77So junior year hit pretty hard. It's been almost an entire year since I updated this fic, I'm really sorry, but better late than never, right? My keyboard doesn't work anymore, I'm currently using the on screen keyboard (it's a total bitch) I want to finish this story in the next couple chapters, just a heads up. Thanks for all the support and thanks for sticking it out, I hope this chapter isn't too disappointing haha
-Natsu's POV-
"Natsu, hi!" Happy shouted. I was walking through the guild door, everyone greeting me with a smile. Gray came up to me, kissing my cheek.
"Where've you been? I missed you." He told me.
I felt myself laughing and blushing; I reached out a hand to touch his cheek before a voice behind me chuckled.
"Yeah, Natsu; where have you been?" Igneel mused. "Come with daddy, boy. Daddy misses you too."
He grabbed me by the wrist, dragging me towards him.
I shouted, trying to get back to the Guild.
Tears stung my eyes as I saw everyone burning in front of me. The guild was...gone.
I felt Igneel start to chain me up, but I kept searching for Gray.
Where was he?
At that moment he came running from the burning building, his body had been engulfed in flames.
"This is all pour fault!" He kept shouting at me.
I shook my head, "No..." I whispered.
"Liar! Traitor!" he continued. "I hate you-"
I woke up instantly, tears running down my cheeks. I felt the chains around my wrists and ankles tighten with my sudden movement; for an instant I thought I was still in my dream.
Igneel had me put in one of his chambers for experimentation after Ryan came to pick me up from Gray's cell. My dad had said something about one of his experiments going wrong, so now he was going to use me as a new subject; I guess I was more compatible with him. I wasn't sure about his exact reasoning.
All I knew was that something had happened to the guild.
Igneel had promised to tell me the details after the first week of trials; if I survived.
I don't need his confirmation about the guild though; I could guess what had happened.
He had probably sent some of his goons under Ryan's command and had them destroy the guild.
I cursed softly.
This is all my fault...
If I hadn't ran away from Igneel in the first place, the guild wouldn't have been attacked.
Gray wouldn't have been trapped and miserable.
Happy would've been safe.
Everyone would have been fine without me.
I couldn't even save them from my own father; I only hurt them.
I'm a monster.
I couldn't protect anything or anyone, the only thing I was good at was destruction.
But I wanted to protect all of them, I wanted to save Gray, Happy and everyone in the guild.
I might've lied to them about my past but what I feel towards them is genuine.
Even so... They might not accept me anymore.
And after Gray finds out about the guild, he won't want me with him anymore.
No matter what he says, after losing the guild he definitely wouldn't be able to stop himself from hating me.
Because I would have taken everything away from him.
I'm sorry everyone...
I heard the door creak open, Ryan walking in with long clear tubes and a big bag.
"Hey Natsu, how you holding up?" he asked in a soft voice, as if he actually cared.
I kept my head drooped down.
He walked towards me with scissors and cut my shirt off of me. He rubbed antiseptic over specific spots with cotton and brought over a large table with the clear tubes and other equipment.
"I see you've broken down mentally a bit; guess the beatings worked for once." Ryan smiled. "What? No protest? Good."
He reached for my chains, lowering them so I was sitting on the ground with my arms to the side.
I saw Ryan pull out a syringe and prepare it; what drug he was about to stick in me, I couldn't tell.
I felt the needle prick my skin, entering slowly.
It felt as if my whole arm was on fire. I started breathing harder than normal and my vision blurred. It was almost unbearable.
A few minutes after the pain, everything went numb. I felt like I was melting to the ground with the chains.
I was still upright, ...right?
I dropped my head, the simple motion made my world turn in circles.
Ryan was fiddling with tubes, some of them already inserted in various spots around my body.
When did that happen?
I hadn't even felt it. I couldn't focus my eyes on anything and I felt like I was going to puke.
"Ry'n..." I mumbled out trying to get him to explain himself, but words wouldn't form as coherently as I wanted them to.
He simply chuckled as if understanding my intention.
"In all honesty, I'm just doing what I'm told. I don't even know your Pops plan at this point so don't waste your energy trying to find out" I saw Ryan press a button on something inside the big bag, different colored chemicals came shooting up the tubes and into my body.
I wasn't sure if the drugs being pumped into me had any side effects; all I could focus on was my rising nausea from the previous substance Ryan had put in me.
I felt warm liquid rise up my throat and I coughed as I felt it spill onto my chest. I had my eyes closed in hopes of it preventing the world from moving.
I distantly heard Ryan laugh at my convulsing body that kept throwing up onto itself.
The door swung open violently and Igneel walked in with a grin.
"Hello my lovely child~" he greeted me.
Igneel turned to Ryan, signalling him to leave. He let out a sigh, but obeyed without a word.
After the door closed behind Ryan, Igneel let out a low chuckle.
"I was going to save this information until after our playtime, but I'm so happy I feel like telling you now"
He walked towards a table with different knives and other instruments, and picked up a simple incision blade.
"Remember that silly guild you ran away to?" his eyes burned with malice. "I set it on fire."
He... What?
Why?
"Don't look at me like that" he continued. "Daddy had to teach you a lesson so you wouldn't disobey him again"
I knew he would do something like that but I still didn't want suspicions to be confirmed.
He leaned towards my ear, his breath sticking onto the back of my neck. Igneel pressed the blade along my jawline, breaking skin.
"Honestly Natsu-chan, you shouldn't be so surprised. Whose fault do you think it was in the first place?"
I turned my face away from him into the blade, letting it cut deeper. I knew the answer, but I didn't want to hear him say it.
Stop...please stop talking...
"Yes my darling, it was your fault" he laughed maniacally. "If you had stayed by my side, I would have never attacked that troublesome guild and all your so-called friends. Though I doubt they see you as friends now. You lied to them, you betrayed them and now most of them are probably dead because of you."
Yes... Igneel was right. It was all my fault.
"Are you mad? Do you hate me? You really shouldn't." Igneel questioned me with a smile, leveling his eyes with mine.
My body was too drugged to be able to respond or focus on him. I stayed unmoving, listening to Igneel.
"Hate yourself. Be angry with yourself. You're worse than me, Natsu. I choose to hurt others; but look at you, you can't control yourself at all." he chuckled.
"You're a monster."
Monster? I am...a monster...
I knew that.
Of course I did.
I hurt others, I ruined everything.
No matter how much I tried to run away from that fact, it kept popping right back.
Because it was the truth.
How many people had I killed up until now? Or how many have I unintentionally harmed?
I should've never ran away.
My life at the guild was a lie, my friendships were a lie.
Even Gray...
I was just deceiving myself. Someone like me could never know love.
Because I was a monster, and-
"Monsters don't deserve to be loved." Igneel said as he made a deep long cut from my left shoulder to my right hip.
That's right... I was a monster and I didn't deserve to be loved.
I didn't deserve Gray or Happy, Lucy, Erza, or anyone at the guild.
They only got hurt with me around.
My body felt warm with the other drugs mixing into my system. I could somewhat feel the blood from my new wound trickle down my abdomen.
What was I going to do?
I felt lost and I didn't know how to get out of my situation.
If I had just stayed with my dad everything would have been okay.
I should just stay with Igneel now, then things should go back to normal, right?
It's not like I could go back to the guild or to Gray, I didn't want to hurt them anymore and I didn't deserve them anyway.
Maybe I could protect them somehow by doing what I used to do. What was that?
Killing?
No. Sometimes. Whatever.
I laughed softly.
Killing was the one thing I didn't mess up.
It was so fitting for a beast like me.
"Finally understand, don't you? You exist to kill. You exist to do my bidding." Igneel said happily as he fiddled with the tubes. "You're trapped here, Natsu."
I know.
I hated it but it was the truth.
Igneel was a deceiving fuck but right now he wasn't lying.
"I'm s'rry, father..." I said sloppily. What else could I have said? It was easier to say what he wanted to hear.
Igneel responded with a satisfactory sigh and petted my hair like he would a dog.
"Now that's a good boy. Once we pump all these wonderful chemicals I made to strengthen your abilities, you can go work for daddy like you used to okay? And we can play together again too, I got a bunch of new toys just for you. Doesn't that sound delightful?"
Does it? Who knows...
I didn't respond. What was delightful?
I didn't know and I was too scared to care.
Vaguely I heard Igneel humming and cleaning the area.
I couldn't concentrate and my eyes were slowly closing.
What was going to happen? Strengthening my flames? What jobs would he make me do once I got out of this set up? What was he going to do to Gray?
So many questions kept swirling in my head, but before I could think about it and ask Igneel another question would come up.
If he burned the guild down, did anyone survive?
Would he make me go after them?
I could never figure out what Igneel was thinking; I never needed to.
He owned me.
Sooner or later I would find out what he was after but then it would be too late.
Even if I tried to go against him, somehow I'd play right into his hands.
My eyes closed in defeat. My body felt hot and nauseous and my head hurt from over thinking.
I give up.
If Igneel wanted me to do something I'd do it. If it kept everyone away from me I'd do anything.
It was one for my walls to go back up.
My mind slowly drifted into a drug induced sleep, shutting down involuntarily.
Igneel walked out, leaving me passed out on the floor in chains.
I wondered where he was going.
Igneel didn't come to visit me until a week later after Ryan took out all the tubes and I was moved to my usual room.
My body did feel stronger and my flames had turned black.
If I shot a fireball into an object, it spread like poison; destroying the entire thing, including the ashes.
I guess those chemicals really were to 'strengthen my abilities'.
Ryan had brought me some clothes to change into: black shirt and pants, nothing crazy.
Afterwards Igneel walked in to talk.
"You'll continue with your usual jobs" Igneel handed me a list with people's names at our meeting. "I want you to take those people out. They've been causing a lot of trouble for the gang lately."
"Okay." I responded in an apathetic tone.
Igneel's face stretched into a grin. "Before you leave, would you like to see your lover thing?" He said mockingly.
He was just playing around to see my reaction.
I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
Besides, I couldn't make the same mistakes again.
"No. Isn't it time you let him go? And Happy? Ryan said you would if I obeyed you" I said monotonously, gluing my emotionless eyes on Igneel.
I saw a small twitch in his grin.
"Ryan said that?" clearly he wasn't pleased with Ryan. "Alright. Why don't you take care of it?"
Now it was my turn to twitch.
Igneels smile came back full force.
"Fine." I said and walked away.
I wasn't upset about letting Gray and Happy free. Igneel probably would've ordered someone to kill them and this was my chance to save their lives.
I just didn't want to face them.
I went to their cell and motioned for the guards to open the door.
This time, I definitely wasn't going to let him in.
"You two follow me" I ordered as I stood at the door, eyes turned to the floor.
"Natsu! Where have you been? Are you okay? I was worried" Gray said hurriedly.
I turned around and walked down the hall, Gray and Happy following.
Happy hadn't said anything, he looked sad.
He probably understood what was going on and that this was goodbye.
Ryan was waiting at the end of the hall with a smug look.
I felt anger rise inside me but I ignored it.
If Igneel was going to involve Ryan anyway, what was the point of me taking this job.
"Don't worry, I'm just here to transport you there and back" Ryan assured me.
Rock engulfed us and we were moving fast towards the guild, I assumed.
I felt sick but I suppressed the urge to puke.
When we stopped moving, we were by a forest near the guild.
"I'll wait here." Ryan said.
I walked towards the guild, Gray and Happy following with a confused look.
"Natsu what the hell is going on?" Gray asked.
I kept shut.
The closer we got to the guild the more burnt the trees and grass became.
When we arrived, I saw that the entire guild hall had been turned to ashes.
I assumed that the survivors had moved to a safer location but it still felt painful.
It hurt to think that all this damage happened because of me.
"...Natsu?" Gray sounded as if he was going to burst into tears.
"I did this, Gray." I finally admitted. "It was my fault this happened so by default, I did this."
I didn't turn around to see his reaction. I heard his knees hit the floor.
"That's not true" Gray said with a sob. I guess he finally realised what was happening.
"It's not your fault. Nobody would-"
"It is my fault" I cut him off. "I'm leaving."
At the corner of my eyes, I saw a tear fall down Gray's cheek.
I turned completely away and walked off the way we came.
"Natsu, please-! We can fix this together. Everyone at the guild will understand the truth. Please, don't leave!" I could hear the desperation in Gray's voice.
It hurt.
Dammit it hurt!
I had to make it stop. I had to kick him out.
For his own good, I had to leave.
Why couldn't he fucking see that?!
"You're misunderstanding, Gray" I spoke slowly. "I...I just don't love you enough to stay with you" I finished.
I felt like I was going to cry, but I couldn't. I had to do this.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
IT FUCKING HURT.
"Say it to my face, Natsu." Gray said in a quiet tone. I didn't turn around.
"I don't have to repeat myself to an exhibitionist like you."
I could hear Gray trying to hold back a sob. I knew Happy was trying to comfort him; his little sobs were audible even if he was trying to keep it low.
"Say. It. Say it to my goddamn face, flame brain! SAY IT!" he screamed at me.
I couldn't talk anymore. I walked off, trying to ignore Gray's outbursts.
It was for him. I did this for him.
Ryan was waiting at the spot he said he would, he smiled when I approached him.
I felt angry, I didn't understand why.
My insides hurt so much, there was so much pain I just wanted to scream and rip apart my own flesh.
I was so frustrated.
"Just like old times, right Natsu?" Ryan said happily as he attempted to wrap his arm around my waist.
I clutched a hand around his neck, pulling his face close to mine.
"Try to touch me one more time and I'll rip your fucking arm off, Ry." I threatened, trying to burn his face off with my gaze.
I shoved him to the ground hard and walked a few steps away.
"Let's go." I demanded.
He held his neck and coughed a bit until he regained proper breathing. "Just like old times" Ryan choked underneath his breath; annoyed.