Title: Losing Grip

Rating: T

Summary: What if Amira had done as Syed asked and had never returned to Walford?

Disclaimer: I don't own Syed or Christian. All recognizable characters are property of EastEnders and the BBC.

I've recently been watching the old Chryed clips from the beginning, and this idea just came to me. What would life have been like for Chryed if Amira had never returned to Walford after learning that Syed was broke and leaving him? Still going to include some of the big Chryed moments, but will obviously lack all trace of Amira. All from Syed POV.

June 9 2009

What did I do?!

Why did I tell Amira not to bother coming back? She's the best thing that's ever happened to me! Girls like her, they're not that easy to find. Maybe I was just in it for myself, in it for the money, to begin with, but now...now I sort of loved her.

I mean, I don't think I've ever been in love. Not properly, anyway. I've had girlfriends, sure. And I suppose I may have even loved a couple of them. But being in love? I mean, how do you know, anyway? It's not like in the films and stuff; your eyes don't meet across a crowded room and you just know. Do you? Amira and I, we had a laugh. I liked spending time with her, making her happy. She made me feel good about myself. But does that mean that I'm in love?

Maybe I was just in love with the idea of her. Maybe the idea that she seemed to want me, when she could have anyone she wanted, was what attracted me to her so much. Not to mention the money...

There was no denying that she was beautiful. Anyone could see that. She was kind, funny, intelligent. A good Muslim girl with good Muslim values. But she'd insulted me, disrespected my family. And although I couldn't exactly blame her, given what I'd done to her, I still couldn't forgive her either. Mum was right. She was a snob.

I checked my watch. It was almost 2. Mum's delivery should be here any minute. Right on cue, the doorbell rings, and as I push myself up from the sofa, I resolve to get over Amira, and move on with my life.

I know this chapter was short, but I really couldn't face writing anymore of Syed pining for Amira!