I came to on the ground of my room. My breathing was ragged and my eyes were gritty. I tasted something metallic in my beak, pushing up to my hands and knees I spit blood on to my floor. I must have bitten my tongue. Shit. I moaned glancing to my left at my clock, it had only been about five minutes. Oh man that was a bad one. Really bad. And most likely about to get even worse.

I pushed myself up to a kneeling position my hand on my legs just breathing raggedly. I have to blank my mind. If I didn't I was going to get another flash. I knew it and my body knew it I started breathing even harder. "Fuck!" I groaned when the memory assaulted me. Talons ripping the sensitive skin of my back. I threw my head back and it slammed against my dresser. I saw stars. For a moment I was back in that dungeon my head getting slammed into the wall while one of the Saurians, one of the Saurians grunted behind me.

"NO!" My voice was nothing more than a harsh whisper. I pushed to my feet and stumbled towards the door reaching out. I pulled it open and nearly fell out into the hall way. I pushed my way down a door then did fall into the bathroom. I found my self on my hands and knees bracing myself and breathing. I tilted my head up and just sat there staring through my hair. My eyes wildly roamed the small room. I pushed myself up to a kneeling position and reached besides my head for the door handle and clicked the lock on it.

I pulled my shirt over my head in a quick jerky movement that left the world spinning. I tried my best to ignore it. My pants and underwear where a completely different story. I ended up on my ass, I was really wishing I still had a clothes phaser right about now.

Hands shaking I finally got the pants from around my ankles. Sitting naked on the cool tiles helped calm my feathers for a moment but then the shaking increased in my hands I could feel my chest tightening up the air in the bathroom becoming staler. The lights above my head dimmed, the panic attack was like a freight train slamming into me. My whole existence narrowed down to the pressure on my chest, I couldn't even tell if I was still breathing. I felt like I was dying that this would be the end of my existence. I couldn't breath, I couldn't move and I couldn't stop it. My mind and body was a swirl of chaos, a mind breaking panic that gouged out everything you are and every thing you could be. I was no one, nothing. I never was anything. I could be wiped out in a second, I should have been killed back on Puck World. My brother should never have saved me. The absolute knowlege helped the fear and panic surrounded me.

Then slowly, ever so slowly my limbs started to relax and then the worst was over and I was left shaking, panting and clutching at my chest. My heart thudded in my ears, a welcome to the all encompassing white noise that takes over my hearing every time I have one of these attacks. Almost lethargically I lifted my head off the floor and shivered wondering how long I'd actually been in the position I was in. My head was now near the toilet my chin curled towards my chest the rest of me wrapped around the base of the white god. I groaned rolling to face the other side of the room and the bath tub.

Pulling myself onto my hands and knees I crawled the side of the bath tub. I reached up and grasped the side of the tub pulling myself up, slowly pulling my left foot to hold me up I leaned for a second just shivering and breathing. Then when I had enough energy I reached out for the faucet flipping it on. I shoved my hand under the water waiting for it to become hot enough when it was I fliped the switch that made it a shower and practically fell into the tub with and oomph. Reaching blindly behind me, conscious that I didn't want to clean up the water that was mostly likely sopping the tiles outside of the bathtub. I grasped the curtain and swung it closed around me.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the deep steam from the hot water. Relishing in the heat that was permeating my system, I let myself go. I felt myself sliding very deep within my conscious-ness away from my own memories, my own thought pattern. I hid. I hid far, far within myself. In a place that I visited often when I was being held on Puckworld. One of the only true solitudes that I had left.

I came awake with a start, the water was frigged. Yelping I flew up and plastered myself to the part of the bath that there was no water. Shivering even more I reached over and turned the dial heating the water up. The hot water nearly scalded my cold skin and I bit back a yelp and held myself still underneath the blistering water. I felt a flush of scalding tingling through out my body.

Leaning my head on the tiles I stood there with the water pounding on my back. When, feeling that I'd tortured myself enough, I shut the water off and stepped cautiously out. There was water all over the tiled bathroom floor. My clothes were also soaked. What a fucking bother.

Bed had never sounded so good. When I came out of the bathroom I found the apartment quiet. We may have been boys living the dorm life but all three of us were pretty laid back on some nights. Apparently this was one of those nights. I grimaced as the silence of the apartment crackled through my head.

Nearly tripping over my shoe when I entered my bedroom, I kicked it away with a growl and headed for my night stand fumbling in the recess of the drawer. My hand found what I'd been looking for and I pulled out a container of prescription drugs. Not mine, I had been sneaking pills from Tonya for years, these were some of the more powerful ones Codeine 800 Mg and Muscle relaxant. I popped two of each and dry swallowed.

Dropping the towel that was wrapped around my waist my mind was preoccupied with flipping the covers down. Without a second thought I dropped into the bed snuggling into the covers, then I waited for the medicine to attack my system. It took less than ten minutes because the only thing I had eaten were the chips and I felt my stomach cramp from the meds and lack of food but by then It was too late. I felt my body relax and the world narrowley slipped away.

Morning came as a surprise to me, one second I'm sitting in a dark room waiting for the meds I took to take effect and the next the sun is blaring in my eyes. Groaning and wishing I could have been more conscious about the darkness that the night gave. I hate feeling like I just closed my eyes to fall asleep, I like some semblance of knowledge that the darkness I slept through wasn't in vain. Its weird but I love the dark. Easier on the eyes.

This time a moan escaped my beak while pushing myself up to a sitting position. The world then tilted to an odd angle and nausea gripped me. I managed to grab my waste basked before I heaved. Nothing came out though, and I realized a bit late that nothing was going to come out but bile. I hadn't eaten anything for nearly twenty four hours. Glancing over I saw a water bottle, grabbing it and twisting the top off I cleaned my beak out and then took a tentative swallow. It lasted about, uhh lets say two seconds.

By the time I had my stomach under some semblance of control. My eyes were watering, I was sweating and my throat was completely raw. Oh what a way to start a day.

When I finnaly left my room (after taking the bag out of my waste basket and pitching it) It was nearly ten in the morning. I walked into the kitchen where Alan was oddly enough already up. It was odd because Alan didn't usualy get up till noon on a friday.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in this one, my computer decided to go and get hijacked. If you don't know what I mean then you have very good spyware. lol any ways Next chapter is about done Im doing some finishing touches up on it then It will be up. Maybe monday or tuesday. Well please review! It helps keep me going.