Things changed as the years went by. Time that should have, would have, could have been spent beside Celena, gossiping about handsome men and wearing pretty gowns and dreaming of brave knights, and all the things beautiful young noblewomen should be doing, that you were meant to have done, never did happen. Instead Dilandau (not Celena, never gentle, kind, so, so beautiful Celena) rose in rank in a military that wanted nothing to do with you. You were there to keep their new toy somewhat sane (as sane as a monster could be), even if it cost your sanity in the end. They kept you locked up, away from the rest, only ever visited by Jajuka or Dilandau (and sometimes that man with light hair and the purple teardrop on his cheek, but you were never to speak about him especially not to Dilandau - nevereverever).

Privileges at first were sparsely given and freely taken, it was only after you stopped screaming and crying that they allowed Jajuka to gift you a bookcase, and only after your (stupid, stupid) escape attempts long ended that they allowed you to keep your books. But there was only so much to read, and so much that was blacked out from the pages of each book (an entire tome blacked out save a single chapter, Jajuka nearly cried when you jumped for joy at having something to do for the next hour or two). When Jajuka visited he brought books, always more books.

When the man with the purple teardrop visited he never brought anything - not after the first time. The first time he sought you out intentionally (he learned about you not because anyone told him you existed, but to find where the dresses and pretty things picked up here and there were being brought to - he asked if you were Jajuka's mistress...then if you were Dilandau's. He never could deal well with a crying woman.), he brought you flowers for your table. The second time he visited, the flowers lay dying on the floor and he (so carefully, as if you actually mattered) helped you pry the shards of glass from the vase out of your skin. He never brought another gift, but he continued to ease the wounds.

When Dilandau visited, he always brought pain. Mostly emotionally and mentally, sometimes physically (He yelled and screamed and the sound of the vase smashing against the wall - glass shards piercing your flesh leaving yet another scar). Every visit was a reminder that Celena was gonegonegone and nevereverever coming back. When he was happy, he boasted about the people he had killed, the fear and screams and cries of the weak and defenceless (the people Celena wanted to protect the most). You learned with time to bite back the bile rising in your throat, if you flinched he became angry and anger never helped. If he stayed happy, he would hold you against himself, telling you to look into your mirror and how one day he would shower you in jewels and gowns and everything you deserved (but only after everyone else in the world was deaddeaddead). And as soon as he'd leave you'd find yourself retching in the bathroom, shaking and shivering with hate and fear and disgust.

Other times he was angry (angry enough to punch, kick, slap, throw - Celena would never) and anger meant pain and physical pain was better than emotional because physical pain would, could, heal (and the man with the purple tear would visit, and everything would be alright if only for a moment). Anger meant torn dresses and burned books and cold metal pressed against your throat - but he never broke you, not completely (what good is a broken toy?). And when he left, he left you curled in on yourself Tears dried up and gone, but at least if he took the anger out on you then perhaps he wouldn't take it out on a village below filled with innocent lives.

You and Celena should've been gossiping about handsome men, and wearing pretty dresses and dreaming about brave knights, and all the other things a young beautiful noblewoman should be doing. But that was not how this world, your world, worked. But Celena was (wasn't) Dilandau, and Dilandau was nothing but pain.