So I'm back *back in black wells up in the background* Anyways I've been reading and rereading some of my reviews and THANK YOU I felt Jade's character was whiny but I needed someone to confirm that I'm not crazy and you've done that. I'm not going to bullshit you and say I'll have another chapter up soon because no one would believe me anyways.

Oh and someone said to make Jade less emo but too bad bitch because I've already decided who she is as a person and that's not going to change

Chapter Fifty-One

Lena POV-

I walk through the Pit and towards the first bar I see, I'm meeting Zayn there. I want to tell him what happened between Jade and I and I don't think I'd be able to make it through the whole story without alcohol. I'm not an alcoholic, I actually prefer not to drink, but sometimes we all need a little liquid encouragement to make it through the night.

I'd carefully selected my outfit before coming here just in case Zayn didn't agree with me then he would. Zayn's a sweet guy but I know that sometimes my outfit can make a slight difference in his opinion of what I say to him. I'd tugged on tight, high wasted blue jean that are worn out. I'd put on a loose black lacey tank top and a neon green bandeau under it. My dark hair was in curly waves tumbled down my back and was so long it reached my stomach and brushed it as I walked in my black, studded heels. I looked kind of slutty but that wasn't the point of my outrageous getup, I wasn't trying to sleep with anyone I just believe I should look good for my boyfriend at all time.

I near the bar and I'm about to walk in when I spot Jade and some boy with choppy hair and piercings. Oh god, is he the one who went and screwed with her head? I wanted revenge on him for destroying my innocent little sister. I crouched behind a jagged slab of rock that was sticking out of the unevenly cut stone walls. I peered around and tried to overhear what they were saying. Then I notice it; she's dyed her hair blue and green. Holy shit, why would she destroy her beautiful hair? Her hair was so gorgeous.

"Okay what are we doing?" Jade's voice sounds easy, happy almost. How could she be happy now and yet she was screaming about how awful her life was and how she wanted to die merely hours ago? Maybe she's just a pathetic attention seeker, though that's not who I tried to raise her to be.

"Something inappropriate and fun." The boy's voice is snarky as is his expression as he sees my sisters eyes widen slightly at his words. Oh hell no, that bastards not doing anything inappropriate with my baby sister so he better back the fuck up. Why am I being so over protective? He takes her hand and tries to lead her down the hallway but she stays put. I swear if he lays a single finger on her I'm going to kill him.

"Come on Kitten, be spontaneous. Do something exciting for once, these last few days have been boring." Did he just call her Kitten? That sounds dirty. What have they been doing the past few days?

"You call the last few days boring?" Jade's voice is full of disbelief.

"Just come on." He pleads and I roll my eyes. He's pretty attractive, minus the choppy hair and the lip piercing. His eyes were a glittering, deep blue and his hair as black as my own. His skin was a soft, pinky color. Personally I prefer tanner guys but he was pretty cute. He wasn't muscular but he wasn't scrawny, he was sort of just skinny. He has on a grey beanie, a black shirt with some random band logo on it and black sweat pants. He runs his hands up and down from her shoulders to her forearms. I wish he would take his dirty paws off her. Why is she letting him touch her? I'm just glad she's wearing a long sleeved sweater.

"Will there be other people, because I'm a little drunk and so not in the mood to deal with other people." How could she even be considering this?

"Kitten, you know I hate people that aren't you." Is he fucking flirting with the blue haired skank? I hate to be harsh but that's what she is if she goes with him.

"Only if you promise to stop calling me Kitten." Jade finalizes. No. My sister cannot and will not be the skank she's becoming by going with him. He holds her shoulders, leans in and whispers something into her ear that makes her face flush. She laughs a little and smacks his chest.

"Shut up." She giggles and takes his hand before walking away. I had the slightest shimmer of hope she would change back to normal, now I'm not so sure.

I stand up from my crouch and walk into the bar. Zayn isn't there yet so I hurry myself to the ladies room to fix my make-up. There's only one other girl in the bathroom and she had plugs, an eyebrow ring, a couple tattoos and blonde choppy hair. I would've preferred to go to a normal bar but I'd chosen here because I wanted to pick up on some of the emo gossip going around that may involve my sister. It was a reasonable choice considering I've already seen her, drunk and running off to bed with some guy in a beanie.

I check my face in the mirror and I'm so pleased with myself I grin. I look hot. There's no way Zayn can disagree with me in this outfit. The girl next to me looks me up and down and I look at her. She wears ripped black skinny jeans and a tight long sleeve black shirt. Her hair is longer than mine and golden. She's very pretty and her winged eyeliner makes her green eyes piercing and striking.

"You meeting someone?" She asks, her voice is smooth and sweet like honey.

"Yeah." I breathe. She's kind of intimidating with her bubble gum colored lips and dark colors.

"You must be an initiate than." She says coldly.

"Where do you get that idea?" Do I look childish?

"You don't belong in this bar and you know it, you look like some half priced hooker. You won't get any action here honey, all we want are drinks, music and someone to bitch to. You look like you want to get laid." With that she walks out, her black heeled boots clicking on the bathroom tiles. I sigh and walk out.

I look around and most the seats are taken. I slide down in a stool at the bar next to a boy with choppy brown hair and ocean colored eyes. He looks over at me and glances me up and down before frowning.

"You look familiar, have we met?" He asks and I groan internally. He looks a few years older than me and he's using that cliché of a pickup line? Ugh.

"You're really going to use that excuse to talk to me? I'm not as easy as I seem to you freaks." I spit and he just rolls his eyes.

"It wasn't a pickup line, why do girls like you always think guys want to get in their pants? You're not even that attractive honey so get the fuck over yourself, no one in this bar will want to take you home. I was being serious, where do I know you from?" His words make me flinch and he takes a long sip from his bottle of beer. Ouch. Why is everyone so fucking grumpy?

Wait, what if he knows Jade? That's like the only way he could possibly recognize me, though she's destroyed her hair and stabbed a hole in her nose we still share similar face structures. Oh god, did she sleep with him? He's so much older. Oh Jade, you really do need help.

"Maybe you've met my sister Jade." I supply and a flicker of recognition crosses his eyes. No.

"Yes! That's it! I met her like five minutes ago, she's a wonderful girl." He says with a faint smile and I cringe. Gross.

"What's she say to you?" He gives me a strange look.

"She said she had a family from hell and she just wanted a fucking second to herself to have a drink so I bought her one and then she gave me some relationship advice and ran off with one of the other initiates. She has a magnificent personality, it's too bad she'll never know that because everyone she loves treats her like shit. Have a nice day, bitch." He stands up and grabs the jacket he was sitting on and slings it over his shoulder before sauntering out. I stare in disbelief, did he just say that? Before I can think someone taps my shoulder and I look behind me to see Zayn, I pat the seat that man was just sitting in and he sits next to me. He asks for a beer and something fruity for me.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" He asks sipping his beer calmly. He barely gives my outfit a second look which is really disappointing.

"My sister's become a pierced, dyed, attention-seeking, lying slut who goes home will go home with any guy if they have fringe. I just thought I'd share that with you and this seemed like the appropriate place to say it." Zayn looks at me shocked.

"How could you say that about your own sister?" His voice wavers.

"Have you seen her?" I say and he shrugs.

"Yeah I passed her in the Pit on the way here but she didn't seem like an attention-seeking slut. She has blue hair and piercings, but she was also laughing with a friend while you're here in a bar with everything hanging out complaining about how she's the slut. I love you Lena but since Jade's shown up you've been nothing but an absolute bitch and acting like you have something to prove. You want to know what else I think?"

I didn't reply so he kept going.

"I think you want her to be some slut so you look so much better because you think so little of your own blood and goddamn it I don't want to be with someone who thinks how your acting is appropriate. I think you're being a hypocrite calling her slut because you are the one in close to no clothes while she's wearing long sleeves. I know what I'm saying is cold but you're not the only person in this world who matters. You're not the sun, not everything revolves around what you think." Zayn's words sting. I feel my face grow red and embarrassment swells inside me. Am I being a bitch again? Holy shit; he's right. I've been nothing but bitter and cruel to everyone around me since Jade showed up. I put a hand over my mouth. How did I let myself do this to her?

"You see, this is why I need you. Without you I'd be a complete psycho bitch, at least with you I'm only partly a psycho." Zayn looks pretty shocked that his words actually got through to me. I understand why too; sometimes I get really bitchy and just have no reason whatsoever in my mind. I'm like that whenever I'm reminded of my past. I'm not saying my past is a fair excuse for being awful and slutty and jealous but somehow turning into a total bitch helps me forget my past.

Oh and I've been so utterly awful to Jade. I never said it to her face but I've called her a slut about a thousand times today because I didn't want to get close to her because then I'd have to acknowledge the hell she's been put through these past few years. And now she wants to die and talking to some stranger sounds more appealing than talking to me.

"I am so glad that worked otherwise you probably would've killed me." Zayn lets out a breath and I laugh a little.

"Do you know where my sister and that guy were going? I need to see Jade, right now." Zayn nods. Oh thank god, now I can find Jade and tell her just how sorry I am.

Jade POV-

"Kitten, you know I hate people who aren't you." I feel my face grow warm. Why does he keep doing this to me? He's a fucking tease, Jade. Don't trust him.

"Only if you promise to stop calling me Kitten." No, I know it's be nice to do something fun but why with him? Too late now I guess. He puts his hands on my shoulder and leans in close so he's whispering.

"Now why would I do that, Kitten?" He teases and I pull away and smack his chest.

"Shut up." I say but I laugh a little before lacing my fingers with his and walking away.

I walk with him through the Pit and a bunch of hallways and up about 1000 stairs in a pitch black stairwell he has to guide me down so I don't fall and die. My stomach tosses as we keep going up and up. Finally we reach a door, it's dark but I can make out its edges. Luke pulls open the door and moonlight stream through.

I gasp at the sudden flow of warm, outside air. Luke tugs me out the door and shut's it behind us. I let go of his hand and toss my head back to look at the stars the dot the skyline, it truly is beautiful. The warm is isn't too hot but it makes me wish I'd worn short sleeves so I could feel the breeze on my bare arms rather than just my face.

"Come on, we aren't there yet." He guides me along the outdoors for a while. We pass a wooded area. I'm just glad to be outside in the fresh air. Finally we get to a clearing in the trees and I know exactly where we are. The grass turns to sand and before me lies a beach. We were taught about this place in history; this used to be dry land but over time the sea level rose and swallowed the land. It was beautiful.

Not only were their waves crashing and a salty ocean spray but there was a picnic blanket with a cooler and a bathing suit on it. This was ridiculously perfect and extremely kind of him.

"You can go in the woods to change into the bathing suit, I promise I won't be a creep and look. What I can't promise is that it'll fit, I stole it from Saraphine." He says and I laugh.

"Of course you stole it." I retort.

"Shut up, I'm awesome." He steps closer to me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Say whatever you need to sleep at night." He smirks and presses his lips to mine. He pulls away after a moment though.

"Go get changed so I can show you just how awesome I am and unpack the food." I couldn't help but feel a little flicker in my stomach when he said food; I was actually starving.

I grabbed the bathing suit and ran off deep into the trees so he couldn't see me. The bathing suit was a black bikini. It fit me okay but it was a little small and exposing for my taste. I especially hated it showed the scars I'd manufactured on my thighs and the whip marks on my back. Even worse the scar where my mom had cut me wrapped around from my back to my stomach and it was so clear in the front and I knew she'd cut deeper into my back so I can't imagine how awful that scar looks. I throw back on my sweater. Maybe if I wear it until we get into the water I can take it off and run it before he sees the scars.

I fold my jeans and walk out of the trees to see Luke sitting on the picnic blanket shirtless with a bathing suit on. He's drinking some sort of alcohol which probably isn't the best idea when you're surrounded by an ocean and a wooded area. I sit own across from him on the blanket.

"If you plan on swimming than you should probably stop drinking, unless you want to drown that is." I say and he raises his eyebrows.

"Whatever you say. We should go in now because it's supposed to get colder."

I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of swimming in deep water with who knows what else swimming underneath me but I stand up nonetheless and pull off my sweater. I toss it onto the blanket and run to the water's edge with Luke close behind me. I run into it and get in so the waters almost to my knees before shrieking from the cold temperature of the water. I try to run back out but Luke slings my over his shoulder and charges me back into the water as I laugh and scream uncontrollably.

"Put me down asshole." I say giggling he lets me down into the freezing water which is now too deep for me to stand. I make a split second decision to jump on Luke's back and wrap my arms around his neck and hold onto him so I don't have to swim.

We swim around for a while, Luke swimming upwards to go over the waves. I'm not sure how but somehow he supports my weight easily which is nice because I'm lazy. It's all calm until a huge wave comes crashing down on top of us earlier than it should've causing both of us to go under the water. I scream and water fills my mouth and I realize how stupid that was. I try kicking upwards, when the wave came down Luke and I were separated under the water. I keep trying to get the surface but an invisible force keeps pushing me down despite how hard I try to reach air. And that's when I realize I wasn't swimming at all; I was letting myself sink to the bottom of the ocean. I wasn't struggling against the currents but against myself and I guess now I know more of me wants to close my eyes and end it than anything else. At least I can make it quick. I open my mouth and breathe the water into my lungs. The salt burns my throat and I wanted to scream and sob. This is what I was meant to do. I belonged dead.

My mind became cloudy and I couldn't bring myself to breathe into more water. I deserve it slow. I deserve the pain. I deserve to die. I'm nothing but worthless; I'm trash and I shouldn't be wasting valuable oxygen. I flip around so I'm doing clean strokes down to the bottom of the sea. I kick my feet slightly and it's so hard to make these movements with nothing in my lungs. Something latches onto my ankle and pulls me up as I struggle against it. The force flips me over and grabs my waist tightly before pulling me up to the surface.

I feel a burst of air and I choke it into my water-filler lungs and gasp. My eyes fly open and look directly into blue ones. Luke saved me. He holds me tightly by the waist and supports my weight so I don't have to swim.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He says in a hoarse whisper and I close my eyes.

"Nothing. I was thinking nothing, which was kind of the point." Luke sighs and leans his head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Please don't do that." I nod and lean into him and hold him tighter. I hold him as if he's the cold hard reality I need to grasp before I lose myself in my thoughts and nothingness. I feel tears streaming down my face but I don't think he notices because we're both soaking wet. I bury my face in his hair and wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me out of the water and back to the blanket where he sets me on my feet and tosses me a black towel to dry off and uses one himself.

I dry off the best I can before throwing my sweater on over my mostly-dry bathing suit. Luke puts on his shirt and we both sit down on the blanket. By now I'm shivering with horror and coldness. I crawl into Luke's lap and he loops his arms around me. After a moment he reaches for the bottle of alcohol he was drinking and sips it before handing it to me and I drink out of it.

"Do you want to talk about it or something?" Luke sounds unsure. No, I don't want to ever talk about how I just tried to kill myself because I could and probably get away with it making it look like I just drowned.

"I don't want to talk I just want to feel good for once. I don't want to be the one with the shit past and the screwed up mind for once. I want to listen, tell me something." Luke sighs and takes a long drink before speaking.

"Well I don't have any happy stories from my past so I can't help you with that, how about you stop whining about your past and how you have no happy stories and write one of those stories you'll look back up and smile over." And somehow that was exactly what I needed. Lena may be a little bitch but she's gone through shit too, everyone has their own shit story but the difference between everyone is how you deal with it.

"Do you have a radio?" I ask and he nods before pulling it out of the basket and turning up a song I've never heard before. He stood up and held out his hand to help me up and I following. Pretty soon I found myself laughing as Luke and I danced, well more like flailed around trying to dance, and kissing occasionally not ten minutes after I'd almost killed myself. My life is so confusing but I guess that doesn't matter because right now I'm smiling and having more fun than I've ever had.

I'll try to update more often but no promises sooo

And I won't apologize for being different

~Sleeping With Sirens