A/N: Based off the Rugrats conspiracy theory (you have no idea how much I adored that show as a young child). When listening to the song for it, (Which I recommend listening while reading this) I was inspired to write this.
Rated for subject matter.
Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I really don't know why. They look at me like I'm speaking pig Latin, like they can't understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, but I know I'm speaking the same Japanese they are. Maybe the just don't like what I'm saying, maybe they're jealous, maybe they're just trying to trick me.
Everyone's telling me it's just a lie.
I know its real though. They're just can't see it. They're trying to trick me, to make me forget you, but that's not going to happen. Maybe they all hate you, maybe they want to punish you for something you had done. They want me to abandon you, to let all of you go. But how could I possibly hurt you like that? You need me, I'm the only one who will stand by you.
I don't understand.
Is this what it's like when someone commits a crime? When someone is blacklisted from society? But you have always done so much good, have always done so much to protect everyone and their dreams, how could anyone turn their backs on you?
I don't understand at all.
My parents won't tell me the truth of what's going on, they just keep telling me what everyone else has been saying. They say they're not lying, but they must be. You're right here, I can see you. They say you're not, they act like they can't see the pain on your faces at being ignored, but I know they must be able to.
You're standing right there, but nobody else will acknowledge that fact.
My parents think I'm crazy, but they're the ones that cause whatever insanity I might hold. If they keep lying to me, what could possibly stop me from going crazy? Everyone's just lying to me and they won't speak the truth. They won't tell me why you're being ignored.
I don't care. I'll keep on talking to you, keep on drinking tea with you in the royal garden just as I always have. I won't abandon you, even if everyone else tells me I must. Even when people give me weird looks, like I'm just talking to myself, I won't shun you. I'll stand by you in the end.
I don't get why the lies are so elaborate though. It's one thing to just ignore people, but another to make up such a large story to go along with it. They're so full of crap, I can't even begin to believe a word they say.
Every day passes in the same way. The sky has been gray and the air has been cold. The wind will tousle my hair, mess up my clothes, but yet it's relaxing. Ikuto will just hold my hand, and the rest of you will just laugh amongst yourselves. Rima and Nagihiko will bicker, Kukai and Utau will have some sort of contest, Yaya will whine for candy, Tadase will just yell at Ikuto. Everything is simply the same, and I'm glad you're pretending nothing has changed, pretending that everyone's treating you like they always have.
I don't how this has happened, and I don't know where my guardian characters have gone. I don't know why my heart feels empty, and I can't even remember what my characters' purposes were. I can't remember their names...
I'm terribly worried that Easter will come back while everyone's ignoring you and make everything even worse. I can't do anything anymore, and I feel as though you won't be able to as well. I asked my parents, out of curiosity, but simply more lies. I don't know why they'd make up something about a company that meant nothing to them, but they have said the director was imprisoned. They said that what he had done to you had made it that way.
But he hadn't done anything particularly bad to you. I am positive he didn't do what my parents are saying, or else you definitely wouldn't be here.
It's laughable, the stupid lies everyone is telling. And sometimes I do laugh. I just can't take it, because they keep saying you're gone but you're standing right in front of them. Sometimes I just howl in laughter, sometimes I scream at them that you're standing right in front of them. It's funny, what lengths they're going to in order to keep up their stupid charade.
My parents say I'm too temperamental, and have sent Ami to stay with our grandparents. They say it's not good for her to stay around someone so caught up in fantasy. But I'm further in reality than any of them. They're all confused, telling me lies that couldn't possibly be true.
Sometimes I ponder about whether or not Easter has caused all of this. When I woke up that day in the hospital, the day the lies began, maybe Easter had done something. Maybe they had achieved some sort of mind control. Maybe they had convinced everyone to lie to me, maybe they even made them believe the lies they were telling. Maybe the had destroyed my heart's eggs. Maybe they had made you appear to be invisible to them.
But that can't be true, because why would they leave me be?
My parents, well, you've heard what they've said. They have told me, time and time again, right in front of your faces, that you are dead. But they just make me laugh. You're right there. How could they possibly claim you're dead?
The first day of the lies, that day I woke up in the hospital, the first thing they said was that they were so happy to see me awake. They had lied right off the bat. If they truly were happy for me to be alive, they would stop with their lies.
They said that there had been an accident at the Easter company. That bad things had happened. They said that Kazuomi had held a gun, had fired at all of us. They said that Tadase, Kukai, and Yaya had died immediately after getting shot. Nagihiko, having taken a shot aimed at Rima, died in an ambulance. Rima had been shot in the leg and tried to crawl away, but eventually died from blood loss. Utau, who tried to stop it, died after reaching the hospital. Ikuto, who had been so weakened when all of this happened, has died easily inches from where I had laid when they found me.
I know I had been injured sometime, where and how I'm not sure, but this was all just so preposterous. I had laughed when they finished telling me the news. I had laughed and they had just shown me equally horrified expressions. They asked me what could have possibly been so funny.
I just pointed behind them, towards where you all were standing, and told them that you couldn't possibly be dead because you were standing right there.
Everyone's so stupid. I have to wonder if they believe what they're saying. How could lies be so intricate, so forceful? How could they say it with such strength if the lie is so blatant?
What if I am the one that's wrong?
You're all around me though. Every second of the day you're there, so how could I be making it up? How could I produce such an intricate mirage? Even though they all say I'm making up what I want to see there, that I don't want to accept the truth, how could I make myself see something that isn't there?
No, they're all lying. I don't care if it's "irrational" to assume that. I can't be making this up. It can't all be in my head.
Why is everyone looking at me like I'm a psychopath?
Tears fill my eyes, as they always do, and those around me look worried. But they don't do anything, and neither do you. You just stare at me, those sad expressions on your face, issuing words of comfort. You tell me not to worry, that they're just crazy. You assure me that I'm alright.
I can believe you. You're my first friends, my best friends. You are the ones who are always there for me, who helped me open up to others. I can believe you. Everyone else is lying.
Yes, they're all liars. Full of their own convoluted fabrications, trying to trick me.
You're as real as everything else in this world.
"It will be alright, sweetheart. You're going to go back home soon."
The woman who says this looks nice, but I know that's a lie too. How could anyone who lies so harshly be a nice person?
The back of the van we're in is brightly lit, and she smiles at me in a way meant to be reassuring, but what could possibly make me feel about any of this?
They do think I'm crazy, that's why they're sending me to a mental institution. They say I'm making it up, that you're here. Even though they can see you standing there, sitting in the very same vehicle, they call me crazy.
I'm not crazy. You're right here.
Why are they taking this stupid lie so very far? Are they trying to make me break down, to lose every last bit of my sanity?
Is this all a lie that I have made up?
I feel like I'm choking to death on my tears. Why won't anyone acknowledge you? You're right here. I feel hear you, I can feel you. Why would I make something like this up?
I'm not insane. Insane people are the ones that have disorders, the ones that are caught in lies and illusions, the ones that live in their own little fantasies.
I dwell only in reality, that's why I won't lie like everyone else. I won't pretend something isn't there. No matter how much everyone tells me to, I won't abandon my friends. I love them all.
Stop lying to me. Shes looking right at you, but yet she will not see. Why won't they all just stop this desperate charade? Stop trying to break me down.
I can't ignore something that's right there.
And they may call me crazy, but I'm not. Why would I make something like this up?
I don't understand at all.
What's going on?
I just want those days back, the days where everything was fun. Why can't I have such simplicity back? Why can't everything just go back to normal.
I'm not crazy, everyone needs to stop looking at me like that. They need to stop asking me who I'm talking to when you're sitting right there. They need to stop saying you're dead when I can hear you breathing. This nightmare needs to end.
Everyone needs to stop looking at me as though I'm a psychopath. I'm not insane, I don't need to be sent to a mental institution.
I'm not crazy, you're right there.
And you smile, to reassure me you are right there.
And Ikuto, you who I love most of all, give me the most reassurance. "Yes Amu, we are here. So don't ever believe the lies. Don't let them trick you into thinking we're gone."
Yes, you are here, I am sane, and I will never let any of you go.