone uncomfortable, but the two didn't even notice.

Freed walked inside calmly, as if there weren't anything off about the situation, and asked, with a perfectly straight face, "Where would you like to sit, Happy-sama?"
And the guild exploded.


"What happened to you Freed? Are you crazy?"

"You're serving a CAT?"

"Please tell me this is a joke!"

But Freed simply ignored them, and waited for Happy's response.

"Over there!" said the exceed, pointing to an empty table. Freed complied, taking his time to thoroughly dust the surface, and carefully arrange the pillow, before setting Happy down.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Happy-sama?"

Laxus was a bit unnerved. And confused. And angry. But mostly unnerved. He had known Freed for a long time, and liked to think of himself as a Freed expert. He could almost always tell what the other was thinking, feeling, and predict what he was going to do. But this… this threw him in for a loop. And as he was prone to motion sickness, he did NOT like loops.

"Happy-sama," he heard from across the guild, "Here's the fish you wanted."
Freed offered a plate to the exceed, only to have it pushed away.

Laxus noticed irritation flash on his rune mage's features, before his expression went blank again.

"Is there something wrong with it, Happy-sama?"

Happy sniffed, "This is bluefin! I wanted tuna!"

Freed sighed, "Yes Happy-sa-" he paused, "Wait a minute… bluefin is a TYPE of tuna!"

"Then I want Albacore!"

"Also tuna."

"Bigeye! Yellowfin! Skipjack! Little tunny!"

"Do you only know types of tuna?"

By now, Happy looked embarrassed, and appeared to be about to back down, but seconds later, he jumped to his feet, "Don't sass me! I am your master!"

"My apologies, Happy-sama. Would you like me to get you-"

"No! Forget it! I'm not hungry anymore! Get me some milk!"

Freed quickly complied, and returned with a tall glass.

Happy took one sip, and spit it out.

"This is 2%!" he cried in outage.

"Actually it's 1%…"

"Well I wanted WHOLE milk!"

"We don't have any of that here."

"Then go buy some!"

"Yes, Happy-sama."

By now, Laxus was furious, face murderous, and sparks flying off of him. 'That damn cat…' he thought. It was only his limited morals that kept him from shish-kebabbing the fur ball right now. Who the hell did he think he was, anyway? Freed was LAXUS'S servant-uh teammate… So why was that stupid exceed bossing him around?

Laxus watched the rune mage slip through the doors, and it took everything he had not to run after him, and remind him that HE was Freed's thunder god, and HE was the only one Freed should be taking orders from.

But he held himself back. He was Laxus Dreyar! He didn't go chasing after people! He would just sit back, and let this whole thing play out, and when Freed came running back, he would accept him, but only after the other did a couple of things for Laxus…

That was his plan, and Laxus had intended to keep it… But he couldn't help but feel his anger flare up as he continued to watch the two.

Freed soon returned, having gotten Happy his whole milk. Happy had taken a couple sips before deciding that he wanted juice. When Freed brought him his juice, Happy decided that he wanted bread to go with it. They only had wheat bread at the guild, and Happy had to have sourdough. So Freed, unable to find any at the local bakeries, had had to make his own. THEN Happy, unable to find anything wrong with the other's cooking, had demanded a foot (paw) rub. By now Laxus was seething. It was only the warning looks from Ever and Bickslow (who had tried and failed to talk some sense into their captain) that kept him plastered to his seat.

"Calm down, Laxus!" Evergreen hissed, trying to ignore the fact that the greenette had CLEARLY lost it, "You freaking out isn't going to solve anything!"

Laxus grumbled his agreement, but what happened next would be all it would take for the Dragon Slayer to lose what little bit of control he had.

Surprisingly, it wasn't because of something preposterous Happy had demanded of the other. It was actually when they were taking.

Freed and Happy had decided that the whole master-servant thing wasn't working (at least not how they wanted) because both Dragon Slayers were entirely too stubborn to do anything other than sit and glare. But the other two weren't going to give up, not when they had come so far to get what they wanted. So they switched to plan B.

They waited until both Natsu and Laxus were staring at then, enraged, before they put it into action.

"Happy-sama," said Freed, pausing in his brushing of Happy's fur, and making sure his voice could be heard by the other two, "You're the best team leader ever!"

He heard a chair scrape the ground.


Another chair.

Then suddenly, a Laxus shaped shadow fell over him.

"Freed…" the blond said, so dangerously that it made the other freeze in place.

"Happy…" said another voice, triggering the same effect.

The rune mage and the exceed stayed completely still, until Happy was snatched by his backpack and hauled off with Natsu, and Freed found himself grabbed by the arm, and drug to the door.


"MINE." was all the other said, turning Freed's face a lovely shade of red.

When the two were out of sight, and Happy was once again at his table with Natsu, Cana and Mira shared a giggle.

"Those Dragon Slayer and their jealousy…" said Cana.

Mira laughed again, and stared in the direction of a certain blue cat. "Those exceeds and their twisted ideas of revenge…"