Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.
That one thing you can't choose,
That one thing you can't pick,
That one thing you can never lose,
That one thing, you can never trick,
It's not your choice,
It's picked for you,
There's no dice,
It's not up to you,
Jodie Louise Pollock
Mom and Dad had gathered around looking for answers. I had backed myself into the wall in my panic. I was trying to find the words to calm them, to calm myself but before I could express anything we heard the quiet noise of fast approaching vampires. Mom and dad stood in front of me, trying to protect me from the incoming threat. I felt my muscles tighten and I protected them the only way I knew how.
Chapter One: Running
Each breath I took hurt my chest but I could not take the time to hold myself together. I had to force myself to keep moving one foot in front of the other. I knew what I was doing was going to cause pain to those who cared for me and destroy all the relationships I had managed to hold onto but I also understood that I had been given no choice. Once again my choices were taken from me. I would do whatever it took to keep the people I cared about safe. I had been at my breaking point as I waited for Laurent or Victoria to come for me so when Jacob had first told me that he and his pack had defeated Laurent and that Victoria was still coming, I fell apart, it was too much. I collapsed and let the misery and anxiety take me. The vampires that I once thought were mine and would protect me were not here, and were not coming back to save me this time and even though Jacob's pack felt obligated to protect the dreary town of Forks, I would not allow them to die for me. I would not allow my best friend with misplaced affection, to face the fiery redhead. I would not allow my parents to be in the cross-hairs of Victoria's retaliation. She was here to avenge her mates' death, she was not going after the Cullen's. This was a mate for a mate, she did not know that Edward had changed his mind and had gotten bored with me.
Jacob had not let me out of his sight as he told the pack what I had told him about Victoria. It was as I sat there listening to how they would use this new information to plan, I started to devise a plan of my own. I had to make sure that Victoria believed I was out of the area and I had to make sure that Charlie would not be able to follow me either. I knew I could not stop him from trying but I knew to keep them safe I had no choice. Maybe someday I would be able to make contact or see them again and maybe not, but to keep them alive this was what I had to do. I wanted to be upset about this but could not bring myself to be, hadn't I already decided that this would be my fate before he took that future with him because I was given no choice.
No choice, he had decided this on his own. We were supposed to be partners, but he decided this on his own. He decided to leave me. I would never choose that. He thought I would move on, love again but I don't see it that way. Did he honestly think I could love or even tolerate someone else? It is not his fault, he did not love me anymore, and I had to accept what is. He decided to remove himself from me but he will always have a part of me. My heart had left with him. I knew I couldn't live without him, there was no other way see it. He choose to live without me, and I could never choice that, but I had been given no choice.
As soon as Jacob left the house I went into action. First priority, Charlie could not know something was happening. So I went into the kitchen and started dinner for Charlie just like every other day. Once it was started I made my way to my bedroom. I knew the pack would start watching my house tonight and from now on I would only have brief moments without a guardian and I would need to make each of them count. At least they could not see into the future at what I was planning. At my quick comparison, my heart throbbed but I could not think about them now. I took my suitcase from under my bed and moved to my closet, instead of taking my clothes that Charlie may notice missing before or to quickly after my departure, I took the clothes Alice had given me that I had shoved in the back of my closet, accidentally letting these thoughts slip in I wanted to take the time to hold myself together as the pain these thoughts always caused hit me but I did not have time, I shoved the clothes into my bag then looked at my shoe options. I grabbed a pair of ballerina flats and sandals and left the rest of the death traps there. I shoved everything back into my closet so that nothing looked disturbed.
As I tried to stuff my suit case back under my bed it caught on a loose floor board and pried it up. Even though I needed to move quickly to get the bag under the bed and finish making Charlie's dinner, when I saw a CD in its hiding spot, I stopped my rush. I picked up the CD that I recognized right away as the one He had given me on my birthday. Under the CD was the airline tickets as well as the stack of photos that he never mailed to my mom along with the ones from my scrapbook. I could already fill the tears streaming down my face but I did not have time to ponder why He left these in my room or look at the proof I had desperately hoped to find for so long that proved he was once in my life. I gulped in air not realizing I was holding my breath and quickly removed all of my new treasure, I would think about it later, and shoved it in my suitcase replaced the board and shoved all of it under my bed. Then I ran downstairs to remove the potatoes and fish I had broiling.
I was just finishing the salad to go with dinner when Charlie came in. The fact that I had been crying did not go unnoticed, but he did not draw attention to it either. It was hard for both of us to discuss our feelings openly and I hope that held out. As we sat eating I realized that this was the last dinner we might ever share and I could not help the few tears that slipped out.
I wanted to tell Carlie so much but knew if I started he would figure out more was going on so I settled on a quiet "Thank you."
Charlie patted my hand and tried to give me a smile but it came out like a grimace. "Anytime." He whispered back. With those simple words, we expressed the love between us. I instantly hated that my next actions would decimate what was left of our relationship.
After I finished washing the dishes, I quickly told me father good night and tripped running up the stairs before I could break into tears. I heard my father chuckle and was glad that he would have a good memory of my final time around him. When I returned to my room I continued working on my plan to lure Victoria away from the ones I love. I knew her ability to find me was going to focus greatly on my scent and I had no hope of eliminating it completely but I wanted her as far away from my father's home as possible, so as I went into my room I knew I wanted to weaken the scent. I crossed the room and opened my window, it squeaked with the months of no use. The pain of why it had not been used ripped at my chest, but I needed to use that pain to force myself to continue working.
I grabbed a note book from my back pack and began writing letters to those who I cared about. First to Renee, to tell her how much I loved her. That I knew Phil was wonderful for her and would take care of her. I asked her to carry on with her life, to enjoy herself. I told her I needed to find myself and that I would be okay.
My second letter was to Jacob. I did not know if someone else would read this letter so I only apologized for running and did not mention our other secrets. I let him know I would never be whole and could never care for him the way he did for me. I asked him to not think of me that way and to begin to look for a girl who could love him with her whole heart and not just what was left of it. I thanked Jacob for being my personal sun in my months of darkness. I asked Jacob not to look for me. This was for me to deal with.
My next letter was to Charlie, I thought it would kill me to write to him but I had to force myself to finish what I started. If I didn't I would always be worrying if she was coming for me and if he
would pay the ultimate sacrifice. I finally opened up to my father. I thanked him for letting me live here with him, for letting me get to know him, for loving me in his own quiet way. I thanked him for putting up with me in these last months of struggles as well as for the time I ran to Phoenix. I apologized for not being a better daughter and for all the grief I had put him through. Then I
begged him to not try to look for me. I told him, much like Renee that I needed to find myself. I needed time alone to work through things. I insisted that I was an adult and this is what I needed to do. Like my other letters I did not give false hope of contact or a timeline for
returning. I wanted him to be safe I did not want to hurt him but I knew this was the only way for me to go.
I quickly wrote two identical letters to Victoria one I would leave at my house and the other at the Cullen's. I quickly let her know that I knew she was after me. I let her know I had cut all ties to the mere mortals of my life. As my anger took over I taunted her. I told her if she wanted her
vengeance, her prize, she would have to find me. I told her that only a good tracker like her James could find me but oops he was unable to help her. I challenged her to come for me alone. I finished by offering her good luck.
The last letter was the hardest even if it was the shortest. It was to Ed-him. I asked if he ever found my letter and Charlie was still around, even if he never cared for me, please watch out for him. It hurt because I did not leave Forks because that would be agreeing that it was over
and now I had no choice. I had the proof in my lullaby and the pictures that we once happened but I was finally saying good-bye to where we happened. I was saying good-bye to them, to him.
I wanted Victoria to find my letter outside my house. I did not want her to come in and make a snack of anyone in my home. As I paced my room I stubbed my toe, no big shock there that I could hurt myself, on the end of my bed and when the little streak of blood came I realized I could make my scent strong with my blood and hide it outside. The blood would make it potent and she would go to it. I dabbed both of her letters on my foot as I took deep breaths through my mouth willing myself not to be sick. After I bandaged my toe. I leaned out my window and found a perfect little crack under my window in which to hide the letter.
As I climbed into bed to try to get some rest, I tossed and turned full of anxiety but I knew I would have to wait to put the next phase of my plan into action. I would need energy to keep going and as I began to drift off to sleep I idly wondered which of the pack was playing babysitter tonight. Did they see me place my letter, I hopped not. I would only get one chance at this if they figured out my plan I would be stuck. So I only have a couple of hours tomorrow of sunlight when no vampires would be out and between patrols and guard change to slip away. I had to make it count.