21Rachel threw her school bag down on her bedroom floor, and flopped onto her bed. Her arm hurt as it made contact with the bed and she drank in the pain, letting it permeate her.
From in her pocket her phone buzzed; a text message for her. Rachel closed her eyes and swore at the phone without moving. She couldn't cope with any more communication today. She wished everything would go away.
Finally, after several minutes of not moving, curiosity got the better of her and she pulled the device from her pocket. It was a business card and it was from Sherlock.
She read the card and accompanying message.
My brother Mycroft assures me that these are the very best. It's confidential and all paid for. SH
It was the number of a counselling service.
Mycroft; Sherlock's terrifying older brother with the umbrella. Rachel had only met him a couple of times. Did he know her secret too? Maybe he knew everything about everybody.
Rachel sat and looked at her phone for a long time before making the call.
...
The sun streamed through Rachel's bedroom window onto where Rachel sat, on the edge of the bed, shivering uncontrollably. She'd spoken to a receptionist, who had booked her in. She hadn't had to say what it was about, but she'd made the appointment.
A knock on Rachel's bedroom door made her jump. Mary peeped around the door. She was holding two mugs of tea and smiled affectionately on seeing Rachel.
Mary placed the tea on Rachel's desk, and sat down beside her on the bed.
"Are you alright, love?" she asked, gently but determinedly.
Rachel looked up at her mother, still trembling from her phone-call, wide-eyed and unable to pretend any more, and yet unable to speak from the shame and enormity of her situation, and the distance between them.
She saw the familiar, comforting face, together with tired eyes. Then she felt Mary's arms wrap gently around her, trapping her with an embrace she was too broken to return or to resist. Instead she closed her own eyes tightly, suddenly feeling like a small child again; abandoning her perfectly constructed world for the immediate warmth and safety of being held.
...
Sherlock sat in his chair at 221B re-reading the text from Mary. He smiled sadly and put his phone down on the table.
He looked over at John's chair; the chair of the man who had saved him, but who was no longer living with him. There had been so many times, earlier on, when Sherlock had wished John would just disappear, so he could continue with the business of destroying himself. But John had refused to disappear; had gently and resolutely continued to remind Sherlock of all those reasons, medical and otherwise, not to carry on with what he was doing.
But more than that John had made Sherlock believe that there was something in him that was worth saving.
Sherlock was acutely aware of the emptiness of that chair now. He had no case to work on currently, and engaging with Rachel had opened up all the rawness of those old drives and thought patterns.
Sherlock rose and took a few paces towards the box on his shelf. The box reserved for emergencies. He paused and stood, motionless, considering in his mind, his eyes gazing slightly downwards.
Searching his mind-palace, Sherlock recalled the years of cases that he had been able to solve with a clear focus; endlessly grateful for the months and years at a time when he hadn't even remembered that box; for having a body that was not constantly screaming at him, and arms with no recent marks.
He could go and examine that box, but, then today was not an emergency.
And neither had the previous day been, or the many, many days before that.
Sherlock turned and instead picked up his violin. He was soon lost in its tune; a soothing, dreamy lullaby. And the fiend, whose eyes had opened just a crack, grew drowsy again, turned over and settled back to its slumber; maybe to sleep again for a long, long time.
...
"You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won"
Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly
...
A/N: Many thanks to everyone who followed, favourited or reviewed; Anniewaterbabyc, AwesomeCheeze, GenBou93, I heart Reid 23, ImaginedWorlds, Julkula, LFJohnson99, Little-bit-ofSherlock-Holmes, Sockentorte, TheGyrhan, Thecumerbitch, ameerawrites, cathernatural.812, doctor-wholittle, elfmaiden4legs, paulaarushing, starsofimagination, thewhiphandsdaughter, trenchcoatandtie, wibblywobblytimeywimey16, Casualtyabixx, Emsgotabox, Fire Kitty 12, Jisbon1996, xXEtherealDreamXx, Vienna Warren, Alice, June and Guest. Please take care everyone.
Particular thanks to Ennui Enigma for editing, encouragement, and virtual tea and biscuits after chapter 5.