A/N: I think I'm sure enough to put this fanfic as 'parody' for it's second genre, since it isn't supposed to be taken seriously as I've stated many times before (I've been told in the past that I'm not really clear, so I'm trying to do so now) but I don't want it to be so lighthearted that once things gets serious during certain parts people will get mad at that. Ugh, my brain . . .
Special Thanks To:
Riddle Rina This
"This is like some bad horror movie, I tell ya. All we need is the cliché music in the background."
Rina whistled to herself as soon as they reached the stone head of Salazar Slytherin. The noise was amplified, bouncing off the walls.
"Gasp! You're voice can get really echo-y in here. ECHO!" (Echo!. . .Echo . . .)
"Stop that." Tom commanded, rubbing a hand through his hair.
Rina ignored him, instead swaying from one foot to the other with her hands behind her back. Clearing her throat, she sang:
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Tom turned to her slowly with a scowl. "What are you doing?"
"Singing? Duh." Rina rolled her eyes. She motioned her hands in a way that signified something pouring out from her heart. "I understand why you are unfamiliar with it. It is a beautiful voice excercise people do to convey their emotions."
"I know what singing is!" Tom shook his head. "Stop it. Just . . . stop it."
"Because your singing is annoying!"
"Your face is annoying!" Rina snapped back, offended.
Tom took a deep breath and pinch the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Shut up. Go . . . sing . . . over there . . ." he flicked his hand behind him.
Rina stuck out her tongue and crossed her arms. With a 'hmph!' she turned on her heel and stomped down the way they came. About halfway there Rina decided to climb on one of the snake head sculptures that lined the sides of the path.
"Yeehaw!" She shouted, purposely making her voice echo off the walls again.
Tom Riddle sighed and shook his head, taking another moment to do his deep breath exercises. Just a few more days and this will all be over.
"When I open the chamber's secret, Rina - are you listening? - when I open the door, I need you to make absolutely sure not to look into his eyes."
"Look into what now? Who's eyes?"
"The basilisk!" Tom groaned. "I assumed you knew what was down here!"
Rina laughed and waved her hand at him. "I know, I did. It's just fun to make you frustrated."
If Tom were anyone else, he would have shouted in frustration. He would have cursed and stomped his foot and just all out growled like a disobedient child. But Tom Riddle is a collected, elegant, and occasionally charming individual and he refused to even come close to his breaking point at the hands of this foolish Ravenclaw girl.
He dramatically whipped his robe around and held his hands out in front of him, ready to summon the magnificent beast.
"Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of -"
"The PHAAAA-ntom of the Opera is THEEEERRRRE~!"
Tom froze, momentarily forgetting his words. His head turned to find Rina standing on the snake-head sculpture, one hand to her chest with her other hand palm-up as if she were doing some dramatic play.
In a lower, more whisper-like voice, she finished, "Insiiiide you're mind!"
"RINA!" Tom hissed between his teeth. The girl nearly slipped, landing with her legs on her side of the sculpture with a loud Eep! and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.
"Sorry." She muttered.
Tom couldn't believe it. He face-palmed.
You cannot kill her, Tom. he reminded himself. You made a deal and a villainous lord like you cannot afford to lose the value of his word if you wish to get anything done . . .
Holding out his hands - and after one last pointed look at Rina who made an odd motion with her thumb and forefinger over her mouth - Tom chanted, "Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts Four!"
The mouth of the stone stature opened slowly. Yellow eyes opened inside, blinking through the darkness. Rina could hear the hiss it made from inside. The giant basilisk, bigger than she would have ever imagined in person, slid out.
She made a face. "Ew."
Tom either didn't hear her, or ignored her. As the snake emerged from its fifty-year slumber, it stretched its body out onto the stone path. She could practically hear its bones crack, see it's scales glimmer in the torch light and reflect off the water that soaked the marble floor.
Tom spoke in his special tongue, commanding the snake to do something.
"I have commanded him not to harm you. For now." Tom said, approaching the thirteen-year old. "He will avoid looking into your eyes."
"Oh, that wasn't necessary!" Rina chirped from her place on the sculpture head. Tom stopped, only to see a pair of black glasses with silver frames perched on her nose.
Rina stuck out her tongue and pointed to the odd spectacles. "I had a friend charm these sunglasses to avoid eye contact with living things. Well, I didn't have her charm them. I borrowed them from her."
"What could anyone possibly have use for glasses such as those?" He asked curiously.
Rina tilted her glasses downwards, peaking over the top. "Havocmimes." she says seriously.
Tom blinked once. Twice.
Just when I thought she couldn't be any weirder.
Dare he ask? "What in Merlin's name is a Havocmime?"
"They're cute fuzzy creatures that eat each other's eyes out when they make eye contact.."
"There is no such thing!"
"There is too!"
"I have never heard of it!"
"Just because you've never heard of something doesn't mean is doesn't exist!"
Tom gave up. Not wishing to argue with her any further, he spoke to the basilisk. The creature let out a hiss of understanding and slid down the path and into the tunnels at the opposite end of the hall.
Rina nodded as if she were just beginning to understand what was happening. "Now what?"
Tom smirked, his eyes shining in amusement. "Now . . . we wait."
. . .
Rina groaned. "Ugh, you're so freaking dramatic."
What is it now?
And what do you expect me to do about it?
Come out of your little book and be bored with me?
Joining myself into your physical world is exhausting and isn't made for your entertainment.
Pretty pretty please?
The physical appearance of the 'please' doe snot change my answer.
You misspelled 'serious'.
Is there anything new going on in Hogwarts?
I dunno. Ron Weasley accidentally cursed himself at Harry's quidditch practice and now he's spitting up slugs at Hagrid's.
I don't care for your schoolmates affairs. I mean has there been any roosters out?
I am not choking chickens for you.
But to answer your question yes. Hagrid has one rooster at his little cottage. I know this because the thing wakes everyone up in the castle - which is weird, since it's such a tiny little thing. Maybe it got loose in the castle and Hagrid can't find it?
That is a problem.
I know. My poor sleeping schedule.
That is NOT what I mean. There's no other alternative. You have to get rid of it.
What? Sure! Let me just get my ass-kicking boots and brush up on my study book called 'How to sneak out of the castle while Hagrid is out and choke the life out of a freaking bird.'
Are you being sarcastic with me?
No, I would never do such a thing!
Your sarcasm doesn't transfer over paper and ink very well.
Your face doesn't transfer over paper and ink very well!
That doesn't even make any sense.
I WILL EAT YOUR PAPER AGAIN. DON'T THINK I WON'T!
You know what? Fine. We'll do this the hard way. You need to sneak into the Car of Magical Creatures classroom during lunch.
I don't want to!
YOU'RE SO BOSSY!
I was supposed to have this out yesterday, but apparently my mom decided that for my brother's first day of school us adults needed to go out. Okay, I guess it wasn't so bad. They bought me new clothes at Hot Topic and we had a beautiful breakfast at Carl's Jr. Mmmmm . . .
Please review! I'm hinting at the timeline of the Harry Potter series Rina is currently in and I'm having fun writing the sort of 'behind the scenes' bits, except instead of Ginny doing everything for Tom under some creepy mind control, it's Rina who is just having way too much fun with it.