Hello there! I present to you my second story on this site! Are you excited mon pallies? I know I am:)
Disclaimer: I don't own Josh, Libby etc or the world they appear in. That all belongs to Louise Rennison, the lucky thing;P
Return Of Gingey
Tuesday December 31
New Years Eve
Sat on sofa with creepy Cousin James
I hate New Years Eve. Every single year my so-called 'family' insists we have a 'lovely get-together', which basically means piling all of my nutty relatives in the same room, dancing to their sad music and getting shamelessly drunk.
"So, Libby, how old are you now?" My vair elderly cousin James asks smiling creepily at me. I think he fancies me. Which is v. v. scary as I'm only 14, on the brink of womanhood, and he is probably well on his way to getting an OAP card. "14? Wow, well you sure have grown since last year." I should be calling social services over this; it's totally incestuous! Though I wont, because he is right, I've grown A LOT. I wear a bra and everything now. Though it's normal-sized, unlike Georgia's or Mutti's. THEIR bras are so massive they could probably use them to carry their shopping.
Or as slings…That's actually not a terrible idea thinking about it…
Half an hour later
Finally got rid of cousin James. Mutti forced me to do the Macarena with Grandvati. It really doesn't bare thinking about.
Two seconds later
Though he is surprisingly flexible…
Half a second later
Oh great, now I am going to need therapy in order to recover my sanity.
This is it! I'm calling ChildLine! Vati and Uncle Eddie have offered me alcohol! If I become a drug wielding manic (and I admit to being rather manic in the first place) then it will be entirely THEIR fault!
5 minutes later
This Champagne stuff tastes truly vile. Feel quite sophisticated though, perched on the sofa with my drink.
On my third glass, if I gulp it down REALLY REALLY quickly then I can't even tell how awful it tastes.
Two minutes later
I'm drunk! I tried to leap of the sofa when Georgia's boyfriend Dave plopped down next to me, (I think I was rightfully terrified! I'm just minding my own business one second, the next I'm being eclipsed by Dave The Laugh's bottom!) And ended up falling over. It was ok though because I fell sideways onto his lap. He laughed at me, sitting me back down properly,
"Easy tiger, I think I might have to confiscate that drink." He smiled at me…Cor…He has quite a nice crinkly smile. Even for an oldie.
5 seconds later
Gasp! I grudgingly gave him my drink, (as I was a bit dizzy) and then he WINKED at me AND CHUGGED DOWN THE REST OF THE GLASS! Honestly, is anyone here even the slightest bit responsible?
2 seconds later
Grandvati's girlfriend (who truly IS an oldie) has just started dancing on the dining table…I'm going to take that as a definite no.
Dave is staring quite intensely at Gingey, who is dancing with cousin James.
"That James a bit odd isn't he? A bit of a…" He trailed off, searching for the right word.
"…Massive pervert?" I offered v. v. helpfully, if I do say so myself.
"Yes. Yes he does give that impression." He agreed. I see why he got nicknamed Dave The Laugh. It's because he's very much a, well, laugh.
"You are the Laughvati," I observed, probably because I'm a bit tipsy. Luckily, he laughed it off (don't know why I'm surprised really…) and linked arms with me,
"And you are my Laugh in arms, Libs." He told me. Which made me go a bit smiley and jelliod if I'm honest. Only a teensy bit though.
10 seconds till midnight…
Everyone cheered and jumped up and down and started hugging each other. Dave suddenly lifted Gee and I up in a massive bear hug, which was quite funny. I'm starting to feel a bit weepy actually… It's been yonks since the whole family's been together… I may never tell anyone this, but I've really missed Gee since she moved in with Dave…
Half a bloody second later
Oh lord Sandra they have started sucking face. Urgh. Straight to number 6 as well! Well, they are certainly not wasting any time.
30 seconds later
Oh goody they have stopped now. Mutti has stepped onto the table (after helping granddads girlfriend down)…at least she's stopped balancing the pretzel bowl on her basoomas, (a v.v. funny party trick… Not.)
"I have an announcement to make!" She told us all, before motioning for Georgia to join her on the table "Georgia and her boyfriend Dave have some magical news for us…"
Wednesday January 1st
Lying In my lovely bed, for possibly the last time ever
Hate the world.
Georgia has a bun in the oven.
There is a mini-Laugh on the way.
She's bloody preggers you daft things!
But that isn't the worst of it; because they don't have enough squids to keep renting there grotty flat and look after a baby, Gingey and Dave are moving in…
And she wants my room back.
5 minutes later
This is so unfair! How come I have to move back into my old room? It's tiny!
2 minutes later
And orange. Apparently I had quite strange taste as a child…
4 minutes later
Oh lord Sandra and Gordy's gammy right eyeball! Dave the L was supposed to be sleeping on the sofa downstairs, but I just heard him sneaking into the spare room with Gee! Blergh! Blergh! Blergh!
1 minute later
Oh Jesus that's disgusting.
1 second later
Something horrific beyond belief has just occurred to me!
-If Gee is knocked up that means her and Dave have REACHED NO.10 ON THE SNOGGING SCALE!
3 seconds later
I'm sorry; this is too much for me. That is the last straw. I'm going to be forced to join a nunnery, or at least go live with Josh. Of course, his Mutti will not be very happy, she hates me because apparently I gave Josh a Mohican and wrote BUM on his forehead when I was five. Which was YONKS ago for Lord Sandra's sake.
Half a second later
Quite frankly I'm impressed I could spell bum at the age of five. But of course, nobody else appreciates my talents.
And there it is, Chapter 1! Tell me what you all think:) I'm sorry if some of the facts are wrong I haven't read the Gee Nics series in a SHAMEFULLY long time… Toodle-pip and hats off to you my little friendlets!