Introductory A/N
I started this story a long time ago; like 7 years a long time. I let it die not knowing where I wanted to take it. Recently, because it's 2020 and everything in quarantined or something like that, I looked it over again, and started to fix it up. So this is me, restarting it, because I enjoyed writing it so much then, and I need something to occupy my mind- else I might really die.
Let me know what you think, review if you please, and know that the whole thing is written, so as long as I remember, I will update fairly regularly.
Here goes 7 years of bouncing ideas.

Alice POV

The pain in my body rattled, beating against my brain, breaking me from the inside out. I tried to block it out; to remind myself that it was literally only in my head. That didn't work. It did however succeed in making the reality of my circumstance seem much more present. It had been going on for so long I was starting to lose track of time. There wasn't value in it anyway. By the research I had done prior to leaving I only had a few more months at best until my vampire body gave out.

Carlisle helped me figure that one out. I am forever thankful he didn't press on just a few months longer in his initial attempts to end his life. Because as we found in various case studies over the years that would have led to his miserable end.

I heard her trill little laugh ring out, as I finally screamed, aching, burning for someone to come save me, but knowing they wouldn't. They couldn't. They didn't even know I was here. She kept whispering threats at me, stringing together false tales of how they killed my family and how everything I love had been destroyed. That, combined with the strain on my mind from being tortured, created a pain in my heart so deep I'd wished I was dead. Only a little longer.

Aro trapped me in Volterra, held me prisoner until I agreed to become part of the Volturi. He wrote to me, saying that he was going to kill Jasper if I did not visit.I responded by coming. I had some semblance of a plan when I first left, but I was never able to factor every decision. And I was wrong. He held me captive until I agreed to remain with them forever. I knew it was a promise I could never keep so I told them they could keep me prisoner, I would stay with them as long as they didn't harm the Cullens. I still don't understand why Aro complied. I let Jane torture me day by day, it wasn't too bad in the beginning. But they were starving me too. And I couldn't go on much longer without any food. I was repeatedly offered human blood, but always refused to drink it, no matter how strong the temptations were. And shit, they were strong.

It had been three months since they took me from my family. Three months since I last saw Jasper. Three months since my last hunt. And I was starting to go a little crazy. The effects of the torture and the hunger were starting to destroy me from the inside out. This I had planned for; although I was not able to plan for how severe the pain truly was. I ached. As if I was a human, and had the flu. Everything was sore and burning. My whole body was constantly trembling and shaking, and no matter what I could not keep myself still. A new side effect was what I have come to call passing out. In all my research on the slow ending of vampires that never occurred, but I knew it was happening. Long periods of time were gone from my memories. I would wake up in a room with no idea how I got there. I would pass out next to Jane and come to next to Caius. It was unsettling, and not a good defense tactic. My visions had entirely stopped. Which terrified me. I had no idea how anyone was faring with my absence. I made sure to leave them without a trace, and could only hope that Jasper still had hope that I was alive, and was still with our family, even though I was not.

I barely made it conscious to the end of Jane's session with me. I felt the pain subside, and felt my own resolve to stay awake weakening. She spat harsh words at me before closing the door. I tried to call out, but I think I screamed instead.

I opened my eyes slowly, feeling slowly coming back to me as I registered that I was still on the ground curled up. I heard the door open and turned to See Aro standing waiting for me. I was regaining sight when he said my name. I squeezed my eyes shut really tight hoping I could block him out. I didn't work. He walked over to me, gently lifting me to my feet. It was odd the way he handled me; he was never harsh or cruel, and it was something I always noticed and never understood. I was openly defying him. And although he knew that I was going to cease to exist soon, he wasn't treating me with the same contempt as his coven.

"Alice. We have a new friend we would like you to meet." I knew refusal to go on my part would be futile, so I made a pitiful attempt to stand to my feet. As my legs collapsed beneath me Aro swept to my side to stop me from falling. I heard the quick suck of his teeth as he took in my state. "Alice, dear please, don't let us waste your talent like this. You have so much-"

"Aro please." I begged him, my voice a whimper that I couldn't give any volume to. It seemed the only time I could actually project was when I was screaming. Thankfully he didn't press the issue.

He carried me to a large dining room, reminiscent of medieval times. Giant oak wood tables filled it, with candles and a chandelier lighting the room. Everyone was there at the end of one of the tables: the guards and the wives. I took in all their faces testing my cognizance my going through their names. Going down the rows I knew them all. Caius, Marcus, Jane, Alec. Then one more.

He was a younger vampire like me, appearance wise. He looked 20 maybe 22, and had a very strong build. Short, blonde hair sat on the top of his head. Instantly a picture of Jasper filled my mind, even though their hair was the only similarity. He actually looked more like James than Jasper. His eyes were red, which didn't surprise me, and I imagined he would be tall, but not as tall as Jasper, maybe Edward's height. The way he looked at me reminded me of a mixture between Rosalie's resting face and Esme's compassionate one. I couldn't tell if he wanted to kill me or wrap me up in a blanket and send me home.

It took me a second before I realized I knew him. His name was in my head before anyone even told it to me. But I had no idea why he was such a familiar face to me. It was odd really. But I spoke his name anyway, wanting him to know that I recognized him, since you could tell from his face that he obviously recognized me.

"Michael." It was kind of a breath, as if I didn't actually say it; yet he smiled.

"It's been a long time Mary-Alice." His joyful face spread, which caused century old memories to flood back as if someone broke a dam.

Mary-Alice! Come on! Now! Quickly!' I was in my hospital gown, Michael was leading from a dark space, out of the building. I took one chance to look back before he was running with me, on his back, holding on tighter than ever before. Shaking with the fear. This man was saving me from my death. But I had no idea where he was taking me, or why it had to be so dark. He brought me into a dark cave, and looked at me, smiling hugely. 'We did it baby.' His words shocked me, and I looked at him blankly. 'Mary, we are free, they can't hurt you anymore. ' he grabbed my hands up in his, I stayed silent, not knowing if this was part of some new therapy technique. His head shot up and I was sure he was working for my father. He was going to shoot me. 'stay here.' He ordered, and ran outside to check something. I did, I didn't have anywhere else to go. I tucked my legs underneath me and began to fiddle with my short spiky hair. Michael came back in a panic, he ran right up to me, and planted a huge kiss on my lips. I fell in love with him right there. I was willing to do anything he wanted me to, then he kissed my neck, and I think I said something. Because it hurt. Really bad. It was hurting. I pushed him to stop, but he wouldn't, I started to cry, hoping that would get his attention. I wanted to love him. I wanted him to be able to love me. He ran away from me then, and even though I realized that he was on my father's side, that he had just killed me, I still felt his spell lingering on my burning heart.

He looked at me and smiled, seemingly having understood the nature of my vision. Even though I didn't. And there was no way he could have seen it.

"You-you changed me…" I hadn't seen a vision in months, was it even a vision if it was from the past? I realized at some point that Aro had set me down, yet his hand were lingering on my shoulders. I imagined both to keep me from falling and to have immediate access to my thoughts as they were coming.

"I've missed you." He moved to touch me, I jerked back, colliding with Aro, quickly losing my balance on my weak legs and falling to the ground.

"Back off." I warned, not worrying about who he was to these people around me. He looked offended. "I know you have some sort of power." I explained, as he tried to move closer. There was no way for me to know this other than that he was sitting at the table with the Volturi, but something in me knew that I couldn't let him touch me. I wouldn't have control if I did that.

"Like an empath." He said gently, trying to maintain eye contact with me, crouching on the ground so he was level with my eyes. He probably didn't even realize he was comparing himself to Jasper, but the connection grew my hatred for him tenfold.

"I don't care what you do. Stay away from me!" He was slowly moving closer to me as I crawled across the floor away from him. I knew this burst of energy wouldn't last long, but I had to try everything to keep him away.

He looked at Jane, shocked. "Mary-Alice-"

I cut him off "I'm Alice now, thank you." His eyes sparked, and for the first time since seeing him he looked angry at me. Jane gave him one nod and in swift motion he was standing over me, grabbing at me wrists. I gasped and jerked my hand away, hissing at him, feeling the tips of his fingers graze my skin, he pulled back faster than me.

He raised his eyebrows at Aro. "You love someone very much. I didn't realize…" He looked at me with clear confusion in his eyes. He turned back to Alec who raised one eyebrow and nodded at me. Michael turned back and looked at me, I could see the pain in his eyes as he sized me up, looking hurt and sad and so pained. I knew in any other circumstance I would be begging Jasper to let me help him. But I had to stay away.

I didn't have time to react as my visions were gone, so when he pounced toward me all I could do was scream. I could feel him putting his whole body into getting me to submit to him. But I kept reliving every good moment with Jasper, and the only thing I began to feel for Michael was a stronger sense of hatred, at first.

But soon that began to fade. I felt my hate turning to something else. His hands slid under my dress, and he pulled my body closer to his, weak and confused I didn't react quick enough. I felt him push himself closer to me as his hand traced lines all over my body in ways that felt so different from anything I'd ever felt before. As if my body was acting on its own will I felt a breathy moan slip between my lips as Michael slid his own shirt up and over his head. I felt his bare chest with my eyes closed, my mind only thinking about him. He kissed me tenderly and softly, I moaned again.

"Baby girl isn't this perfect?" He asked his voice husky and smooth. I giggled, which hurt my face because I hadn't smiled in months, nodding against him, unsure where all my new energy came from. "Don't you want this forever?" He asked, sliding my arms out of the tunic they had given me to wear and pulling the dress over my head. I vaguely remembered that the Volturi were all somewhere close by and didn't want to be fully exposed to them, but it was like every time I tried to open my eyes and pull away he would distract me.

"You want me forever?" I asked him, forgetting what he said as I swung my bare legs around him and held on.

"I want you to stay with me forever." He said again, as I ran my hands over his chest another time. It was so smooth. He was so smooth.

Jasper's scars didn't feel like that.

The single thought of Jasper snapped my head back into action so fast I don't even remember what happened. All I knew was that when I finally opened my eyes one of the tables was broken and Michael was on the other side of the room. Alec subdued me before I even had time to look for my dress, and when he finally gave me sight again I was back in my cell alone with Jane, entirely naked. My punishment was two hours long, and if we ever got tired, Jane would have passed out for how long she was focusing on me. By minute 28 I wished I could pass out. By minute 96 I swore I was dying, by minute 116 I asked to be dying, and by minute 120 I was shaking so hard it looked as if an earthquake were passing through. I had to try to get home. I didn't want to die here anymore.

Please let me know what you think if you read- I'll post anyway.
Much love,
Bea