This is supposed to be written as if it were a proper episode of WtNV. It sounds best if you kind of have Cecil pictured in your head, imagining him reading this like he would do on an episode. Or maybe that's just me. Either way, here it is:


You are currently breathing in air. And now you are breathing it out. You have no control over this aspect of your life, or any aspect of your life. Welcome to Night Vale.

So listeners, this is weird. There seems to be a strange pale blue gas forming outside the radio station. Not the normal red gas that comes every spring before disappearing with the falling leaves and trees in the summer. Nor is it the bright green gas that is released every third Thursday of the month that we are not supposed to remember. It's just... odd. I'll tell you more about it as it comes around.

But first, the local news. John Peters, you know the farmer, has reported that a flock of crows have ruined an entire field of this seasons best invisible corn. He hopes to stop this problem by hiring local street urchins to scare away the birds, as we all know despise being asked for money. The council for farm workers, tailors, and bank owners of the desert, also called the CFWTABOOTD, for short, has released a statement saying that 'there is no such things as invisible corn, quit writing us about it. And also, no one has seen a proper street urchin since old-time London. Nice try.' Whatever that means.

Guys, this is starting to get even weirder. The pale blue gas I mentioned earlier? It's now starting to seep into the building. Other station workers have taken to fleeing from the building, screaming "There is no escape, only prolonging the inevitable." I can only assume it means that this gas brings around some terrible pain and suffering. But, I will remain here and inform you of whatever horror it is, and how you may attempt to escape this inevitable pain.

And now, a word from our sponsors.

There is a man at your window. You may not see him, but he sees you. He wishes you no harm. He wishes you no good. He sees you. Even now. Now he is staring intently as my words begin to reach you, and comprehension is beginning to dawn. Now you know too much. Now he must go through the window. Make it a Kodak moment.

Listeners, the gas has reached my hallway. It is slowly creeping closer and closer to my booth. It is not simply a pale blue, but it seems to get deeper towards he edges. It...it...it's beautiful. Almost peaceful. It has stopped on the clear wall against my booth. It can seep through the cracks but it is not. As if it is asking for permission... It looks so calm...surely it cannot hurt me? I'm going to open the door. I am walking to the door and I am opening the d-

Did you know that the average eyeball moves MILLIONS of times a day? It is constantly moving and twitching, trying to see everything around you. Yet it cannot see everything. There are things that it can not see. Things it can never see things it can never comprehend. It is actually for the best that you do not see these things, for if you did, the knowledge and the terror that such things reside in a world you believe to be safe would cause you to go mad. Mad and vulnerable. But now you know. And they know you know.

This has been your children's fun fact science corner.

hmph- ah. Well. Listeners, something strange has happened. I do not remember what happened with the gas. But I do know something happened. The strange thing is, I now seem to be a cat. I have long and fluffy white fur, and if I were to flex my hands, now paws, tiny yet sharp claws would extend. Also, upon further inspection, I appear to be naked, save my new furry coat. I personally believe I make a cute cat.- Hey, intern, do I make a cute cat?- Well, it seems to be that our intern had fled the station a while ago after first looking towards this mystery gas. The gas which has now transformed me into an adorable talking feline.

And as I go through this journey of self discovery and species change, I will share with you the newest public safety announcement, released only milliseconds ago by the city council.

Citizens of Night Vale, those who are not citizens, and those transitional beings who are neither citizen or non: Do not, under any circumstances, go towards the pale blue gas that is currently floating aimlessly around Night Vale. And most of all, try to avoid, at all costs, the clear gas that is all around. I repeat: go nowhere near the clear gas, it will cause infinitely worse terrors and death than you could ever imagine from the pale blue gas, or the red gas, or the bright green gas that no one is supposed to know about. Just try, in general, to avoid all gases everywhere.

Listeners, exciting news! Though I still remain a cat, Night Vale's favorite and most perfect and most wonderful scientist is coming to the station, as I speak! How wonderful, right? I mean, sure, I may be a cat, but any chance to see hair like that upon Carlos should not be squandered. Do you hear me complain? No you do not. And if you do, that means that there is something in your radio and that it is too late to run.

Cecil? Cecil are you there? Ce- oh.

Carlos!

Cecil, you are a cat... and now you are purring. Okay. Wow.

Am I a cute kitty Carlos? I tried to ask one of the interns but they all ran away screaming. And if I really am I cat, why am I not hovering like all the others?

Cats aren't supposed to hover Cecil. And-jeez- you are a cat, aren't you?

You should stop purring.

Sorry Carlos. Can I go visit Khoshekh now that we can understand each other better?

*Well, um, sure. I just need to-

Blah blah blah. You will science and look pretty. I will be a cat.

Um. Yeah.

Alright. Listeners, as Carlos goes and does science, and I go and make even deeper connections with my feline pseudo-brethren, I will bring you now... To the weather.

Welcome back. Funny thing happened. When I walked into the men's bathroom to visit Khoshekh and daintily used my new feline muscles to hop on top of the sink, Khoshekh, well, he started to glow. He gave his normal happy screech upon seeing a person in his bathroom, and then a pale, ethereal light began to surround him. His blue eyes began to pulse a strange beat. He leaned forward, and brushed his nose, just once, just briefly, against my own. I soon blacked out. I woke up a few moments later, perched in the sink, my typical human Cecil once more. Khoshekh was napping peacefully, belly up, in his normal spot next to the sink. Carlos saw me return to myself and walked away muttering 'its just Night Vale' under his breath. I can only assume he is pleased to have me back, though, in his defense, I did make quite a cute cat.

Listeners, sometimes, people change. People grow up; people grow apart; people walk into a strange gas and change into a cat. That is just life. So appreciate who you are now and who you surround yourself with. You never know when they may change.

Stick around for an hour of the sound of water and intense need to urinate.

Good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.


Thanks for reading and please review!