Summary: This is an idea I got after watching season three episode 'hold onto sixteen'. I thought blaine's reaction was a little out of character so I came up for an explanation and backstory for why. It is from Sam's POV. Lots of sam angst, eventaul BLAM!
So this is my first attempt at writing a fanfiction so please be kind. I am planning on making it multichaptered, I have the story done just not all typed up. It is un beta-ed so please forgive spelling and grammer. Let me know what you think! Happy reading ;)
To Anyone who had already read the first two chapters, I removed the orginal two and fixed some spelling errors, this version is the first two chapters as well as the third new one!
One Simple Word
Sam swallowed nervously, don't get him wrong he was stoked to be back at McKinley, and really he had missed glee. However, as happy as he was to be back, he was not looking forward to his friends and former classmates finding out about how he had been supporting himself lately.
It wasn't exactly like he was ashamed of being a stripper (okay so maybe a little bit) but really he could live with the fact that his occupation was less then admirable, (I mean there are worse things than people wanting you because your hot, and Sam knew despite all of his other doubts and feelings of self-hate that he was indeed hot). No it was more the shame he felt when he was forced to admit just how much of a hypocrite he was.
Sam sighed as this thought pushed its way back into his head again. No matter how hard he tried, it just kept coming back, and these types of thoughts led to those other thoughts…the thoughts he's buried so deep down, the ones that he had swore he would never let out. Shit! No. Stop it. He cursed himself. Rachel had not been helping with this situation. Sure, at first he had been thrilled to see her and Finn; he'd been so grateful for their help and had even appreciated her updates on everything he had missed since he had left Lima, Ohio last year. But she was not helping because she kept mentioning one of the new members of glee club, Kurt's new friend Blaine. No! Sam had told himself sternly, there was no way the universe hated him that much. No way that this was the same Blaine. No way. But while it might be true, that name, regardless of who was attached to it brought all those thoughts and feelings that Same was trying to avoid rushing to the surface.
Enough. He commanded himself. He was supposed to be listening to Rachel's voice for his cue to pop into the choir room and surprise everyone on his return. He heard Rachel's voice ringing out, "Mr. Shue!" Everyone kept talking over her. "Mr. Shuester!" she cried out raising her voice, this time the background conversations slowly waned.
"Yes Rachel?" Mr. Shue replied sounding more then a little exasperated.
"I have a surprise announcement! I think that everyone's going to be really excited about it" she announced regally.
"God, please tell me you are moving to Alaska to live in solitude with flabey mcflabs" Santana's voice said snidely.
Apparently Rachel chose to ignore the comment as Sam heard her continue, " I am excited to say that I've….I mean we solved the shortage of club members" she quickly amended.
"That's good….how exactly?" Kurt's high voice could be heard asking skeptically.
"Sam Evans!" Rachel exclaimed.
That was Sam's queue. He flung the doors open happy to be greeted by gasps of surprise and shouts of welcome.
Due to the commotion it took Sam a little longer then it should have to register that not everyone in the choir room looked thrilled at his arrival. In fact, when Sam finally battled his way out of various hugs and high fives, he noticed that the dark haired teen in the front row looked far from happy. The teen looked shocked, his face white and his eyes wide in recognition.
Thankfully everyone else was much too preoccupied with getting themselves resettled and resuming their previous conversations to take not e of Sam's own reaction to the dark haired boy. Fuck! Apparently the universe did hate him that much. Blaine. Not some random stranger Blaine. Blaine. His Blaine. No, he corrected himself mentally, not his Blaine. Shit!
Before Sam could figure out what he should do next his panicked thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a scraping chair.
"Blaine?" Mr. Shue asked in a concerned voice, "What's the matter? Are you okay?"
Sam realized that the scraping chair was Blaine hurriedly standing up, his face still ashen. "Uh yeah Mr. Shue, I'm..uh feeling a little sick. Uh-I think I should go to the nurse. Sorry!" Blaine managed to croak out before rushing towards the door, all the while making sure to leave a wide space between himself and Sam as he rush by.
With Blaine out of the room Sam's brain started to function again, he managed to walk over to the row of chairs and sat down beside Tina while trying to remember how to breathe.
"What was that?" Tina wondered, "Wonder what's wrong with Blaine?"
"I have no idea" Sam replied trying not to trip over the lie leaving his lips. Because he did know. He knew exactly what was wrong with Blaine. Every detail that he had worked so hard to keep hidden, forgotten, all of them came coursing back through his mind. Threatening to ruin him. Blaine was going to ruin him.
The rest of the day passed without Sam running into Blaine. It wasn't until the sound of the last bell had rung, signaling that everyone should go home, that Sam finally saw Blaine again. Blaine was standing with his back to Sam, rooting thought his locker for who knows what.
God, it felt like only days, not years ago since he had last seen him. Sam allowed himself a moment to study the teen. He had changed. He was a little bit taller than before, he was still lean, maybe a tad more muscular, his muscles just visible through his tight yellow tee-shirt. He wore his hair differently; all gelled down instead of free and curly. This saddened Sam, he had always loved the shiny black curls. No physically he was still that same gorgeous boy that Sam had once known. The real difference was how he carried himself. His posture wasn't relaxed and easy, not one that you would feel comfortable at approaching. This new Blaine stood out, his posture more erect, his stance challenging, as if he was daring someone to try and pick a fight. Yeah, that was it, he had the stance of a fighter now.
Shut up! He mentally chastised himself. This was the reason he didn't want Blaine here, these insidious thoughts, these unavoidable feelings. He sighed. He had to talk to him, he had to make sure to do damage control before it was too late.
"Blaine" he said quietly after making sure that the halls were empty and that there was little risk that they would be overheard.
Blaine's head snapped up and he dropped his stack of books. It would have been a little comical had it not been for the circumstance Sam found himself in. "Sam" Blaine answered his eyes flashing with hurt and fear? Before being filled with anger. He squared his shoulders. "Stay away from me" he spat.
"Blaine, please…" Sam pleaded his guilt intensifying at the boy's expression.
It looked like Blaine was going to say something but last minute decided against it. "What do you want Samuel?" he asked his tone tired.
"Look. I know neither of us wants to be here, but we're stuck with each other, I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how things went down. I-I am hoping we can move past it" Sam said stumbling over his words.
"Oh, I get it. I understand what you want now. Really Sam? After all this time. Not a fucking word from you. But now, now that your precious reputation is at stake you manage to have the balls to apologize? Un-fucking believable" he said his words laced with venom.
Well, there's another change Sam thought New Blaine cursed a lot more.
When Sam didn't say anything Blaine continued. "Don't worry Samuel. I won't spill your precious secret. I am able to keep my mouth shut. But for the record Sam, apology NOT accepted. From this point on, we have no history…no past and certainly no future. I don't know you and you don't know me" with these final words Blaine slammed his locker door, stooped to grab his dropped books and walked away, leaving Sam standing alone in the hall.
Sam should be relieved. Blaine had agreed to what he had wanted. Keep quiet, don't bring up the past. Why then? Sam wondered did it feel like someone had stabbed him in the heart, leaving him wounded and bleeding for everyone to see.
"This is hopeless, we don't have a chance at winning without the girls" Puck grumbled as he stumbled slightly while attempting to follow along with Mr. Shues dance moves.
Apparently Blaine joining glee club was not the only change to the New Directions since Sam had left. The majority of the girls had defected to an all girls glee club run by Rachel's birth mother. Weirdly the two girls that had not left were the only ones with actually connections to Ms. Cochran, Rachel (daughter) and Quinn (Shelby had adopted Quinn's daughter) were the sole remaining females, Santana had just recently left, leaving the New Directions lacking in female vocalists.
Speaking of Blaine, he had been true to his word completely ignoring Sam. It wasn't even a cold shoulder, it was like he had literally never seen him before and although Blaine hadn't been rude (especially with the other glee members around), he made zero effort outside what was absolutely necessary to interact or even look at Sam.
While this is what Sam had wanted, for some reason, some reason that Sam didn't care to analyze, it just made him angry. Not just angry it filled him with a white pulsing rage. Damn him! It wasn't fair! How could he just look through Sam like he was nothing, how was it possible, when every time Sam saw him he was crushed by so many warring emotions. Even when Blaine wasn't around Sam's thoughts automatically went straight to him. It made him so angry, filling him with a restless energy that he just couldn't get rid of. He hated him in those moments. He hated him so much; it was his fault for what Sam had become. Fuck.
"…and we'll use it to our advantage" Sam heard Mr. Shue say.
And then HE spoke up. "Yeah! How about something like this?" Blaine suggested doing a spin.
God, he looked hot in his loose sweater and tight yellow pants. He managed to look both dirty and innocent all at once. And this was exactly what had begun this whole mess Sam thought bitterly, hate and shame coursing through him.
"Cuute!" Kurt said smiling.
"I like the spin" Mr. Shuester said in agreement and the guy in the group started to try and attempt the spin.
Sam didn't know what it was but something inside him snapped, he just could not handle it. He wanted, no needed to see some emotion on the dark haired boy's face. Some emotion other than that fake indifferent smile that he had been wearing since the locker encounter.
"God, Okay stop, stop!" the words were out of Sam's mouth before he could stop them. "Blaine, this…" he did a mock spin before looking at Blaine, his eyes begging, no daring him to rise to unvoiced challenge, "…is totally boy band. What we need to sell here is SEX". Sam accompanied his words with a body roll. Sam didn't know why he went there, there of all places, purposely dragging up the thing that he knew would hurt Blaine the most. He knew it would but he just couldn't stop himself.
"What was that?" Blaine asked his tone indifferent but a spark of anger in his eyes.
" It's a body roll" Sam threw back at him, starting to roll his hips again, goading him on with tone, determined to make him snap, "thaaat is sex."
The other guys started to hesitantly roll their hips as well. "The man's not wrong" Artie said "I got tingles where it's only 50/50 for tinges."
"Yeah! Yeah Sam that's awesome, Sam that's exactly what we need!" Finn said with a stupid grin. This comment seemed to do what Sam had been aiming for.
"No, no that is not what we need. We don't have to resort to….to….t-that. It's cheap…you know what? It's selling out" Blaine cut in his voice barely keeping steady, his eyes and gestures clearly demonstrating his agitation.
Sam knew that he should let it drop. What was he doing? Blaine had given him what he had wanted, he had kept quiet. But no he was ignoring him. If Sam was filled with thoughts of Blaine every freaking second then No. Blaine was not allowed to ignore him. Sam knew deep down that he was being irrational, especially after everything he had put Blaine through. But he couldn't bring himself to care in that moment.
"I came back here to win…when your desperate sometimes you got to use what you've got, your assets" Sam did another body roll, "…and this is our biggest asset" Sam shot back.
"Of course that's what YOU'D think, it's what you'd have to think in order to sleep at night" Blaine's words and the condescending look on his face felt like a slap in the face.
Shit! Blaine had heard what he had been doing then. It was like Blaine was yelling hypocrite in his face. "What the hell does that mean" Sam spit back, knowing full well what Blaine had meant by it.
"It means that I'M NOT FOR SALE" Blaine yelled, his composure finally breaking.
Sam blanched, those all too familiar words sent hot curls of shame through his stomach. He couldn't stop it, he had to get rid of the shame. He had to force it away from himself before it destroyed him. Before Sam knew what he was doing he was pushing Blaine roughly backwards. In the past Blaine had always refused to fight back, this time however Sam felt himself being shoved back.
"Hey!" Mr. Shue shouted pushing the two boys apart, the look Blaine gave Sam was pure hatred.
"Forget it" he spat before running from the room.
Once again Sam was left to stew in his regrets.