Disclaimer: This is a fan written work based on the works of J.K. Rowling. It might possibly also have some elements of a number of other works. There is no money being made from this, it is merely a work meant for the entertainment of myself and the masses. This is merely for fun, and no profit. I repeat: I am not making any money out of writing this.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note 1: AU.

Note 2: You can consider this as a response to a challenge, and thus is dedicated to the one that presented the idea to me: TheWrittenSorcerer.

The Challenge: Dumbledore is secretly a cannibal lemon drop.

Note 3: Before reading this one must be somewhat knowledgeable about my OCs, for they are mentioned below, as well as one of the main characters of "New Folder".



The Lemon Drop






No one is perfect, even the gods, and so it is entirely possible that during one of the inter-dimensional Halloween parties held in one of the homes of the higher powers, powers that be, or whatever else one might want to call them, that one such Being would have an accident of sorts. That one such Being might spark something new and yet unintended even by he who had caused this phenomenon.

It was bound to happen, seeing as they were all sloshed out of their minds, and about as grounded as a bunch of ADHD 10 year olds on a candy corn diet. Mixing drinks is one thing, but mixing drinks with gummy candy is another thing entirely, especially when one of THEM decides to lower the requirements for the lot of them, and they were quite a lot of them at the party, to get unbelievably cronked.

Tickling the nose of one that made Merlin look like a single celled organism by comparison was surely to get a laugh out of the party goers as something unheard of might happen should he sneeze, and sneeze he did. All sorts of magical things did happen, from snot flying that morphed into animals made out of bubbles that burst into clouds of methane that exploded into cotton candy upon contact with skin, to coconuts dancing in a conga line while singing "Under the Sea".

He did accidentally puke his guts out, which would normally be a rather disgusting event to witness, had it not been for the fact this guts had turned into all sorts of random toys, leftovers from a previous year's Christmas party prank.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that, mostly magical spittle, flew and landed on some lemon drops.

The combination of all the energies flying about and intoxicating the air around so many powerful Beings was sure to have some sort of effect on things. Wonderland and Wonka's factory were just the tip of the iceberg of the realm of possibilities for this event and the consequences of having a gobbered and in out of his mind Magic Himself.

A single lemon drop coming alive and retaining that sentience was just one of the things that one might have a sliver of having expected to have happened during the party and aftermath of things.

Leaving portals to uncharted worlds was a normal thing, as far as Crius Crossworld was concerned, he did manage the crossworlds, the joining of realms, and all that. He also so did enjoy adding something new into the mix, even though he wasn't entirely aware or simply chose not to be aware of what those things might quite possibly be.

A tumbling piece of yellow candy went amiss as it fell through one such portal.

It landed in a mixed batch of lemon drops and sherbet lemons, two different yet similar sweets. They were being carried around by a child that did not know any better, having asked his parents for the hybrid mixture.

The child ate piece after piece, while the sentient yellow confection looked on with unseen eyes as each of its lifeless companions were devoured by this galactic entity. It did not know, or could not know that its companions were more lifeless than it, that they were just as it had been back before Magic had sneezed and caused the chain of events that gave it life.

Sheer terror gripped it to its very sour tasting core as the child, this human child that hummed of a power that was similar to that which granted the piece of sour goodness its life, took it out of the paper pouch it had been in. It was the last piece, the last sweet, and the child showered affection on it before gobbling it down, and almost choking on it as it fell into its throat.

Fight or flight instincts were not originally ingrained in this living sweet's core, but it knew, from the short time that it had been given life, that it must survive, that there was still more to life that it had to experience, that and there were his countless brothers and sisters that it had to avenge. The senseless slaughter of so many innocent sweets was not something that such a sweet itself could let pass.

It had to act, somehow and in some way it had to survive. It desperately clung to life, to that energy that bubbled and boiled within its yellow shell. Its intent and need were great, so great, that this energy reacted. It responded to the sweet's call.

It lashed out at the thing that had devoured the lemon drop's kin.

The candy shot back up, attempting to escape from within the acidic insides of the beast that had swallowed it whole. It got stuck though and thus its magic, for that was obviously what the inner energy was, decided to lash out against the bindings that kept its master from escaping death. It blasted its way through the slimy walls and slammed against the protective magic of the beast.

On the outside, the boy, for the child was a boy, looked to have eaten far too many sour sweets, had indigestion and then his parents began to panic just a little bit as he began to turn blue due to lack of air getting in.

His parents were magical of course, and so when they felt a magical build up within their son, they knew to erect protective barriers around them that would keep not only their family safe, but the secret of their uniqueness from leaking out to the rest of the world.

This explosion of magical force was like the bell that rung in the end of round in a boxing match. It was like an announcer declaring that there was a winner. Winner by knockout, or so it appeared, for the boy was knocked out.

Inside, the lemon drop's form had crumbled into nothingness, while its essence and its magic lived on.

It was like some weird kind of parasite, one which ravaged the boy's insides, corrupting the boy from the inside out, attacking and conquering cells, one at a time, but in an exponentially quickening rate as the seconds ticked by. The sweet's magic had won in the conflict, for the sweet was more aware of its imminent demise than the child was.

The look of confused comprehension confused the boy's parents, they called for a healer immediately as they were not experienced enough to be able to tell what was wrong with their child.

The healer came post haste, and ran all sorts of diagnostic spells all over the child. The results were a bit baffling as the circumstances that lead to the present condition of the child were not something that were normally connected to one another.

The child was suffering from what the healer believed to be amnesia, there was no concussion, but generally choking on the sweet that he so loved. His magic had been the one to cause it to be dislodged or dissolved while within the throat of the child, based on the residue left in said throat. So the healer could not figure out how such a thing could have led to full blown amnesia.

The boys parents thought it a cruel twist of fate, and vowed to keep him away from such concoctions for as long as they both should live, so that nothing of the sort might happen again. The healer agreed with them.

The truth of the matter was that the lemon drop had switched places with the boy, the boy had been the one to disintegrate, losing all attachments to the land of the living by his magic losing the battle with the magic of a mere sentient sweet.

The sweet's instincts for survival were still very much present within its new shell. It knew that it could not afford to let these beasts, these monsters become aware that it was no longer their son that inhabited the body that was before them.

It might have been able to avenge his brothers and sisters, destroying the beast, but in doing so he had become the beast. He now had to find a way to return to what he had once been, return to the form of his people.

So he bided his time, gaining strength from what he ate until he was told exactly what he was eating. Meat. He refused to believe his parents when they said that the meat belonged to creature that was placed in the world to be food for humans, such a distasteful word to use as it was what the form he was stuck in was called.

He was infuriated with these people, who gave them the right to chose who and what lived or died. Not only did they devour helpless and innocent candy, he found out that that was what his former form was categorized as, but they also ate other larger sentient life.

He theorized that it was by this consumption that they gained more life, more energy, and more intelligence. The fact that they slaughtered countless numbers of these other sentient life was what he believed to be the reason why they did not revolt, why they did not fight back.

So he decided that other than getting back to being what he had once been, he decided that he would one day, when he was no longer under the power of these parents of his, he would renounce the consumption of meat.

Plants were not sentient in his mind, they did not do anything. They did not have sentience like he did, they were merely put in the world to provide food, real food, real nutrition for even those that were slaughtered took these generally green things into themselves. They were not brought into the world the same as any human, animal, or candy. He had seen his mother, or what his mother would have looked like, she gave birth to him in one of those factories, or what he decided to view as some sort of concentration camp or breeding center. The mothers must have been kept in those large vats, those machines that the humans created to make sure that they did not escape.

The meat eaters, he believed to have been corrupted by the humans, or were forced into doing such things for entertainment for the entertainment of those same humans.

He did not like the world, and how oppressed it was by these rulers of the world that wore the skins of those that were under their rule.

He knew that he needed to know a lot more about the world as a whole before he could even think of going on a campaign to free those that were trodden on by the humans from their captivity, from their enslavement, from the world that they now lived in and apparently accepted. He would also need more powers to make sure that he was not put down or placed into those prisons where others that were of the same mind as he were placed. He actually believed that perhaps some of them, those criminals, were like him, other peoples trapped in the shells of these monsters after somehow managing to survive a fight for their lives with their magic being the weapon or tool used to continue their existence.

While he could use the support, the aid, he knew he would not be able to do anything from behind bars. He needed the freedom that he was given for being a law abiding citizen of both the hidden world that had magic and the world of those that did not believe that it existed.

The world was confusing like that, not that it really mattered to him in his greater scheme of things.

When he was not trying to find ways to get himself back to his natural form, or ways to eradicate the problem that was the humans, he tried educating some of them, like his body's siblings, he got them to think like him, to leave behind and wish for the continued consumption of meat. Which had some interesting consequences like Aberforth finding out that he was really a magical goat that had managed to best the human that had tried to devour him in the same manner that Albus was a sweet that had managed to switch places with the monster that had eaten so many of his brothers and sisters in sugar.

Yes, he shared with his siblings what he knew himself to be. They he could trust.

Albus, for that was the name of the body that he inhabited had been given at birth, knew without a shadow of a doubt hat Arianna was not like her brothers, she was human, and the most innocent human to walk the face of the world, or so he believed. He and his brother had managed to convince their father, their mother had perished due to complications during Arianna's birth, to give up meat entirely and convert to being a vegetarian like they themselves were, and so Arianna was raised with plants as her diet.

It wasn't only his siblings that he shared his secret with, he also met a young man, another somewhat like Arianna, one that wanted to change the world, make it a better place. The young man spoke of a world of equality that no matter who and what one was, they would all be viewed as equals. Even sweets, the young man had said cheerfully during one of their conversations.

For a few years he had abandoned his quest of returning to his original form, all because of this one young man. Then tragedy struck in the form of Arianna being attacked by some regular humans, their father being locked up for punishing the ones that had been responsible for harming the girl. Then even more grave a crime had been committed when a fight broke out between Albus and Gellert, which resulted in the accidental and unintentional death of the girl, a blow that Albus and Aberforth were nearly unable to recover from.

Gellert ran away, unable to deal with that which had been done. Aberforth decided to move away from the place that he had called home and live a life with his goats while starting up a pub, a front for the resistance that he decided to form and informed his brother of his plans. Albus on the other hand decided that it was time to seek even more knowledge elsewhere. So he studied and performed all sorts of magical deeds and feats until he gained the attention of one Nicholas Flamel who took him under his wing and taught him quite a lot.

There came a time, during his apprenticeship, to the old human who was just as much a vegetarian as he was, that he was told that if he wanted to regain his original form, he had shared his secret with the old human after the man gained his trust, he would have to gain even more of his original magic, his original power. He needed more of it to combat and eventually reject the form that he was trapped in.

This led to the revelation that not all lemon drops and sherbet lemons were like him, some were stillborn, brought into the world with the life sucked right out of them. He also discovered that the life expectancy of sweets was shorter than a human's, it was something that the humans had come up with to keep control over the candies.

Flamel decided to educate his apprentice in the fine art of devouring others for more knowledge. The old man revealing a secret of his own, the truth behind his famed Philosopher's Stone. It was believed that the stone could turn regular water into an elixir that extended one's life. That was true.

But what else was true was that one had to also use it on human flesh to create a kind of soup, mixed in with the elixir of life, that needed to also be consumed to revitalize the body. In short, a true user of the Stone was a cannibal.

But the old man didn't devour just about any human, just the ones that were on death's door, those that longed for release or escape from this world and this life. Even more especially those that would not be missed, that could vanish and no one would bat an eye.

This was the real secret to the man's seeming immortality.

He also claimed that it was through this process that he remained or reminded himself that he was human.

Therefore, if Albus wanted to become a candy once again, he had to devour his own kind until such a time that his magic finally won in its still continuing struggle against the remaining magic of the human that had been Albus Dumbledore before the lemon drop had taken control, had taken over, won in the little war all those years ago.

Albus was horrified at the thought at first until the much older man convinced him that he would be doing those other sweets a service by ending their lives instead of having to continue living in cramped packages or wrappers, or displayed in shop windows or on shelves. Candies were the most humiliated out of all creature or people.

The old man won him over, got him to eat candies again, when he'd asked, "What would you prefer, to die by your own kind's mercy or by being devoured by your enemy?"

Albus didn't think about the possibility that perhaps the old man just wanted to humor him when it came to his truth that he had once been a lemon drop. That possibility never entered his mind since he had witnessed the old man eat a human stew, his wife joining him in on the practice as well since she did not want to wither away and die or continue being immortal but with a very weak body.

So he ate sweets, his favorites being sherbet lemons and lemon drops due to wanting to gain as much power from them since that was the form that he had originally had and wanted to return to. He ate the others as a mercy for them. He only ate the ones that the factories rejected, and the ones that were near their expiration dates.

After leaving Flamel, after feeling far too restrained, he went off on adventures, going so far as to liberate sweet concentration camps, and eventually joining in a war that Gellert was in the thick of things, leading the charge for the magical side of things, and also actively exterminating human and sweet alike.

Gellert had managed to convince Albus to fight him, by coming up with an elaborate tale about how he had trapped the souls of sweets in human bodies, and were killing them in an even more grotesque way. He was killing two birds with one stone, sweets and humans. He had claimed to have seen the light when Arianna had died, there was just something about ending lives that made him feel even more alive.

He was convinced of Albus' old way of thinking, of ending the threat of humans was for the best, but had wanted to go a step further than Albus was willing to, making sure that even the liberated knew their place in the world, knew who it was that had the power to free them. So he went after the sweets as well, forcing many prisoners to eat sweets before their time was up.

It was during this battle that Albus Dumbledore got to flex his magical muscles and show the humans just how powerful he was, for Gellert was powerful and feared by the magical world, and how much more powerful he was than his former friend and companion.

After the battle, he had gained a reputation, an image. He also became somewhat untouchable, so long as he continued to keep up the image that he was a warrior of the light and a human.

He needed to keep up the charade that was that image, he needed to continue acting the way that people believed he should and would act, all in order to keep the humans in the dark about his quest, his true quest of not only returning to his original form, but also his quest of either ridding the world of humans or making all sentience life equal in one another's eyes, or close enough that.

He also wanted the world to view candies as the living things, the people that they actually were. But of course the first time he'd broached that subject with Minerva McGonagall, he'd been more than laughed at, but was thought of as being even more barmy. But he had retained the respect of the woman.

It was common belief that powerful men had their quirks, Albus Dumbledore's was that he was crazy. He wore the most audacious of robes, and ate all sorts of sweets, it was a miracle that the man's teeth hadn't all fallen out, the wonders of magic most supposed.


Years later, he finally got his wish to return to being a lemon drop.

A killing curse to his human shell was all it had taken to kill of the human magic that tied him to his human body, it ejected his spirit. His spirit form, while in the transitioning stage between life and death managed to be subconsciously and automatically made to summon through space and time his old body, reconstructing it in a flash for him to once again inhabit.

The sad thing was that his candy form's expiration date had already passed, and so he went on to experience the next great adventure. He died in that body, and was happy, more or less.

But unluckily for him that next great adventure was cut short as he became a snack for the End and the Void.