Episode VI and Seven Eighths

Part 1

Author's Note:

Here we go again! This is a lampoon of the third (or is it the sixth?) Star Wars movie, "Return of the Jedi". Once again, Tezuka's star system characters take the place of the ones in the movie. Bender is back from Futurama as 3PO.


Hanging in space above the forest moon Elmo, the half completed Imperial battle station looked like a skeleton framework. One hemisphere of the deadly sphere was fully completed, this was the portion with the deflector dish of the shock wave laser that could take out an entire planet with one blast. The other hemisphere of the Death Star was just a matrix of girders exposing the core of the station to space.

Darth Shadow's shuttle craft left the battle cruiser and glided over toward the landing bay of the Death Star. The ship slowly folded its wings in an upward position as it gently set down on the landing pad. The garrison of storm troopers stood at attention as Lord Shadow walked down the gang plank of the ship to the deck floor of the station. The station commander saluted Shadow, who quickly walked past the line of troopers. The station commander followed him.

"The Emperor isn't very pleased with the speed of construction of this station." Shadow said.

"I can assure you, Lord Shadow, that we will meet the deadline for the activation of this battle station." the commander replied.

"The Emperor and I do not share your optimism. You will have to double your efforts." Shadow warned him.

"The Emperor asks too much!" the command complained. "I need more men to complete the task."

"You can direct your complaints to the Emperor in person when he arrives." Shadow replied.

"You mean the Emperor is coming here?" the command quavered.

"He will be here in a few day's time." Shadow answered.

"We will see to it that he isn't disappointed." the commander quickly answered.

"I hope so for your sake." Shadow replied. "The Emperor isn't as forgiving as I am."


Bender and Trashcan stood in front of the enormous steel door at the entrance to Garron the Mutt's castle. Garron was the leader of the galactic underworld. He was a giant cyborg, who was feared by anyone who had to do business anywhere near the Pitooey system. Bender knocked lightly on the door, and waited for about a second before he stepped back.

"No one's home! I guess we better go back home!" he said.

"Bark bark bark!" Trashcan told him.

Suddenly small hatch opened in the door and a camera probe popped out to scan the two 'bots who were standing near the door.

"State you business!" a cybertronic voice demanded.

"We've come to deliver a message from our master to Garron." Bender said. "We can leave if he's not at home"

"I don't think they're going to let us in" Bender said hopefully to Trashcan.

No sooner than Bender finished speaking the heavy door began to rise upward, reveling a long dark corridor into the fortress. Trashcan quickly entered, and hurried down the passage way.

"Where do you think you are going!" Bender cried as he followed his smaller companion.

Two evil looking alien creatures came up to the two robots. One of them was almost humanoid in appearance, with the exception of a large horn like appendage on the top of his head. The other was a pig like creature, that walked on two legs and had a snout like nose, and small tusks sticking out of its mouth.

"We have a message to deliver to Garron. Our master insists that we can only deliver it to him personally." Bender explained to the tall horned one.

The pig creature grunted, and motioned for them to follow. They marched down the corridor for some time until they came to a large room that seemed to be a hall of entertainment for the huge Garron.

Garron sat upon a large throne like chair, flanked by female beings dressed in seductive attire. At the center of the room, a musical band was playing a jazz like tune. The musicians were a mix of weird alien and muppet like creatures. Garron waited until the ensemble finished playing their current number before noticing the two robots before him.

"Mighty Garron! I am Bender, and this is my counter part, Trashcan." Bender said. "We have brought you a message, and a gift from our master." Bender kicked Trashcan in the ass. "Play him the message, rustbucket!"

Trashcan started his holographic projector and an image appeared in front of him. It was that of Astro, now dressed in the robes of a Tetsuwan Knight.

"Greetings mighty Garron!" Astro started. "I am Astro Skywalker, Tetsuwan Knight. I wish to negotiate for the release of Atlas Solo. With your wisdom and sense of fair play, I am sure we can come to terms acceptable to both of us in this matter. As a token of my good will, I am making a gift of these two robots. They are both hard working, and will serve you well. I hope to meet you shortly so we can complete our business in person." The projection faded out.

"OH No! We're boned!" Bender sighed.

"There will be no deal!" Garron laughed. "I am keeping my wall decoration!" he added looking at the block of Corbomite containing the outline of Atlas.

Trashcan was taken to the sand barge where he would serve as a butler on Garron's transport. Bender was assigned as Garrons personal translator.


Later that day a small stature of a bounty hunter arrived in Garron's fortress. Accompanying the soldier of fortune in chains was Blue Bon. The bounty hunter stood just a bit higher than half the height of his captive. The hunter's face was hidden by a helmet mask that also disguised his voice. He spoke in a garbled tongue that Bender was able to translate.

"What do we have here?" Garron laughed, seeing Blue Bon. "First Atlas and now Blue Bon, this is my lucky day! The reward will be 20,000 credits!"

The bounty hunter mumbled something and shook his head.

"The Bounty hunter demands 50,000 credits for Blue Bon, your Excellency" Bender relayed.

"Why should I pay 50,000 credits?" Garron demanded.

The bounty hunter again mumbled something and produced a small explosive device from under his clothing.

"Because he's holding a hyper thermal bomb!" Bender yelled out.

Garron laughed out loud.
"This bounty hunter is my kind of scumbag! He's got balls! I'll pay 35,000 credits for Blue Bon!"

"Please accept it!" Bender pleaded.

The bounty hunter nodded his acceptance of the sum.

"Phew, that was close!" Bender sighed.

Hiding in the shadows of the hallway, Blackjack was dressed in armored clothing that hid his face. He followed the bounty hunter out of the room as Blue Bon was taken in chains to the detention area of the fortress.


Darkness fell and the fortress grew quiet. The bounty hunter returned to Garron's audience chamber where Atlas hung on the wall in the Corbomite block. The hunter attached a small box to the block and activated a power source. The Corbomite began to dissolve and Atlas started to emerge from his encasement. He fell toward the floor, and began to quiver.

"Where am I?" Atlas asked.

"You're in Garron's fortress."

"Who are you?"

"Someone who loves you!" Uran said, as she removed her helmet.

A metal pleated curtain on the side of the room slowly raised, revealing Garron and a few of his Alien henchmen.

"Not so fast!" he laughed. "Atlas, you will become Banther fodder!"

"Wait a minute, Garron!" Atlas argued. "I was on my way to repay you when I ran into some trouble. I have your money!"

"Take him to the detention area, he dies tomorrow!" Garron said. "And as for you." he smiled at Uran "I have some ideas for you!"


Astro was dressed in the gray robe of a Tetsuwan Knight. He motioned with his hand at the door to the fortress and it slowly raised. He entered and walked down the long corridor where he was stopped by the pig guard and the tall horned servant.

"You will take me to see Garron at once!" Astro said softly.

"Garron will see you at once!" the tall being told him.

Garron was sleeping on his throne. Uran was dressed in very little. She wore a silver bra, and golden panties. She was also tied to Garron's throne by a long heavy link of chain. Garron woke at the sight (or maybe the smell) of Astro.

"I told you not to admit him!" Garron yelled at the two servants that had led the Tetsuwan Knight to the throne room. Garron looked down at Astro and grumbled.

"There will be no deal! Atlas will remain here with me."

"You will release him to me" Astro told him.

"I will not! Your Tetsuwan mind tricks don't work with me!" Garron yelled.

Astro took a few steps toward the throne.

Bender yelled out at him "Look out, your standing on ..."

The trap door beneath Astro's feet dropped out below him. Astro fell into a dungeon like pit. Garron laughed as the floor moved and covered up the hole through which Astro had just fallen, trapping him in the underground chamber.

A heavy door raised up and a large beast lumbered into the dungeon. It had huge claw like hands, and a large head with an equally huge mouth with a good set of teeth. The beast salivated at the sight of Astro. Astro was faster than the monster, but there was little room for him to hide in the small confined space of the dungeon. The beast made several grabs for him, but Astro avoided his grasp for several minutes. Eventually, Astro made a wrong move and the monster grabbed him in its hammy hand and raised Astro up to its mouth. The monster gripped Astro around his head and shoulders, leaving his backside and legs hanging from his hand. Suddenly two machine guns popped out of Astro's hips and fired point blank into the monster's face. The beast cried out in pain and dropped Astro onto the floor.

Astro ran for the doorway through which the monster had entered the dungeon chamber. The beast followed him, and at the last moment Astro saw the control switch to close the door on the wall of the chamber. Just as the beast stuck its head through the doorway, Astro threw a rock at the switch and the heavy door fell, crushing the monster's head. The beast moaned and then died.

"You will pay for this outrage!" Garron yelled. "Tomorrow you and your friends will be feed to the pit monster El-Stomach, who lives in the dune sea!" Astro was carried off by a dozen guards to the detention cell where Atlas and Blue Bon were already locked up.


The next day several hover ships glided over the sands of the dune sea. The largest one was the royal barge of Garron the Mutt. A smaller one, was the prison ship carrying Atlas, Astro, Blue Bon, and Garron's guards. Yet another barge held the rest of Garron's soldiers. Uran, dressed in the exotic dancer and temptress garb that Garrron had forced on her, was chained to the throne lounge that Garron was lying on. Trashcan wondered about the barge with a tray of drinks and food items, serving Garron's guests. Bender was not far from Garron on the royal barge with Garron keeping an eye on him.

The convoy came to a stop next to a large hole in the sand. Deep in this pit, was the monster El-Stomach. El-Stomach was a huge mouth ringed with many rows of sharp teeth. It had a barbed tongue that it used to pull its pray down into its mouth.
"Throw them in!" Garron ordered his men on the prison barge. A plank was extended and Astro was prodded onto it.

"It will be your turn next!" one of the guards sneered at Atlas.

Trashcan appeared on the deck of the royal barge, along with Bender. Garron remained below in the barge, preferring to watch though the window with his new concubine chained to his side.

"If you don't let Atlas, Uran, Blue Bon and myself go Garron, you will surly die!" Astro yelled from the prison barge.

The guard behind him gave Astro one final shove to knock him off the plank, and into the mouth of El-Stomach. Astro took a flying leap off of the plank, and making a somersault, flew through the air just as Trashcan fired a projectile high into the air. Astro caught the object, which was his light saber, and landed on the deck of the royal barge. He sliced two of the guards in half with the weapon, and was now in battle with two more. Garron was distracted by the sudden turn of events, and Uran took advantage of it. Standing behind her captor, she quickly wrapped her chain around his neck and began to garrote him with it. Uran found she had much more strength than she knew, and quickly throttled Garron into lifelessness.

Astro had finished off the guards on the royal barge and ran down into the lower part of the ship to find Uran chained to the throne of the now lifeless Garron. He sliced her chain off with the light saber and the two of them ran up to the deck of the ship. Astro used his arm cannon to blast a hole through the deck, short circuiting the hover engines below. Trashcan and Bender leaped overboard away from the pit of El-Stomach, Astro leaped with Uran back to the prison barge where Blue Bon, Atlas and Blackjack were fighting for their lives with the guards on that ship. Astro helped them finish off the guards, tossing each one into the mouth of El-Stomach. Uran took over the controls of the barge and they picked up Bender and Trashcan who were neck deep in the sand.

"The Millennium Phoenix is parked back at Los Isly" Blackjack said.

"We'll board her and meet up with the fleet" Uran replied.

Atlas was still a little groggy from having been released from the Corbomite.
"I guess Blue Bon or Blackjack better drive" he said.