7Jeff sighed in relief as he stepped into the bar, grateful it was Friday night. With grading papers and the usual Greendale shenanigans, all he wanted was to have a few Macallan neats and unwind. He started walking to get a drink when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, where he saw that he'd just gotten a text from Annie.
Annie: Turn around. I'm at a table in the back on the worst date of my life. SAME ME! SOS, SOS!
Jeff looked towards the back, where sure enough he saw Annie sitting at a table in a green dress, looking thoroughly miserable. He walks towards her, where he started hearing what the guy she was with was saying.
"And then the other girl says, 'So what are we going to do now?' and the guy says 'Ass to ass.' So they take a double ended dildo and-."
"Jeff!" she practically screamed as he came over. "Over here!" She frantically waved her arm before looking back at the guy she was with. "Sorry, but it's my ex-boyfriend Jeff, and it would be rude not to say hi."
"Hello," Jeff said, trying not to look surprised at Annie's comment. "I'm Jeff."
"Hi. I'm Dave," the guy said nervously. "You're tall. And muscly. And have nice hair."
"Um, yeah, sure," Jeff said. "You treating Annie well?"
"Yup. It's our first date, but things are going good," Dave said, unaware that Annie was frantically shaking her head.
Jeff nodded before looking at Annie. "I haven't seen you in a while. You look great."
"Thanks, so do you. I like your hair. It looks better than it used to."
"Thanks. Yours looks good to. What is that, new shampoo?"
"New conditioner," she said, the two of them seamlessly slipping into the roles of an ex couple catching up.
"Glad to see you found a look that works for you. She used to spend hours in the bathroom fixing her hair," Jeff said to Dave.
"Okay," he said uncertainly. "How did things end for you two?"
"Oh you know, little things come up that seem bigger at the time. Then you blow them out of proportion and before you know it, you lose a terrific woman," Jeff said thoughtfully, causing Annie to blush. "Oh, by the way, you still have some stuff you left at my place."
"Really? And I'm going out of town tomorrow," Annie exclaimed.
"This is the first I'm hearing this," Dave said.
"Yeah, sorry. But it's a work think, and I'll be gone for a week."
"And the week after that I'm going on vacation for three weeks," Jeff lied, continuing to set up a way to extract Annie from her bad date. "If you want your stuff back I'd suggest getting it tonight. Some of it's kind of important, like your prescription ointment."
"Thank you for reminding me about that Jeff," she said pointedly before looking at her date. "Dave, I'm really sorry, but I have to go. I should really get my stuff while I can."
"Yeah, okay, I understand," he said sincerely. "Maybe when you get back we can do this again."
"Uh huh, I'll call you," she quickly said as she put some money on the table to be polite and scrambled to her feet.
"Wait, I don't think I have your number."
"I'm sure I'll get it," she hastily yelled out. "Walk quickly, don't look back," she instructed to Jeff.
They walked out of the bar, not saying a word until they were safely in Jeff's car. Jeff drove off as Annie sighed in relief. "Thank God you came. I don't know what I would have done if I had to stay there any longer."
"That bad?"
"Did you ever see the episode of Friends when Rachel went out on a really bad date with Jon Lovitz," she asked.
"No, I haven't seen that one."
"Well let me just say, I would have loved to be on that date. I would have gladly gone on that date compared with what I went through tonight. First he told me he adds sand to his toothpaste because the grit cleans between his teeth. Then he took out dental floss and started flossing in the bar."
"What is he, crazy?" Jeff asked.
"I think he was. He told me I was really pretty, and then said 'I hope no one ever gets jealous and throws acid in your face, like what happened to that model'."
Jeff scoffed, unable to believe what he was hearing. "Are you sure you're not making this up?"
"I swear it's true. The guy was nuts. When I ordered a light beer he thought they would put a bulb in the glass to light it up."
"That sounds like something Troy would think."
"Yeah, but with Troy it's funny. With this guy it was just sad."
Jeff shook his head before remembering what he heard when he had come over. "Okay, I have to know, what on earth was he talking about when I came over? It sounded like he was describing a porno."
"Oh that." Annie shuttered at that one. "At one point he had to take some allergy pills, and told me he really didn't want to get addicted because he didn't like drugs and was skeeved out by drug addicts. So I told him I used to have a drug problem."
"Really?" Jeff said in surprise, since Annie didn't usually talk about her addiction openly.
"I was desperate and really hoped I could scare him into wanting to leave. Instead he said 'the only thing I really know about drug use is from the movie Requiem for a Dream.' He then proceeded to describe every single detail about the movie. I had to listen to him describe it to me for twenty five minutes. He makes Abed's movie descriptions seem vague."
"Oh wow," Jeff said.
"I know. I'm going to have nightmares."
"Why on earth did you agree to go out with this guy in the first place?"
"It was a blind date. This woman at the pharmaceutical company I worked for set us up. I should try and set her up with Leonard as payback.
"Normally I'd say no one deserves that, but from what you've said it sounds like a fitting punishment." Jeff looked out the window, having not been paying attention to where he had been driving to. He saw some restaurants around that seemed decent. "Did you want to get something to eat, or would you rather I take you home?"
"No, I can eat, as long as I don't think about that movie or his flossing."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"Why did you bring up prescription ointment before anyway?" Annie asked.
"I was trying to say something that would make him think, 'maybe she has something embarrassing. I don't want to be with a woman with weird medical issues.' It could have been worse and I could said fungus cream or something."
Annie shuttered in annoyance before chuckling. "Whatever, at least it got me out of it." She took a bite of her pasta as she looked at Jeff slyly. "So we really fit into those roles easily before. Two people in a relationship."
"Yeah, I guess," Jeff said, suddenly concentrating intently on cutting his steak. Even though it was just acting, it had been rather easy to pretend that he and Annie had once been together, to the point where he'd rather not read too much into it.
She looked at Jeff, picking up on his unease. "I didn't mean…I was just saying…never mind." Annie sat there in thought as she ate her dinner, feeling uncomfortable at how the dynamic between them had changed. "I know it was fake and I don't want you to think I'm reading into things. I was just saying it was fun."
Jeff glanced up at her as she slurped a piece of pasta. "I'm sure I'll regret saying this, but I had fun too. Next time I'm on a bad date I'll text you and you can get me out of it."
"And when do you date?" she asked.
"I date."
"Then how come we never hear about it?" she asked.
"I tell you guys about my dates."
"No, you brag about women you've slept with. That's not the same as dating."
"Believe me, I go out on dates. I just share the best part of the date instead of all the stuff that comes beforehand. You're making me sound like some sort of man slut."
"Right, cause you've never just slept with a woman and have that be the end of it," she said playfully.
Jeff groaned in annoyance, actually getting annoyed by her comments. "I know you're into romance and stuff, but there's nothing wrong with a one night stand of both people know that's all it is. Just because you've never had one doesn't-."
"Who says I've never had one?" she declared.
Jeff stopped, taken back by that one. "Wait, you've actually had a one night stand?"
"It's not something I advertise, but yes, I have slept with a guy I knew I wasn't going to see again," she said with a bit of challenge in case Jeff said something judgmental.
Instead Jeff ended up saying, "Good for you. Nice to know you're not on your way to becoming a cat loving spinster."
"Thanks. For a moment I thought you were going to be judgmental and I would have ended up on two bad dates tonight."
"Okay, first off, I'm the last person who should judge someone for wanting to get some. And second, you're attractive and work hard at everything. You deserve to let loose and have fun." He suddenly picked up on what she just said. "Wait, did you just say-."
"I didn't mean this was a date date. Just that we're having dinner together as friends. That kind of date."
Jeff nodded his head, glad to have confirmation on things. Though if this was an actual date…it wouldn't be that bad. "What are you doing tomorrow anyway?"
"Besides vacuuming and dusting, nothing. Why?"
"Did you want to do something?" he asked.
"Okay, sure. What did you want to do?"
"I'm not sure. I'll come by around noon and we'll think of something."
"Yeah, alright."
As he took a bite of his meal Jeff realized that he honestly wasn't sure if he had meant that they hang out as friends, or if their planned outing was supposed to be something more. But instead of panicking, Jeff found he wasn't bother by the lack of clarity. All he knew was he was going to spend time with Annie.
And whatever it was…he realized he was fine with it either way.