A/N: I always imagine Zoe and Bianca's relationship to be anything but smooth.
Zoe stares across at her and even in sleep, Bianca looks troubled.
The Emo traces the crease of the woman's brow with her eyes then raises her hand to stroke it away with her thumb and it works and the Rude Girl relaxes slightly beneath the touch.
She doesn't stir though and Zoe knows her well enough to know that she won't for most things.
Bianca sleeps deeply and little can pull her out of it that doesn't contain some considerable amount of caffeine.
But she's there now, wearing nothing but a loose t-shirt just like Zoe is and she looks so tired.
She looks tired even whilst she's sleeping and Zoe wishes she didn't understand why.
It's because they're so volatile, so bad for each other, so angry and bitter and wrong and neither of them can choke it down so they're just suffocating with each other yet too in love to leave.
Bianca's always been softer, a little more open and a littler more... everything. She's the better half of the relationship, the one that will, if only on occasion, agree to disagree and let bygones be bygones and that would be fine except it's killing her.
Zoe is killing her.
Because for whatever reason, Bianca hasn't left her and she won't though there's no reason as to why. She's miserable and tired and so sick of this messed up relationship but she doesn't leave.
She keeps holding Zoe's hand and she keeps kissing her head and making her coffee just how she likes it and murmuring sweet-nothings into her cheek and she's there every single night, falling asleep beside her.
Zoe's fingers follow the path of Bianca's small frown before she allows her palm to rest against her girlfriend's cheek. Her skin is slightly warmer than Zoe's. She's always liked that. A hint of warmth. Nothing too overwhelming.
Zoe thumb trembles as it strokes over the pale scar on Bianca's cheekbone.
It was from a fight. Always a fight. Always Bianca coming out worst because Zoe can't control herself like her, she can't pull punches like her girlfriend can.
Zoe is too raw and angry and unstable for someone so much more level-headed to know how to deal with.
And she's tearing herself apart trying to figure it out.
Zoe sighs softly and it trembles in her throat as it curls around the pained lump lodged there that the Emo just can't seem to swallow back this time.
And then the tears sting her eyes and she's watching Bianca sleep and she's wishing she'd never met her.
She's wishing they'd never have fallen in love.
Because it's going to kill them.
It's going to ruin Bianca and Zoe will follow because she can't begin to imagine breathing air that hasn't passed this woman's lips.
Zoe is a going to kill the only woman she's ever loved and she's not even having to try. Just by existing, just by being cold and nasty and harsh and herself, she's killing her.
Fuck, she doesn't want to do that. She really doesn't want to do that...
Bianca stirs just slightly before her hand glides up from Zoe's elbow to sleepily entwine their fingers and grip her hand before she drops back into that deep sleep again, more visibly settled and calm and Zoe can't stop the tears falling free because this woman is just so wonderful and good to her. She's beautiful and loving her despite the fact that they're a train-wreck, despite the fact that they're loving each other so fiercely that they can't bare to be apart for more than a day without falling to pieces and it's pathetic but it's Zoe because Bianca didn't used to be as weak as her.
But nowadays, they're sharing everything. They're sharing the same bed in the same apartment and they're sharing toothpaste and milk and coffee granules and they're sharing space and air and choking emotions that neither of them can shake off no matter how they try.
They try to hate. They try not to kiss the wounds better but it doesn't work like that and Zoe always ends up kissing the bruises and dabbing the cuts with dampened cotton wool until the bleeding stops and then she kisses those too.
And Bianca will be holding her, her head bowed and she'll be breaking a little bit more.
She never wanted this.
She didn't want much; just stability, warmth and happiness.
She doesn't get any of them. Zoe doesn't know how to give them to her.
Except in these moments, when it's easier without those eyes gazing at her and piercing her soul and knowing her better than she ever thought anyone would ever dare to know her.
There's just these moments when Zoe is stroking Bianca's face and somehow it's helping to ease whatever is haunting her dreams.
Zoe kisses her softly, her lips brushing against ones that are as familiar to her as her own, perhaps even more so, and Bianca sighs against her mouth, a gentle exhale of genuine contentment.
And then her nose wrinkles and she opens her eyes quickly and there is panic in those orbs that's snuffed out as quickly as it came as soon as her gaze settles on the Emo laid beside her.
Zoe stares back into familiar eyes and Bianca reaches up a hand and strokes her cheek, brushing away tears that the Emo had forgot were falling.
Her hand lingers there and their eyes remain on each other.
"... I love you..." Bianca murmurs and her eyes are tired and pained but brimming with adoration anyway and Zoe's next breath trembles in her chest and she helplessly slides closer to her girlfriend and kisses her neck.
"I love you too," She whispers.
Her voice cracks. Bianca kisses her head and holds her close and murmurs soothing words into her hair as her pale fingers grip onto the Rude Girl's cotton t-shirt beneath the blanket.
It's safe and warm and stable.
It's everything that Zoe isn't...
A/N: I almost had Zoe leave in this short fic but I couldn't bring myself to write it.
Do review if you would. I'd love to hear what people think.