Author's Note: This following is a fanfic spun off from Bugz-Toon's excellent 'fic A Wizard Named Harry. I originally wrote this as a review for the story, but it amused me enough that I decided to brush it up a bit and post it as a one shot. Go read the original; it's great. Fair warning: it's not finished and it appears to have been abandoned. Despite that, it's worth reading and, with any luck, if enough of us review it and send him/her PMs asking for more, Bugz-Toon will pick it up again.


[In the morning, HARRY goes to DUMBLEDORE before breakfast]

HARRY DRESDEN: Professor, I have something important to tell you, and you are not going to believe it. Would you please Legilmancy me, give me some Veritaserum, put the Sorting Hat on me so it can read my mind, and bring out the Pensieve that you keep in that cupboard over there?

DUMBLEDORE: How do you know I keep my Pensieve in there? [DUMBLEDORE frowns]

HARRY DRESDEN: Just do it. Trust me.

[DUMBLEDORE shrugs, goes to the cabinet, and brings out the Pensieve]

HARRY DRESDEN: My name is Harry Dresden. I'm a wizard from Chicago, a Warden of the White Council, and I have somehow woken up in the body of Harry Potter. Harry Potter is a fictional character in my world, starring in seven children's books that have probably been read by more people than the Holy Bible. Incidentally, you are also a fictional character in those books. I have read the series, and I know what's going to happen for the next seven years. Tom Marvolo Riddle, aka Lord Voldemort, has come back and made seven—no, wait, eight Horcruxes. Voldemort is currently living on the back of Professor Quirrel's head, under that stupid turban.

[DUMBLEDORE looks surprised and reaches for the Veritaserum.]

[5 minutes later]

DUMBLEDORE: My, that's quite a story. Well, off we go.

[5 minutes later, in the dining room.]

DUMBLEDORE: Ron Weasley, could you please introduce me to your rat, Scabbers?

RON: uh...sure? [RON takes out SCABBERS]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot! Reversus Animagus!

EVERYONE: Gasp!

DUMBLEDORE: Well, looks like you were telling the truth, Harry. Good morning, Professor Quirrel! [DUMBLEDORE draws wand] Boom, headshot!

[Professor Quirrel is unconscious]

EVERYONE: Gasp!

DUMBLEDORE: Right, off to the Chamber of Secrets!

[5 minutes later, in the Chamber]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot!

[The basilisk is dead]

DUMBLEDORE: Accio Plot-Device-Destroying Basilisk Fang! Come on everyone, off to the Room of Requirement!

[5 minutes later]

DUMBLEDORE: Accio Horcrux! Boom, headshot with fang! Off to the Inferi Chamber! [DUMBLEDORE grabs unconscious Quirrel]

[5 minutes later, at the font]

DUMBLEDORE: Right, Tommy boy! Drink or drown, all the same to me! [DUMBLEDORE shoves VOLDEMORT's head into the font. VOLDEMORT struggles, but has no choice but to drink it all] Aaaand, here's that stupid whatsit! Hope old Regulus didn't steal it yet...boom, headshot with fang! Drat, looks like that was the fake after all!

[5 minutes later, 12 Grimmauld Place]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot with fang!

[5 minutes later, in the Malfoy residence, with diary]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot with fang!

[5 minutes later, in the Gaunt shack]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot with fang!

[5 minutes later, in Albania]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot with fang!

[5 minutes later, in Gringotts]

DUMBLEDORE: Boom, headshot with fang!

DUMBLEDORE: Your turn, Harry. Hold still! Boom, headshot with Killing Curse! Fawkes, make with the crying!

HARRY DRESDEN: Professor, Nagini hasn't been made yet, so all the Horcruxes are gone, hurrah! Let's send Voldemort off to Azkaban!

DUMBLEDORE: Are you kidding?! Boom, headshot with Killing Curse! Ok everyone, time for tea!


Needless to say, this is not how A Wizard Named Harry actually goes. Please do drop over there and read it; it's really cool. And hopefully Bugz-Toon's won't mind me 'ficing his/her 'fic.